JaneS Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Hi all...am a 'newby' to LoveShack....would appreciate any advice/ comments on the following: Have been on four dates with a guy who I am rather keen on. It's a difficult situation in the sense that we live a couple of hours apart and can only see one another at weekends. Following the fourth date, things seemed to 'slow' a little as neither of us prompted another date. After much frustration on my part, I decided to 'take the bull by the horns' and ask him out on another date. He agreed, much to my delight! Our date was planned for this weekend coming - ideally spending the weekend together. At the start of the week he called to say that he had forgotten that he had tickets to a football game (I know this was true). He said that he would try to get rid of them but then I responded by saying that I didn't mind if he went and that we could meet Sunday instead. He agreed...quelle surprise! (secretly think he wanted to go football). He said he will call me tomorrow to sort plans for Sunday. Anyway, my question is this...I haven't heard from him now (by any means of communication) for two days now. I feel a bit gutted that he has rearranged the date for starters and now that he can't even be bothered to send an SMS. Is this me being too impatient? Am I being unreasonable? Is he still as interested? He did suggest a few days away together over Easter in a phone call last week so part of me thinks he must be interested to say that. I am not a fan of the dating game I must admit...the uncertainty of it all drives me crazy! Any advice would be greatly appreciated JaneS:)
2sunny Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 when it appears that you are making more effort than he is - then he's not that interested. if he really wanted just to be with you - nothing would be in the way. football tickets? where do you live? here in the u.s. football was ending almost two months ago. my gut says he's got something going with someone else... possibly several he's juggling. how old are you both? married prior - any kids?
Author JaneS Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 Thanks for your replies...Jaytb - he called me Monday night to tell me about the football tickets and then sent an sms Tuesday to suggest a place to meet on Sunday. I replied to make a different suggestion but then haven't sent an sms since because I'm stubborn and think he should be making the effort after rearranging! 2sunny...I live in the UK and know that the football ticket story is for real. England are playing this Saturday. I am 33 and he is 35, no marriage history for either of us and no kids. Just feel a bit disappointed that he a) not even mention the football and just not go as we had made arrangements or b) just 'got rid of them' like he said he would! Am I expecting too much here? Friends say I should give him the benefit of the doubt and go Sunday...it has just soured it for me though and I'm not really looking forward to it any more
pollywag Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 You are making all the moves and he is going along for the ride only when convenient for him. I hate to break it to you, but he is not interested. He is a man not a kid starting out in the dating game he knows exactly what he is doing. Women think they can be the ones to initiate all the dating but the truth is that if a guy is really into a woman he will jump through hoops to be with her. Never settle for a man you have to coax into seeing you or else you will end up with a lot of questions and more than likely realize he is just not as interested as you are. I wouldn't contact him anymore. Let him come to you, if he even does.
Author JaneS Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 Thanks Pollywag...am definitely not going to contact him now and will see if he rings tomorrow to sort plans as he said he would. When I prompted the next date last week, that was the first time I had done since we started dating in Feb. He has been chasing for the most part. He had been contacting me on a daily basis prior to that which made me think he was quite keen - I got sick of waiting for him to make the move to be honest! He seems a nervous guy at times and admitted on the phone he wanted to suggest meeting again too. Like I said in previous post, he was asking me whether I would like to go away to the countryside for a few days over Easter; I expressed my interest. Can't say I'm impressed with his behaviour this week though! I wonder now whether he has cooled slightly as he's aware I am interested and have been a little too understanding about rearranging the date for this darn football! Oh well, tomorrow is make or break for me. If he doesn't call, he's cooked his goose!
2sunny Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 well, even if he calls now i think i'd be unavailable for Sunday. just let him know that you are a bit busy. he's showing you that he set you on the back burner and expects you to be okay with it all. if you are busy, it shows him that you consider this unacceptable. if he is interested - then he'll begin to make more effort, if he's not, then he'll disappear. if he disappears - that's ok, it just speeds up what he intended to do anyway. either way - you'll know what the deal is within a week.
BobSacamento Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I'll be totally honest...Sunday is still over 2 days away. You need to relax.
Trialbyfire Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Yes, back off. Make other plans for Sunday, even if it's plans to go shopping by yourself. You were kind enough to initiate contact, then rearrange your plans for the weekend, just so he could go to his football game. Enough is enough. Get busy and even better, find someone who's motivated enough to come after you.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Dating wise, I think you made the simple mistake of having him get back to you. You give him the simple choice of either to confirm a date or completely disappear on you. Normally it would make perfect sense for both parties to confirm date days ahead to accommodate to both needs, but his lack of communication shows ahigh degree of disinterest on his part. Give him until Friday to get back to you and not waiting for him after that. You're already inconvenienced as is worrying about his next move.
pollywag Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Thanks Pollywag...am definitely not going to contact him now and will see if he rings tomorrow to sort plans as he said he would. When I prompted the next date last week, that was the first time I had done since we started dating in Feb. He has been chasing for the most part. He had been contacting me on a daily basis prior to that which made me think he was quite keen - I got sick of waiting for him to make the move to be honest! He seems a nervous guy at times and admitted on the phone he wanted to suggest meeting again too. Like I said in previous post, he was asking me whether I would like to go away to the countryside for a few days over Easter; I expressed my interest. Can't say I'm impressed with his behaviour this week though! I wonder now whether he has cooled slightly as he's aware I am interested and have been a little too understanding about rearranging the date for this darn football! Oh well, tomorrow is make or break for me. If he doesn't call, he's cooked his goose! You're welcome Jane and yes that is a good gameplan, sit back and let him show you he is just as invested as you are. Ball's in his court now. I honestly don't think that there is anything wrong with rearranging the date for his football, most men would feel like they are in heaven knowing that they are with a woman that can be so understanding and willing to meet his needs so freely. That's not a problem I see. The only problem I see here is that you are doing all the planning, PLUS the rearranging. You are doing the work. Let him work for it a bit, it will balance you out and you won't be left with so many questions.
