Loxx Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 This is kinda spun off another thread. Someone mentioned that women just seem to want pefection in the men they choose to date. I have to agree with this, From looks to personal traits. Whats your take on the situation?
Jersey Shortie Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Gosh, I am not looking for anything close to perfection. I just want someone I connect with, has the same values and that I am attracted to and takes my feelings seriously. I have been attracted to all types. From stereotypically not so hot guys to stereotypically hot guys. And have also been turned off by stereotypially hot guys and not sterotypically hot guys. By the way, I would take 5'7 Jon Stewart over 6+ Brad Pitt.
kizik Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I saw a personals ad yesterday with the headline: "Looking for the perfect guy" I wrote her and said, "I'm not the perfect guy."
samspade Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Are women really more unrealistic In choosing a man to date? I don't think that is the case. It's to a person, anyway. It's sort of a hard point to argue or dispute since we can't quantify what is realistic for anyone.
Lizzie60 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Not only do I demand physical perfection.. he has to be intelligent, educated and rich..
SeekingOpinions Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I think that is often true of inexperinced women, especially those who were brought up to believe that they are "a princess" and should be treated like one. Experinced women seem more realistic based on their past experiences. A woman who was treated badly in her last relationship is usually just looking for a guy who doesn't suck.
Jaytb Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You know, I don't think they're unrealistic. Most of the time, it just comes down to what an individual wants in a relationship. But I do think most people are too inflexible about their wants to see that a perfectly good guy or girl is right in front of them but they don't see it. They usually have too rigid of an idea of what their partner should look like that they don't see the good that is in a person.
sockpuppet Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Spend 15 minutes on match.com and you'll see how demanding most of the women on there are. I don't know what it's like as a female on that site, but you get the idea that they're able to pull off being that selective. It's pretty demoralizing, actually. I'm 5'8". It's frustrating seeing a 5'2" girl not "match" me simply because I don't fit her 6'1 requirement. I've messaged them anyways and they simply weren't interested, for that reason or others. I've talked to friends of mine who will openly admit they're primarily attracted to tall guys, or guys of a certain type, but they've dated other types when they've occasionally had to settle. I don't know many guys that say they only date girls with a certain cup size, though I'm sure a few exist. I see that as the same idea though....
Jaytb Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Spend 15 minutes on match.com and you'll see how demanding most of the women on there are. I don't know what it's like as a female on that site, but you get the idea that they're able to pull off being that selective. It's pretty demoralizing, actually. I'm 5'8". It's frustrating seeing a 5'2" girl not "match" me simply because I don't fit her 6'1 requirement. I've messaged them anyways and they simply weren't interested, for that reason or others. I've talked to friends of mine who will openly admit they're primarily attracted to tall guys, or guys of a certain type, but they've dated other types when they've occasionally had to settle. I don't know many guys that say they only date girls with a certain cup size, though I'm sure a few exist. I see that as the same idea though.... I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. If you're not ideal, no one gives you a chance. It might just be an online thing, afterall, there's tons of people, why not go for the best of the best:lmao:. But there are many women who face the same problem for some reason or another. Maybe not breast size (I don't think any guy would only date women of a certain cup size), but things like weight or a big nose or whatnot. People eventually learn, I think. Like the girl who only goes after tall alpha male types, eventually she'll figure out they usually aren't the committed type. Eventually she figures out to date another type. I would think. Disclaimer: I don't have any experience to share, just stuff I see online.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Online dating is unrealistic in general. BOTH men and women have high expectations on dating sites because those sites are build on the process of elimination. Perfection is unattainable, especially since each person's perception of it is different. Women are not looking for perfection, they're merely looking for men that they find ideal. It's similar to a politician dating someone from a prestigious family. They are from a similar social circle and have more in common as opposed to dating someone with a shady background. People tend to date people who are similar. It's only opposite attracts that becomes an exception.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I think that is often true of inexperinced women, especially those who were brought up to believe that they are "a princess" and should be treated like one. Experinced women seem more realistic based on their past experiences. A woman who was treated badly in her last relationship is usually just looking for a guy who doesn't suck. :lmao: That's pretty funny. And I can't even say it's too far off the mark.
