kashmir Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I can't get this out of my head. Part of me knows it's irrational but I can't help but feel paranoid. I'm going to let it all out here. When I get in a real low, like I'm in now, most women become demons to me. I see them as egocentric, overly-judgmental, and spoiled. I think that they have life made with little effort on their part. I think that they will get advantages in opportunities through life because they can manipulate men. What I absolutely hate seeing is a pretty young girl having fun, especially around guys. On top of it, she shows that she is successful in some way, as in getting good grades or something. I think this bitterness stems from the idea that she will shun me if I try to befriend her (which is derived from girls like this shunning me and calling me a creep in the past. These girls, for the most part, were flukes. I can go into detail about them if any of you won't have my word. I still can't get them out of my head, though.) I believe she will hate me and hate the ways in which I'm different, or worse, she just won't acknowledge me at all. It makes me think that girl after girl will keep me out of their lives. It makes me feel like a sub-man who will always be ignored or outcast in everything I try. I try to make it through these times and do my best to smile at people walking by, but all I ever get are scowls. A girl scowls at me one day, and then the next she's all over the typical hot guy. Seriously, I feel like my world is some illusion and I'm really in hell being punished, like every time I pass a person they turn back and look at me to make sure their plan to torture me is going right. Lately I've been losing the people that gave me some comfort from these thoughts. I've felt especially alone lately. I'm sure people will tell me (if anyone even cares to read this) to forget about girls/people and just worry about myself. That's easy to say, but for most of my life I worried about only myself. For the last few years I've yearned to make up for lost time and reach out to people and establish bonds with them. I'll say it now. I need people to be happy. I can't stay inside forever reading my books and playing my instruments. I want to do something with those talents and be recognized for them, but all people and girls ever do is shun me and forget me. I don't want to be forgotten. I want girls to know me and want to know me. I don't have a great view of people in general, but girls especially. I don't want this view. I really don't, but right now I can't help it.
flash582 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Can you say "low self esteem?" Man ... you need to find someone you can talk this out with, like a therapist, your priest, or someone. You are making yourself miserable for NO reason. The only reason women, in general, shun someone is if they have no confidence in themselves. (assuming no major deformities, etc.) I mean, come on ... you always see beautiful women on the arms of ugly, ugly men .... why? In a word, it's confidence. Start by watching movies like James Bond, Bruce Willis, and other action heros. These are exaggerations of the truth, but what they all have in common is unshakable confidence in themselves that shows in how they talk to others, men and women. Food for thought.
boxing123 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 There are many great women. The problem is they are not that much to look at. The "hotter" ones can present themselves more often as how you describe. However I have found that most of them are not as happy as they outwardly seem. They are just people as well. Actually they have much more to worry about as they all know inside that their looks will fade, and that is the biggest thing they have going for them. So they HAVE to find a way to cash in on it. Women are physically weaker, more emotional, more dependent,more insecure, more lonely, and overall less capable. So no matter what they look like you should not feel intimidated.
Loxx Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Hey man not to sound harsh but you need a reality check. So what you cant have the hottest women in the crowd, most of us cant. Learn to like what you have. Try to Smile more! It is proven the more you smile the better outlook you will have on life. You sound like a serial killer in the making.
Star Gazer Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 You sound like a serial killer in the making. I can't really disagree.
OpenBook Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Why don't you step outside your own shoes for a minute. Maybe there's something you're doing that's causing these people to "shun" you. The way you are dressed, maybe? The perpetual scowl on your own face? Do you slouch, or lope along, as you walk? (I have no idea, I'm just guessing here.) People "shun" other people because their instincts are telling them this person will bring them trouble... or they sense that he/she isn't cognizant of others' feelings, and they're afraid they won't be treated well by him/her. I wish there was a way for a person to hire a videocamera to follow him/herself around for a day. It would be a real eye-opener for how we come across to others. Most people are not fully aware of our own appearance and body language, and the message it's sending out. From my own experience, I know that people (the VERY SAME people that I've known for years!! including my family members!! as well as the grocery-store clerks & other strangers I come across in public) treat me differently when I put a lot of effort into dressing in flattering clothes/makeup... as opposed to when I don't. It always amazes me, as I am the VERY SAME PERSON in both scenarios!! -yet they treat me like I'm a totally different person.
