PlumPrincess Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I was visiting someone a while ago. At first it was planned that I would stay for a couple of days at his place, then he stood me up. The whole thing was quite stupid, but we made peace somehow. It's a bit complicated to explain everything so, I will keep it short. The important thing is, I spent the last night of my vacation at his place. We had met years ago at a hostel and had been in touch since then, sometimes more, sometimes less. He had been somewhat interested in me, and he said he had invited me for dinner and that we had spent the evening together (I had forgotten about this, but I think he is right). He hadn't been uninterested, but I wasn't really sure and he was leaving the next day anyway (I think so...?). Later on I tried to set him up with a very close friend of mine, who I thought might be a good match for him, but it didn't work out with them. Anyway, this time we went out for dinner, had a nice evening, went home, chatted a bit and went to bed. I was supposed to sleep on the couch in the living room. Well, until I changed my mind and thought I should try something new. I've always been a very cautious person regarding guys and relationships. I sometimes wonder whether I have a quite good instinct or whether I'm not overly anxious. So, usually I'm single, which doesn't really make me happy. I also tend to get attached quite easily if I'm not careful, so it's not even possible for me to kill time with affairs. Anyway, I decided that I should do something that I would usually not do. I knew he was quite interested in someone else and I didn't really assume this go anyhwere. So, I sent him a text message asking him if he wanted to cuddle with me. He didn't answer. I called. He still didn't answered. So, I knocked on his door and asked him if he wanted to cuddle with me and he said, "Sure." He had been sleeping that's why he didn't get my text messages and didn't hear my call (just like I had assumed). Recently I was talking to him and asking him if he thought there was anything weird about my behavior. It was just a general question, but he said, "You mean, apart from knocking at someone's door at night after sending them unanswered texts and asking them for a cuddle?" He said he considered what I did to be quite high on the weird-o-meter. I wouldn't say that he was trying to hit on me, but I got a quite tight hug (the kind that actually leads to more, but in that case didn't) when we said good-bye (I had to get up really early, so we said good-bye before going to bed), he thinks I'm attractive, and the cuddling actually led to more. I'm not sure, my assumption is that other guys would have just been pleasantly surprised if a girl that they found attractive asked them for a cuddle and he calls it weird. He also got upset with me a couple of times when we were in bed. Obviously he thought it was an inappropriate moment to ask for a massage once we were past the just-cuddling-phase. Then he refused to turn on some light. Then he complained that I laughed, because I was so ticklish. Etc., etc. I wasn't trying to provoke him or anything, but somehow I think that's what he thought. The whole thing was totally not what I expected. Sometimes I really think my life has turned from tragedy to comedy. It should have been harmless fun and he calls my behavior weird... Anyway, was my behavior really so weird?
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 And before anybody says, "Be true to yourself, blabla..." - weirding people out is not useful in finding someone.
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Come on - no answers? That's a really easy question.
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Could someone just give a freaking answer...? Personally, I don't think it's weird, and I will confess, I think even if you said it was weird, I would still do it again, but well, could other people please confirm my view? Just to make me happy?
gopher Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Well, he said it was weird, and it seems that his opinion matters the most to you. I'd say it was a bit agressive on your part. But hey, at least you went for it.
gopher Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Uh yeah...texting him, calling him and then knocking on his door asking to cuddle=agressive... Lots of guys go for stuff like that, but maybe he didn't....
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 "Lots of guys go for that" It's just not that bad! It sounds as if I had been doing something bad to him!
nama Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 If I was in his shoes I would find that weird. You don't seem to acting straight with him...? You're interested but set him up with someone else etc. What do you want from him? He sounds like a decent guy (respectful) which is why he probably acted like he did.
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 I set him up two and half years ago. And he is currently obsessed with some other girl. I'm not that mean.
nama Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 If he's obssessed with some other girl then maybe that's why he did it...? If you're into someone the last thing you may want to do is 'cuddle' with someone else, right?
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 What's so respectful about his behavior?
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 If he's obssessed with some other girl then maybe that's why he did it...? If you're into someone the last thing you may want to do is 'cuddle' with someone else, right? Well, he had told me he was dating around. And that was not me who initiated sex. Ok, we're digressing from the topic. Get back!
nama Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I guess I'm confused now by your story - did you sleep with him? My assumption was that you didn't. Anyway, I would call asking for 'cuddles' weird especially when theres nothing going on between you. I was in a similar position with a bestfriend who had a gf but always wanted to 'cuddle' i.e. get touchy feely with me... I found it unnerving actually.
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Well, my assumption was that he still found me attractive and I find him not unattractive, but I'm not sure if he would be a good choice for me. I think this is the first time I ever changed my mind about someone I had labeled as "friend." Hm, I did not really change it. I still think he is a self-centered little brat. Let's say, I don't find the idea of getting physical with him repulsive. And my friends are simply that, I absolutely do not cuddle with any of them.
Author PlumPrincess Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Anyway, the question is not whether he likes me or not, or whether he finds me attractive or not. I just didn't understand why he would call what I did weird. I feel like a stupid weirdo now.
Recommended Posts