Isolde Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 II think. Like the girl who only goes after tall alpha male types, eventually she'll figure out they usually aren't the committed type. Eventually she figures out to date another type. I would think. In real life, dating by physical type rarely works. Sure, the first thing that comes to mind when I think of committed isn't necessarily a 6'3 alpha guy, but does that mean women should date only 5'6 guys? Of course not. That's like saying all women with big boobs are going to cheat. It's just not true. (And I do like semi short guys like 5'8 tall, but I'm just saying.) This is why online is silly. It basically forces people to think of potential dates as types, because you don't really know anything else about them (and even the physical info like weight or age could be a lie).
D-Lish Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I actually prefer someone who isn't perfect. Perfect is boring. As for the height thing- that lasy guy I dated was 5'7"- same height as me. I had no issues with his height. I think complicated is sexy. I also agree that I'd take John Stewart over Brad Pitt anyday. It comes down to meeting someone that is "interesting"... someone that stands out in a certain way. Unfortunately- you can't connect that way with someone online. I've been attracted to guys I've met in person, yet know if I had have seen them on a profile online...I probably wouldn't have gone out with them. I'm back to believing in RL connections as being a better avenue to meeting someone than online. Not to say that online doesn't work for some or can be credited with connecting many, many people. But after having a profile up for over 2 years and meeting a lot of duds... I think I'm taking my profile down.
vanilla87 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 My only requirements are that the guy is funny, intelligent, over 5'7", and either goes to school or has a job. I also have to be able to have a convo with him that involves both of us talking enough, not just me having to always start the convo or be the one that has to keep it going, I hate that! lol I like a guy that takes care of himself and tries to workout or atleast eat healthy a plus, because if I end up with him, I mean its a good sign that he is healthy enough to have a kid and for good genes in the long run. I'm not looking to settle down, but I do like having a guy that has the possibility of that option for me. Also if the sex is bad and what not, that'll be a huge mood killer. I mean you can try and try again, but if it just doesn't work, no spark between the sheets, that'll let me know for future moments that it'll never work... Also a good kiss can tell you a lot about the guy and what not. Thats kind of a huge turn on and something I look for in a guy.
Woggle Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 The funny thing is that many of these women have so little to offer themselves. If they were to somehow meet this perfect man that they are looking for what makes them think he would want anything to do with them.
Jaytb Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 In real life, dating by physical type rarely works. Sure, the first thing that comes to mind when I think of committed isn't necessarily a 6'3 alpha guy, but does that mean women should date only 5'6 guys? Of course not. That's like saying all women with big boobs are going to cheat. It's just not true. (And I do like semi short guys like 5'8 tall, but I'm just saying.) For all the truth that is in what you're saying, it's still hard for non alpha and non tall men in the dating world. I've looked at craigslist before just for entertainment and the women pretty much always say "must be tall, handsome, blah blah blah." Some say nothing about height (maybe even most, I haven't looked at them in a while), but it seems like 20 times more women prefer tall men than short men and average height men. Imagine how demoralizing that is for even average height guys like me. This is why online is silly. It basically forces people to think of potential dates as types, because you don't really know anything else about them (and even the physical info like weight or age could be a lie).Online is pretty silly. Especially how everyone just assumes that they'll find absolute perfection in their partner, while bringing nothing to the table themselves.
loveslife Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I want someone I click with. After being around the sun a few times I know that setting criteria for physical appearance is insane. I've been involved with guys of various physical types. Whatever the type of the guy I'm involved with, that becomes my physical type. I want someone kind, honest, fun, intelligent. I do much better in person than online. Don't photograph particularly well. But in person guys tend to be very attracted to me. And I have to agree with someone who said they've been attracted to guys who online you would have passed over. When you go online it's like ordering - picking and choosing types. So doesn't work for me. I'm very active so would like someone I can do things with outdoors. That was a problem with my last serious relationship. His idea of the great outdoors was sitting in his fishing boat all day. But I loved him anyway! And he wasn't tall. He did have gorgeous eyes though! I don't fall in love with a photograph. I fall in love with what's inside and how we connect. Truly.
