Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 In theory the concept sounds very simple. Actually picking up on the clues in real situations, is quite difficult. When is it a sign of interest and when is it a woman just being friendly?Now that's something that's individual reliant. Some women are in your face and others are the complete opposite where they totally ignore you. Myself, I sit somewhere in the middle. More body language and eye contact. I never approach a man that looks interesting. He has to figure it out, approach me, then generate more interest by displaying consistent interest without the push/pull games. If he wanders off, trying to game me or not terribly interested, I let him go. I won't chase him. But using those little clues is what my first gf did, although I wasn't really aware of it at the time. Or maybe I was, and that was the cause for that thundering voice in my head, urging me to talk to her. There you go. Instinctually, you knew to approach her and didn't know why. I'm guessing that's pretty normal for a lot of men.
shadowplay Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 This is an interesting theoretical kinda question. As a woman, do you want to feel like you chose your SO, or that he chose you? Obviously, both people have to "choose" one another for a relationship to happen, but which would you want to be predominant? And why? While these days, women have become much more picky (probably excessively so), there's still a sizable minority, that would be perfectly happy to just be chosen. My romantic ideal is both. That we simultaneously notice each other, but he makes the first move. Relationships that started where I felt like he chose me first never panned out.
shadowplay Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Here is my theory: Women want to be chosen by a guy they have 'pre-chosen' initially. No woman wants to be approached by a random guy at a bar, they want the cute guy at the end to come up and talk to them. I'm not sure if this makes any sense to anyone but me, but I dont think women generally just want anyone walking up to them looking for a date. And now a days, women are somewhat exessively picky, but you cant blame people for having standards. Exactly, but not just that. Ideally I need time to have pre-chosen the guy first. For some attraction to have built. I notice him and then he asks me out. Even if a stranger is cute and my type, it takes away some of the thrill if he just approaches me before I have a chance to notice him. There's nothing more satisfying than having a crush requited. It feels so magical.
You'reasian Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 This is exactly what I was trying to say, but couldn't quite word it. We want to have our cake and eat it too Nothing wrong with being honest - most guys know this.
Author Isolde Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 Exactly, but not just that. Ideally I need time to have pre-chosen the guy first. For some attraction to have built. I notice him and then he asks me out. Even if a stranger is cute and my type, it takes away some of the thrill if he just approaches me before I have a chance to notice him. There's nothing more satisfying than having a crush requited. It feels so magical. I think either way can be kinda exciting, but you're right that it's so much better when people simultaneously crush on one another.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 But using those little clues is what my first gf did, although I wasn't really aware of it at the time. Or maybe I was, and that was the cause for that thundering voice in my head, urging me to talk to her. Yea, I've heard that voice too. But I'm convinced that better than 95% of the time it did it only to laugh at me later.
Dorada234 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 When I am dating I like to be approached by a man, but ultimately I choose. I won't date a man just because he chose me. Ditto.Ditto
Yamaha Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 It's funny. Women want a guy to be confident and secure in his maleness but if he approaches a women and she feels he is not to her station she may even get offended that he had the nerve to think she would be interested. I knew a women who felt this way. The guy is supposed to know which women he CAN approach. No wonder many guys are clueless in determining what women want. The key guys is to pay attention to women and see the signs they are interested before you let them feel they chose you.
Island Girl Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Women want to be chosen by a guy they have 'pre-chosen' initially. This is exactly correct. I choose the guy(s) I may be interested in and "invite" (eye contact - smiles, etc.) them to come over to me to talk or whatever. When he comes over then he has "chosen" and then it is up to me to decide if I want to go out with them, etc.
pollywag Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 pollywag - You need to post more. I like the way you think. Ditto.Ditto It's funny. Women want a guy to be confident and secure in his maleness but if he approaches a women and she feels he is not to her station she may even get offended that he had the nerve to think she would be interested. I knew a women who felt this way. The guy is supposed to know which women he CAN approach. No wonder many guys are clueless in determining what women want. You're right! I see that as well I hear women complain they never get approached but the first chance a regular guy has at talking to her and she is just not feeling it, she is the first to claim "some creep is trying to pick me up" I feel for your guys, sometimes. You can't have it both ways, either you enjoy being approached fully understanding it won't always be your ideal match approaching you, or you don't enjoy it.
Author Isolde Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Any good woman will be civil to a guy that approaches her in a non creepy manner... most of the time when I get approached, the guy just talks to me a bit as a preliminary icebreaker and no numbers are exchanged or anything like that. So whether I'm interested or not--no rejection takes place, if I AM interested I smile and make serious eye contact. Though women don't get point-blank rejected as often as men, we do get rejected in subtler ways. For example, only rarely does a guy facebook friend me/ask for my number; most guys who initiate conversation with me don't seek me out again. I'm sure in some of those cases it's 'cause he's not interested, but I don't really care.
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