Need some insight!

[Eric38Q]

Like many here, my wife has told me that she want out of our marriage. While she is still living in the house, I doubt it will be long. She said she wants to leave, but stayed at the request of our MC (two sessions so far). In that session, we agreed that she needed space, so I agreed to respect her need for separation and independence. Unfortunately, I messed up today. When she was leaving for work and a 3 day conference, I saw that she was wearing a blouse that she normally wore to indicate to me that she was open to physical intimacy. I the morning, I just told her that I thought she looked hot and she smiled and gave me a kiss. However, she came back later to do something, and I blew it, I gave her a hug and a kiss that she didn't want. She pushed away and told me she doesn't feel that way about me anymore. I apologized, I violated a trust with her. Then, to break the tension, I patted her playfully on the rear and said she better get going. However, I could tell, I made her anxious to be near me.

 

I reads like a 'walk away wife syndrome', but having a category doesn't help. I love this woman more than anything in the world. Even as hurt as I feel, I would lay down my life for her.

 

It has been nearly 4 weeks since she first said she wants to go, that she loves me but is not in love, and that she has moved on.

 

What should I do? I want to win her back. Any ladies out there that have gone through this as a wife who left? There has never be any abuse or infidelity, just a lot of poorly resolved hurt and resentment.

[NYCmitch25]

Like many here, my wife has told me that she want out of our marriage. While she is still living in the house, I doubt it will be long. She said she wants to leave, but stayed at the request of our MC (two sessions so far). In that session, we agreed that she needed space, so I agreed to respect her need for separation and independence. Unfortunately, I messed up today. When she was leaving for work and a 3 day conference, I saw that she was wearing a blouse that she normally wore to indicate to me that she was open to physical intimacy. I the morning, I just told her that I thought she looked hot and she smiled and gave me a kiss. However, she came back later to do something, and I blew it, I gave her a hug and a kiss that she didn't want. She pushed away and told me she doesn't feel that way about me anymore. I apologized, I violated a trust with her. Then, to break the tension, I patted her playfully on the rear and said she better get going. However, I could tell, I made her anxious to be near me.

 

I reads like a 'walk away wife syndrome', but having a category doesn't help. I love this woman more than anything in the world. Even as hurt as I feel, I would lay down my life for her.

 

It has been nearly 4 weeks since she first said she wants to go, that she loves me but is not in love, and that she has moved on.

 

What should I do? I want to win her back. Any ladies out there that have gone through this as a wife who left? There has never be any abuse or infidelity, just a lot of poorly resolved hurt and resentment.

 

The act of engaging in interpersonal communications is a real art, one of the most complicated and mentally sophisiticated things we do - many times in error. Being with a partner at times is much like working a fish on the end of a pole, you pull too hard the line will snap. Too soft and the fish loses interest in the bate.

 

You are much like many people in this mess, you want a set of things from her but lack the ability to get them do to immense baggage and hangups. Plus you are over compensating a bit for her lack of love towards you. IDK, you are in a really tough spot, this fish is off the line and swimming away, you're gonna have to turn you boat around to catch her (if even possible).

 

Perhaps her leaving the house would be a good thing ? Maybe you should suggest it to her in a 180 of your previous views ? I say this because you really need to step back and attract her to you naturally opposed to trying to perhaps hold on. Plus, if I was so smitten with someone I couldn't have, I sure as hell wouldn't want to have to see them every day .. as the stress of rejection would drive me insane !! Plus, as they say, there are other fish in the sea ...

[badbrit]

I have spoken before or rather posted on threads concerning ebooks and have summurized that they teach good habits and help to enhance chances of reconcilliation but feel that at the very best they only delay the inevitable. Once the love and spark has faded, it is very rare for it to recover. I have loved and lost a marriage and a seperate situation with a girl I still love who i share a child with and although I would do almost anything to reverse the situation with her, I have understood that she has for want of a better expression, "lost that lovin feelin and now its gone gone gone" and it is never coming back.

 

Now the thing is, I can recognise what you are writing, I could have written that three years ago and have been through ALOT with her in that three years, especially the first two during which she said the same thing, left for three months, came back, stayed for 18 months before going for good a year ago.

 

Now I learnt some things too late and with hindsight, if i knew then what I did now, I would have walked away myself three years ago as an ex/partner going through the emotions that yours is/mine was is 95% of the time fatal, if not right now, long term. Sometimes them fleeing can be prevented but although positive feelings inside her can return, those negative feelings she has today will remain inside and grow and grow.

 

However, a marriage should not be discarded without a fight. Let me tell you that as you are, you are fighting a losing battle. Totally. I could write reams and reams on the reasons for this but would ask you to trust me on this. You have one chance here and I will recommend an ebook. It is called Stop Your Divorce by Homer McDonald. It costs eighty dollars via the official website although I imagine you can find it cheaper. That is really not a lot to spend and what it tells you and teaches you would be invaluable. I am 100% certain that either you will fix this (unlikely but possible, sorry, just my experience) or you will know for sure that nothing could salvage it.

 

A lot of advice will be given here and I will be shouted at for suggesting this, a lot of people will say it is a waste of money and that the advice on loveshack is just as good. Trust me, it isnt and does not even begin to touch on what is in this book.

 

Your chances of success are at best 10% I reckon. The book has no secret formula despite its claims BUT it will certainly prevent you DECREASING your chances which from experience again, you will naturally do and are doing.

 

Please have a look and trust a man that has really studied this stuff. My belief is that once it is gone, it is gone for good. However sometimes it is not the case and I believe this book and some others can put some people on the right road.

 

Please give some feedback, even if you ignore the advice, I am curious to hear what happens here. I hate people who come for advice then just go. I would like to hear some more.