Alma Mobley Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 This is silly. Of course women do not expect an impossible IDEAL (well, some do, but we're talking in generalities and those who want the IDEAL are living in another world). Women want a man they are attracted to (he doesn't have to be perfect) who shares commonalities with them - similar interests, etc. Someone who treats them well, but doesn't fall over himself to make her happy. He has his own life and doesn't tie his fulfillment to whom he's dating. I never used online dating, but from what I hear from friends, it is way too easy to "next" someone or be "nexted." (Not a word, I know.) Online dating seems to, well, make thing harder. Some people work better in person or even LOOK better in person, but they get nexted by people who in RL would date them. It's crazy. As a sidenote, I don't get the height thing -- men who post say they have to be over six foot to get a date. Really? Most American men are between 5'9" and 5'11", some around 6'0. Most men are not taller than that. I will admit that most women desire a partner who is taller than they. Maybe that is what they mean? (Last I checked -- and I have not checked in awhile -- the average height for American women is 5'4".) Since I am in the USA, I mean North American, as that is what I am familiar with!
Isolde Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 For all the truth that is in what you're saying, it's still hard for non alpha and non tall men in the dating world. I've looked at craigslist before just for entertainment and the women pretty much always say "must be tall, handsome, blah blah blah." Some say nothing about height (maybe even most, I haven't looked at them in a while), but it seems like 20 times more women prefer tall men than short men and average height men. Imagine how demoralizing that is for even average height guys like me. Online is pretty silly. Especially how everyone just assumes that they'll find absolute perfection in their partner, while bringing nothing to the table themselves. FWIW, I like average height guys. The women that are my height, like 5'4 and ONLY want 6'0 + need a serious reality check. While height can be exciting in a way, there's something to be said for dating someone that I can actually hug and kiss face-to-face, not on tiptoe.
fral945 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I think it is common knowledge that women consider more factors when choosing a partner than men do. Men pretty much start at “is she physically attractive?” and work from there. Some don't go much beyond that. In that respect, I say women do expect more overall, but I don’t think they all seek perfection. The key to me is being able to avoid the perfectionist, idealistic type of women and find more realistic, grounded type women. I’m finding that you have to sacrifice certain things (like the pretty face or body) to find that.
Alma Mobley Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Oops, I posted my opinion on the other thread.
griffy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I find your question interesting because, at least where I live, I see beautiful, smart, successful women with losers (by this I mean not very attractive, not financially stable, not interesting, immature.) My best friend’s boyfriend lives with his grandma (he's 28), barely works, and has no plans of moving out. I could tell story after story that is very similar to that one. On the other hand, I rarely see attractive, smart, successful men with women who are “losers” in the way I described above. When was the last time you saw a hot guy with an ugly woman? I see beautiful women with ugly guys all the time (I know there’s more to a person than looks; I was just simplifying my point.) Personally, I think women (at least the ones I know) are a lot more likely to settle than men are. What do you guys think?
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 This is kinda spun off another thread. Someone mentioned that women just seem to want pefection in the men they choose to date. I have to agree with this, From looks to personal traits. Whats your take on the situation? I think guys are just as unrealistic. I have several friends that are just obese... and they seem to want supermodels. That friend is truely unrealistic. I only skip over the girls who are beastly fat. I'll date the chubby ones no prob, as long as I think they are cute.
loveslife Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I'm in my 40s now but back in my 20s I knew lots of girls who had checklists (in their heads at least) of the type of guy they wanted. And much of it was superficial. What's the first thing people often ask when you say you've met someone? What does he/she look like? People make judgments. It's really bad, I think. As you get older I think you change your mind about what really matters. What is attractive anyway? I think that changes, too. Focusing on an ideal can lead to the unfulfillment of the goal. That's something I'm learning. My goal is to be with someone I'm compatible with who treats me well. Is that realistic?
Woggle Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I find your question interesting because, at least where I live, I see beautiful, smart, successful women with losers (by this I mean not very attractive, not financially stable, not interesting, immature.) My best friend’s boyfriend lives with his grandma (he's 28), barely works, and has no plans of moving out. I could tell story after story that is very similar to that one. On the other hand, I rarely see attractive, smart, successful men with women who are “losers” in the way I described above. When was the last time you saw a hot guy with an ugly woman? I see beautiful women with ugly guys all the time (I know there’s more to a person than looks; I was just simplifying my point.) Personally, I think women (at least the ones I know) are a lot more likely to settle than men are. What do you guys think? Women will go for a man like this more quickly than they will a great catch who has it all together but doesn't provide the right amount of drama.
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