westrock Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 A few observations...see bold parts below Our date was planned for this weekend coming - ideally spending the weekend together. At the start of the week he called to say that he had forgotten that he had tickets to a football game (I know this was true). He said that he would try to get rid of them but then I responded by saying that I didn't mind if he went and that we could meet Sunday instead. He agreed...quelle surprise! (secretly think he wanted to go football). You know that the football plans are legitimate and to his credit he offered to try and get rid of the tickets. Knowing this, you said you didn't mind that he went and that Sunday would work, but it seems from your post that secretly you are not happy. That's not fair to him since you left him with the impression that you're okay with the revised plans. He said he will call me tomorrow to sort plans for Sunday. He said he would call you tomorrow, but you are now upset that he hasn't called you prior to when he said he would. Give him a chance to live up to his word by waiting to see if he calls you when he said he would. When I prompted the next date last week, that was the first time I had done since we started dating in Feb. He has been chasing for the most part. He had been contacting me on a daily basis prior to that which made me think he was quite keen By your own description, it seems that he has been doing a lot of work so far in the relationship. Oh well, tomorrow is make or break for me. If he doesn't call, he's cooked his goose!That's too bad you are willing to dump a guy over this.
EllieBean Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 If he really didn't want to go to the football and was going to get rid of the tickets, he wouldn't have called you, he would have just done it. He called and said "Oh I'll get rid of the tickets" because he wanted you to say "No, just go to the game", which you did! That doesn't mean he doesn't like you, just that he wanted to go to the football but didn't want to alienate you by just telling you he was going and cancelling your date, which is a positive thing I think. Men are funny about football so don't take it personally... my ex once refused to go on holiday with me because he had a season ticket! I don't think it's a big thing if he hasn't texted for a couple of days, because as far as he's concerned you've rearranged your date for Sunday and he's told you he'll call you tomorrow to make plans. The test is whether he actually calls to make plans as he promised! To me, calling on Friday to make plans for Sunday seems perfectly fine, especially since you've already agreed to meet up on Sunday. I really think you're probably worrying about nothing - I dated a football fanatic once so I know how it can sometimes take over their lives, but it doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Wait and see if he calls to make plans, see him on Sunday, and tell him you thought about his suggestion for a couple of days away at Easter and you're up for it if he still wants to do it.
marlena Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 He seems a nervous guy at times Why is he nervous? How much do you know about this guy? If you met him on a dating site, I'd be very,very weary. He could be hiding a lot of things from you. People get nervous when they are hiding things.
Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 He said he would call you tomorrow, but you are now upset that he hasn't called you prior to when he said he would. Give him a chance to live up to his word by waiting to see if he calls you when he said he would. Maybe I misinterpreted what she meant and you could be right but I took that as meaning he would call her the following day from their last contact. It's now been a couple of days since. If I'm right, he's not following through with his commitments. You could be right though and if that's the case and she's upset that he hasn't called previous to the day he said he would, then I agree she should wait until then, to see if he does follow through.
D-Lish Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I just re-read your initial post. You mentioned that you felt a bit of a cooling off- that he went from contacting every day, to slowing down some. I always think it's smart to listen to your instincts. Usually, when you have an incling that something is off- you should at least listen to your gut. Anytime I have felt that something "isn't right"... It have been right. He could be busy, he may be genuinely interested and just wanting to take things slow- but normally when someone goes from daily contact to sporadic contact, something has changed. I'd wait and see if he does call and arrange the Sunday date. If he doesn't, you'll have your answer about where his priorities lie.
marlena Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Anytime I have felt that something "isn't right"... It have been right. Yes, so true. It's amazing how intuitive women are about these things. We should all learn to listen to that little nagging feeling inside of us. It's almost always trying to tell us something.
Author JaneS Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 I agree EllieBean....I think he called me Monday to plant the seed about the football hoping that I would turn around and say 'go'! I will just wait and see if he calls later to arrange for Sunday; so far he has always called when he said he would and we have gone before without texting for a couple of days (much to my frustration!) I met him last August on a group adventure holiday where we got on really well as friends. I had no inkling (and neither did he about my feelings - I fancied him) that he thought I was 'cute'. Kept in touch sporadically by text. Out of the blue, he texted on Valentine's Day to say that it was a shame that I was too far away for a date and that I had 'remained in his head'. We met for dates after that - stayed at each other's houses, I've met his friends and a family member. The nervous thing...hmm, that is concerning me a little. He was nervous on the first date (fair enough) but then made his move. Seemed the same on the next couple of dates too (despite the fact that we have been intimate). I think that maybe he seems a little unsure of me - I could be making excuses for him! I have sabotaged relationships in the past for being too cool but am working on that! That's why I decided last week to prompt the next date; he had kept in touch regularly but it was almost as though he was waiting for signals from me. So, today is Friday and I will await his call. I'm not very good at this dating lark! I guess I'm too impatient and want everything to go swimmingly. Think I need to try and chill out...easier said than done!
marlena Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 met him last August on a group adventure holiday where we got on really well as friends. I had no inkling (and neither did he about my feelings - I fancied him) that he thought I was 'cute'. Kept in touch sporadically by text. Out of the blue, he texted on Valentine's Day to say that it was a shame that I was too far away for a date and that I had 'remained in his head'. We met for dates after that - stayed at each other's houses, I've met his friends and a family member. Sounds good. Try to reign in your panicky thoughts. Just be a little more patient and see if he calls and take it from there.
Recommended Posts