flash582 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 The next piece is to learn how to ask good questions about what OTHER people are interested in, and not expect them to be interested in what YOU find interesting. I bet that, for example, that cheerleaders love to talk about what a challenge it is to be a cheerleader. That someone in college prep would love to talk about their thoughts on going to college. To become interesting you must be interested in what others are interested in.
Isolde Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You self-direct other people's actions to an extent that you see the world in a very unhealthy, distorted and angry way. Please, consider seeking therapy. This is worrying.
johan Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You can go to therapy if you want. That will just be an expensive waste of time. There is just one simple truth you need to come to terms with, and then you'll feel better about things: life doesn't owe you anything. You are no more special to this universe than a stray cat. Loneliness is the name of the game when you feel sorry for yourself. And feeling sorry for yourself is what you do when you don't have something you want, and you think the world owes it to you.
SeekingOpinions Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I hope this is constructive advice... You may have a lot of pent up energy that is showing up in this way. How much do you exercise? Do you push yourself when you exercise? If not, try making it part of your routine at least 4 times a week. Try to choose a type of excercise that you enjoy. Just make sure that when you exercise, you are challenging yourself, not just going through the motions. Are there any women in your your life who you like and respect? What about a family member? Maybe more time with them would help as well.
You'reasian Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I'm sure people will tell me (if anyone even cares to read this) to forget about girls/people and just worry about myself. That's easy to say, but for most of my life I worried about only myself. For the last few years I've yearned to make up for lost time and reach out to people and establish bonds with them. I'll say it now. I need people to be happy. I can't stay inside forever reading my books and playing my instruments. I want to do something with those talents and be recognized for them, but all people and girls ever do is shun me and forget me. I don't want to be forgotten. I want girls to know me and want to know me. I don't have a great view of people in general, but girls especially. I don't want this view. I really don't, but right now I can't help it. Look at women's personalities too.
burning 4 revenge Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I hope this is constructive advice... You may have a lot of pent up energy that is showing up in this way. How much do you exercise? Do you push yourself when you exercise? If not, try making it part of your routine at least 4 times a week. Try to choose a type of excercise that you enjoy. Just make sure that when you exercise, you are challenging yourself, not just going through the motions. Are there any women in your your life who you like and respect? What about a family member? Maybe more time with them would help as well. Yeah, you just sound like the quintessential angry young man to me. Don't listen to the female posters emasculating you with their advice..just use that anger constructively to achieve a goal. Think Taxidriver
burning 4 revenge Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You can go to therapy if you want. That will just be an expensive waste of time. There is just one simple truth you need to come to terms with, and then you'll feel better about things: life doesn't owe you anything. You are no more special to this universe than a stray cat. Loneliness is the name of the game when you feel sorry for yourself. And feeling sorry for yourself is what you do when you don't have something you want, and you think the world owes it to you. Loneliness and feeling sorry for yourself have nothing todo with each other I know some very social people who seem to feel sorry for themselves and some pretty stoic people who live lonley, isolated existences
MN randomguy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I can relate Kash, If you remember your thread about family issues, I stated that I too have similar family issues. My shrink the last time I went to him and told him about my confrontation with my dad and how, when it got down to it he refuses to be supportive without getting something in return, the doc. looked at me, had a stupid smile, and said, wow, that really sucks. I've been pretty active in church and would like to someday find a mentor. I'm pretty lonely now but have been reading Henry Cloud Townsend's "Safe People" My theory is that we all underestimate the power of coming from a decent family. I plan to somewhat artificially create that once I can figure out who to surround myself with.
burning 4 revenge Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 DOnt start going to church to assauge your loneliness Kashmir. DOnt sugarcoat the world to deal with it The reality is life is hard and its lonelier for some than it is for others. The only point of disagreement I have with you is your focus on women, but given your age I can understand it. WOmen are for the most part selfish, yes, but so are men, so are you probably and so am I But don't be deballed. I like the anger in you post it has soul and it feels real
johan Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Loneliness and feeling sorry for yourself have nothing todo with each other No. No. What I said is a universal absolute.
