tefloncoated Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I've been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years now. He's 31 and I'm 24. We have been in talks of getting married in the next couple of years, and even of getting a place together sometime this year. Even though the living together part was his idea and many marriage conversations were brought up by him, I get the feeling more and more that he's not so much into the whole marriage/living together thing as I am. Ugh. I'm so afraid I'm going to get my heart broken. This is where my problem is: I can't tell if it's just me being overeager, or if it's really red flags I'm seeing. These are the different things he has told me in regard to marriage: - He tells me that he doesn't see marriage as holding anything of value to him, and that it's no big deal to him. - He also tells me that getting married is such a big deal that he's "not ready" because it holds so much sentiment and he needs to make it a nice surprise, and that yes, he really does want to be married to me, and not just married to anyone. - He's said he sees himself proposing by the end of the year, because he's "emotionally ready". - He's said that he has no money for a ring this year, and not to expect anything any time soon. - He wouldn't want to spend more than $500 on a ring. (I've been told that that makes him a cheapskate, but a small ring wouldn't bother me at all!) - Right after he said that he had no money for a ring, he got some work done on his car that totaled over a thousand bucks, and he also bought a very expensive new computer game. All of these things he has told me within the last 2 months, as marriage hadn't been brought up before then. I get the feeling that I'm being jerked around. It seems like he's trying to tell me two different things. Either he wants to eventually marry me, or he doesn't. I make it a point to not bring it up too much. I don't want to be the naggy girlfriend, and it's not the idea of a wedding that I'm in love with- I want a marriage with him, but ultimately I just want to know what exactly it is that he wants, but I'm so confused because he tells me 2 different things, and often it is he who brings them up when he says them. Are these just things he says to placate me? To me, if a guy wants to propose, then he'll just do it. He won't go round in circles, right?
BobSacamento Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 $500?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? OMG this guy is a cheapskate or utterly clueless. Dump this flip flopping loser.
SeekingOpinions Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 If you are both seriously talking about marriage maybe you should try some pre-marital counseling? Or try talking about it with mutual friend or family who know you well, and you both trust. What is more important than what he said is why he is saying it. No one can just read the quotes you listed and give you sound relationship advise. Someone needs to know a lot more about the dynamics of your relationship to help you with this.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 $500?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? OMG this guy is a cheapskate or utterly clueless. Dump this flip flopping loser. That guy is 31 and only wants to spend $500? Most women that I know would expect a ring costing at least $7-10k. What kind of ring could be purchased for $500? I don't think it would have a diamond on it, or if it did, the diamond would be really small and yellow or have lots of imperfections.
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