snoopy girl Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 this is been going on for yrs. my husband of 25yrs. work with this girl for 8yrs. they had something going on flirting or more. i couldn't take the lies anymore so i made him quite his job or i would leave, he hated his boss anyways and thought he was going to get fired soon. so he quite. he told me he would stop talking to her but she calls to talk to him through other peoples phone and he talk to her, said that he didnt know who it was that wanted to talk to him, because he was talking to a ex-coworker and they said someone wants to talk to you... then it was her...so he said that was not my fault i didn't know and then it happens again and again. she never calls him but only talks to him through other peoples phone... e-mail are the same way cc. copy through other friends. i guess i need to know if there is more than friendship, i thought that going to a new place to work all that crap would stop. but its as if he never left the old job...still her! and the other women he talks to from there call and e-mail the right way not the way she does. should i call her or e-mail her and tell her to stop. he doesn't work there no more and let it go.....
Mr. Lucky Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 because he was talking to a ex-coworker and they said someone wants to talk to you... then it was her...so he said that was not my fault You didn't fall for this, did you? Because if he wanted to go NC with her, it would be very simple for him to hang up the moment the first syllable leaves her mouth, friend's phone or not. Same with her emails. You're being fed a line of BS. Any anger you feel for this girl should be directed at your H - he's the one prolonging the relationship... Mr. Lucky
Author snoopy girl Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 mr. lucky, your right! my husband has been telling me everytime that he talks with her, he won't do it again. after some time, when things settle down, they will talk again and he will tell me the same bs. i could just ring his neck. its his fault for letting this happen and its her fault to keep talking to him, she doesn't know that i don't want him to talk to her..... or she may know. so, its his place to tell her? i don't want to call her, i am not that kind of person, she maybe a very nice person that doesn't know to stop. and is hurting our marriage. how can i tell my husband to tell her to stop? what should i say? any help please.
flash582 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 hummm .... I'd ask him to either stop or find somewhere else to live, because what he's doing is disrespecting you and your marriage. And If he wanted it to stop .... it would stop ... period. No man or woman will continue to call when you tell them to sod off every time they call. It's one thing to have friends of the opposite sex .... this is not a friendship. This is an emotional affair. It's no different than if he were sleeping with her.
Author snoopy girl Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 ego? she makes him feel good, i know, i am a woman and know that us ladies are nice to men and i think her niceness has gone to far and i am sure he treats her special as well. when he left his last job, she cried on his shoulder! now i have worked close to men for a long time and when some of them left i did not see myself hugging and crying on there shoulder. so see i think it was more then just friends as co-workers. i feel so confused because i don't know if he had sex or not, sometimes i wished i did find out that they had sex, so i could do something, in this case i am lost. i feel as if he had or is having sex with her, but in his mind is just as bad, i don't know anyone that left there husband for what my has done, i can't control him, he is smart and clever, can talk his way out of anything and now i just can't stop thinking about it. i don't want to go on meds to make this go away, he would love that. as always it my fault not his and i am getting wise to that. its only in the last 2 yrs. that i have stood up for myself and is putting a stop to it but what i do does not work. i guess i have let him do anything he wanted because he would tell me that i did not trust him. he never trusted me. i am proud to say i am a good wife. would never do that to him. ever. but now i feel like i want to start a new something with somebody other then my husband, then i feel bad for thinking that way.
samspade Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 He is completely disrespecting you. You have made your wishes clear and he is still allowing contact. It's inappropriate, especially now that they don't even work together. And by the way, him telling you about it every time doesn't mean he is being truly honest. A lot of people put things out in the open when they are cheating, to make it seem less criminal. I had a fling with a girl who cheated on her boyfriend. She would invite me over and tell her bf "samspade's coming over tonight" while he was at work, so it seemed legit. Of course, he was permissive of this when in fact he should have said "no f'ing way, not while I'm not there." Tell him to cut her off or it's goodnight, nurse.
Author snoopy girl Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 samspade, thank you, i never thought of that. in the past he would take me to places where i thought he ejoyed being, like the lake but this time it was at a lake far from home and later, months later, winter time. i find out that she and her family had a home there. so see, he needed to be there. and i was upset to find out he took me there... many times and he went without me with his friends, i thought it was far to go when we only had 10 miles to get to the lake here, that we always went to, this other lake was an hour drive. after i found out in the winter that she and her family lived there, i wanted to go back in the summer but he would not take me. i do feel like if he tells me he talked to her, that i cant get mad at him because he is telling me the truth but when he told me he would stop and does not it make my mad. he tells me that he has nothing to hide or he would not tell me. he needs to talk to her for a reason and it maybe what i am scared of.
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