Isolde Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Therapy isn't a solution to everything, I agree, but it's a good place to start. Nor is it emasculating. The right therapist won't give you platitudes and sugarcoat but simply direct you towards managing negative reactions.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Oh, here we go again, another women are evil thread. Let's see how many pages this one goes for. Kashmir, you do sound paranoid. You must know that these are irrational thoughts. I mean really, do you honestly think that half the world's population just floats through life without a care in the world? Life is hard for everyone. You are not special in that regard. We all have our challenges. We're all just trying to take each day as it comes. Sane, decent people don't look for ways to make your life miserable. And why should you care about the ones who do? They are not worth one minute of your time. What do you do on a daily basis to make other people's lives better? Do you think that you can expand your mind to allow that there may be goodness in the opposite sex? And that pretty girls may be great girls, too? And that if you live your life with gusto, determination, generosity, and a belief in yourself that you may actually meet one of these women? Sitting behind your computer screen and wallowing in your misery is not going to help. There will be some helpful advice here, but there will also be other people who are bitter and angry who will agree with you that women are, indeed, worthless. Is that going to help you escape from your thoughts? Is that what you want? For people to agree with you? From your previous posts, I think that you have a lot going for you, but you tend to allow negative thoughts to consume you. The question you must ask yourself is whether you will allow them to take over or if you will fight back against them. I hope you choose the latter.
Author kashmir Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Can you say "low self esteem?" Man ... you need to find someone you can talk this out with, like a therapist, your priest, or someone. You are making yourself miserable for NO reason. The only reason women, in general, shun someone is if they have no confidence in themselves. (assuming no major deformities, etc.) I mean, come on ... you always see beautiful women on the arms of ugly, ugly men .... why? In a word, it's confidence. Start by watching movies like James Bond, Bruce Willis, and other action heros. These are exaggerations of the truth, but what they all have in common is unshakable confidence in themselves that shows in how they talk to others, men and women. Food for thought. My thoughts of myself are very very dynamic. After I wrote this thread, I went out and was listening to Alice in Chains with my hair over my eyes. Then on the bus this older lady smiled at me and asked me about my sweatshirt with an organization on it and declared her support for it. That made me raise my head and walk with some pride for the next few hours. Then coming back to this thread made me down again. This is mostly brought on by me, with the help of a long history of peers' actions towards. Ultimately it's me, though, but it's really hard. I've been through dozens of doctors and therapists. They've never made much progress. I go to one now like once a month because we like to talk about music. He's my friend and I like him, but he hasn't really helped in a major way. There are many great women. The problem is they are not that much to look at. The "hotter" ones can present themselves more often as how you describe. However I have found that most of them are not as happy as they outwardly seem. They are just people as well. Actually they have much more to worry about as they all know inside that their looks will fade, and that is the biggest thing they have going for them. So they HAVE to find a way to cash in on it. Women are physically weaker, more emotional, more dependent,more insecure, more lonely, and overall less capable. So no matter what they look like you should not feel intimidated. It isn't their looks that intimidates me. An mildly attractive girl and a celebrity-esque girl affect me the same way. Hey man not to sound harsh but you need a reality check. So what you cant have the hottest women in the crowd, most of us cant. Learn to like what you have. Try to Smile more! It is proven the more you smile the better outlook you will have on life. You sound like a serial killer in the making. I've always needed a reality check. That's why I posted this...to get a reality check. I've mentioned it before on LS, but if it helps, I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and also have been diagnosed with asperger's syndrome, though I really don't completely agree with that diagnosis as I only have a few traits of it. And to be honest, I have fantasized about breaking loose and becoming bad just to add chaos to the world before I go down. Just going on a morally absent spree without any care or love for human life or my family members. By god, I don't want that, though. Not in a million years. That would come before suicide, though. I can't really disagree. Why do you feel the need to come to my threads to bash me and offer NOTHING constructive? You did this with the thread I made about mental illness and dating. My only thought is that you like beating someone downtrodden and wounded, in which case YOU'RE the serial killer in the making. Why don't you step outside your own shoes for a minute. Maybe there's something you're doing that's causing these people to "shun" you. The way you are dressed, maybe? The perpetual scowl on your own face? Do you slouch, or lope along, as you walk? (I have no idea, I'm just guessing here.) People "shun" other people because their instincts are telling them this person will bring them trouble... or they sense that he/she isn't cognizant of others' feelings, and they're afraid they won't be treated well by him/her. I wish there was a way for a person to hire a videocamera to follow him/herself around for a day. It would be a real eye-opener for how we come across to others. Most people are not fully aware of our own appearance and body language, and the message it's sending out. From my own experience, I know that people (the VERY SAME people that I've known for years!! including my family members!! as well as the grocery-store clerks & other strangers I come across in public) treat me differently when I put a lot of effort into dressing in flattering clothes/makeup... as opposed to when I don't. It always amazes me, as I am the VERY SAME PERSON in both scenarios!! -yet they treat me like I'm a totally different person. I wonder about this too. People will sometimes mistake my body language for false negative states/emotions, like nervousness or worrying. I'll be totally fine inside my head when someone asks, "What's wrong?" I'm very jittery all the time, possibly because of my meds. I notice this sometimes in labs when we're dissecting. Everyone else can hold the scapula or other tools steadily while mine moves around fairly rapidly. I usually act like I'm on too much caffeine. I try to smile as much as possible. I don't think that's a problem. I dress normally...just jeans and a t-shirt or sweatshirt. Longer hair, sometimes covering my eyes. That's all I can think of. The next piece is to learn how to ask good questions about what OTHER people are interested in, and not expect them to be interested in what YOU find interesting. I bet that, for example, that cheerleaders love to talk about what a challenge it is to be a cheerleader. That someone in college prep would love to talk about their thoughts on going to college. To become interesting you must be interested in what others are interested in. I do this. I actually think I'm pretty good at it. As openbook said, it would probably be 100x more helpful if people could see me in real life to better see my body language and speech. You self-direct other people's actions to an extent that you see the world in a very unhealthy, distorted and angry way. Please, consider seeking therapy. This is worrying. As I said, it's been considered and done for years. The only thing that's left to help me is myself. You can go to therapy if you want. That will just be an expensive waste of time. There is just one simple truth you need to come to terms with, and then you'll feel better about things: life doesn't owe you anything. You are no more special to this universe than a stray cat. Loneliness is the name of the game when you feel sorry for yourself. And feeling sorry for yourself is what you do when you don't have something you want, and you think the world owes it to you. Believe me, I know that I'm just another lump of organic matter in this universe. I'm not special. No one owes me anything. I'm just frustrated after trying many many times and failing. I'm trying for what I want - connections with people. I never expected to be handed friendships and relationships. I hope this is constructive advice... You may have a lot of pent up energy that is showing up in this way. How much do you exercise? Do you push yourself when you exercise? If not, try making it part of your routine at least 4 times a week. Try to choose a type of excercise that you enjoy. Just make sure that when you exercise, you are challenging yourself, not just going through the motions. Are there any women in your your life who you like and respect? What about a family member? Maybe more time with them would help as well. I wake up at 6 am every morning to do a very demanding workout that takes a lot of mental focus as well. This weekend I have my first regatta, where I'll spend about 6 minutes putting my body through hell in order to gain a few inches on another boat. I'm very passionate about this, if you can tell, and it is a great way to let out energy. Recently, though, things have been rough and stressful with my sport. I'm making my way through it, but it along with every other aspect of my life is declining all at once. That's what's throwing me in this manic state right now.
pollywag Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I'm sure people will tell me (if anyone even cares to read this) to forget about girls/people and just worry about myself. That's easy to say, but for most of my life I worried about only myself. For the last few years I've yearned to make up for lost time and reach out to people and establish bonds with them. I'll say it now. I need people to be happy. I can't stay inside forever reading my books and playing my instruments. I want to do something with those talents and be recognized for them, but all people and girls ever do is shun me and forget me. I don't want to be forgotten. I want girls to know me and want to know me. I don't have a great view of people in general, but girls especially. I don't want this view. I really don't, but right now I can't help it. I am actually going to tell you the opposite of what you think people will tell you: stop focusing so much on yourself. All these perceptions of the women that surround you and other's happiness is really you focusing on yourself all the time. You are so self centered in your thoughts and needs that all you do is focus on the negative and me me me. If you are standing infront of a mirror all day long obviously you will start to see the flaws and find them where they don't even exist. Go focus your life on others if you want to do something meaningful, not smile at chicks on the street, REALLY focus your life on others. Help those who need of you, devote some of your time to those who can use your help. Let others see you when you are not looking. That is the best way to get noticed, you are on the sidelines observing yourself as the the best and worst spectator.
MN randomguy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I am actually going to tell you the opposite of what you think people will tell you: stop focusing so much on yourself. All these perceptions of the women that surround you and other's happiness is really you focusing on yourself all the time. You are so self centered in your thoughts and needs that all you do is focus on the negative and me me me. Good point, Heard somewhere that the rise of self-centered-ness and depression in our culture are inter-related.
Author kashmir Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Go focus your life on others if you want to do something meaningful, not smile at chicks on the street, REALLY focus your life on others. Help those who need of you, devote some of your time to those who can use your help. Let others see you when you are not looking. That is the best way to get noticed, you are on the sidelines observing yourself as the the best and worst spectator. I actually thought someone might say exactly what you said, rightfully too. Let me explain a bit, though. During downtime, I'm thinking about myself. I'm thinking about that cute girl on the bus or that girl in class when I'm getting bored. I do some charitable activities, though. While I would like to do it more, I volunteer at a soup kitchen at least 3 hours a week...more in the summer. Next year I hope that I can raise a seeing-eye dog on campus...I'm involved in the program now but am not allowed to have my own to raise yet. I love animals and I love spending time with them. When I'm away from home where my pets are I sometimes sneak out to the farms at night by my apartment and spend the night with them. I don't know if they like me there or not, but they don't seem to mind, and I know I'm not thinking about myself or any of my worries when I'm out there.
MN randomguy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Oh, here we go again, another women are evil thread. Let's see how many pages this one goes for. Kashmir, you do sound paranoid. You must know that these are irrational thoughts. If you read the OP he admits that they're irrational. That doesn't make them go away.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 If you read the OP he admits that they're irrational. That doesn't make them go away. I gave him advice to help them go away. So did Pollywag, and so did other people. And yes, I did read the OP, thank you very much. I gave a thoughtful response, as I have in the past in other threads and also PM's. So what do you think he should do to help the thoughts go away?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 And to be honest, I have fantasized about breaking loose and becoming bad just to add chaos to the world before I go down. Just going on a morally absent spree without any care or love for human life or my family members. By god, I don't want that, though. Not in a million years. That would come before suicide, though. This is frightening, Kashmir. You say you have been to many doctors, and I'm sure it has been frustrating, but are you following through with medication recommendations, etc? If you are unhappy with the treatment, are you seeking someone new to see? When I read the above paragraph, I think of the Virginia Tech guy. That's really scary. Read that to yourself again. Please get help when you are feeling down.
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