dd28 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I don't even know where to begin. I met my husband five years ago at a nite club. I knew he was something special the moment I laid eyes on him. I was single for a year after my former bf left me to be with my best friend. Long story short, after that night my ex never crossed my mind again. My husband is a sensative man although he hates when I say that. He is considerate of my needs almost to a fault, courtesy of his upbringing. I can honestly say with out reservation that I don't have to ask for anything. Even though I was never their for him nearly as much as he was for me. He loved me and he showed it every chance he got. Last year I found my self in a six month affair. There no rhyme or reason as to why I did this. My husband recognized the signs from the beginning and did everything he could to fight for us. I fought him for it, causing many arguements. I stopped it just before the christmas holiday. I wrote a letter to my om telling him i wanted to fix things with my husband and then we could start back, but I never sent it. I thought I was in the clear to start over and make up for what I did. Well it turns out I wasn't as slick about my dealings as I thought. I'm not sure how but my husband figured out who om was, name and all. Found out what name I used in my cell and everything. We went shopping and my om was there with his wife. We played it off like nothing, until my husband brought it to my attention that my "friend" was there and i should introduce him. I couldn't speak and he ended up inviting him over for dinner. That's when everything fell apart. They show up and we have dinner. I think we may get out of this and out of nowhere my husband ask how does he know where we live when he never gave an address or directions. There is no point going on about how my life fell apart that night. My husband was(is) heartbroken. He left for a couple of weeks with little communication and came back, but the damage has already been done. He found the letter, which makes it worse, the text, the emails, the phone records. I was waiting for the name calling, and the I hate you's but they never came. I've begged and pleaded for forgiveness. He won't look at me, he tells me that I smell like the om, the house stinks, He won't eat anything I cook, He won't let me take care of him the way a wife should. I overheard him crying and when I went to console him he lashed out and promised he would shed another tear for me again. He hates himself for still having to love. We went to counseling but he wouldn't say anything, just sat there. He has distanced himself from my family who loves him as much as I do. they know what happened and he is embarrassed. I've been going to counseling alone. I had a recent break though and I wanted to share it with him. His response, "I'm glad you've figured out why you hate me so much. you have successfully emascualted me so you're free to leave whenever your ready." I'm lost beyond words. My husband is hurting and feels like less of a man, when it me who is the lesser person. I can't do anything to help. When I argue with him about how hurt I am at what I did, I realize too late that he was the one who suffered. How do I fix this. I regret it so much, because now i'm fighting for my marriage alone, when he's tried so hard to fight, and I let him fail. this has taken a toll on his job, his sleeping (if he sleeps), his eating. I think he might give up on us and I can't let him go. Please any advice on how to show him that i'm willing suffer through this with him.
pkn06002 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 You need to go over to the infidelity forum and post there.
troubadour Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Just leave him alone... realistically nothing can be done. It is over... just a matter of time before divorce process starts. At least you had a good time with OM.
quankanne Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 keep going to counseling, both together and apart – that's the key to figuring out why you made certain decisions, and why he's responded to them the way he has. I won't tell you what a bad decision you've made, because only YOU can discover and decide that, but know that I am pulling for you. It will take him a long time to move past the guilt, but give him what time he needs to process through that. be honest with him, be open (as in turning over your cell phone if he suspects you're still in touch with your former lover) ... do what is morally right in demonstrating that you are focused on the marriage. and at some point, when he is ready to openly communicate with you again, ask him to forgive you. There's no guarantee of a certain answer, but by asking for forgiveness you help the other person see that they are also responsible for making/keep the relationship successful/afloat/alive. And they are forced to decide whether they want to keep inflicting misery on themselves or if they want to be at peace. good luck, kiddo – this is not an easy thing to have to contemplate, but I think in your case, it sounds like you've had a lot of self-discovery that's helped you get through the hardest first part of the situation. XXX quank
2sure Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Be prepared. Your H will probably end up confronting OM and telling OM's wife all. Most BS eventually do - especially men.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Please any advice on how to show him that i'm willing suffer through this with him. Troll! What is the point of this post? Just to tell the world your an awful person? If this whole story is true... then everyone in your life that matters already knows. What advice am I supposed to give you? Just leave. If all this crap is true and you really love this poor schmuck... then leave. Move to another country... let him find someone capable of loving him. You have lost that ability.
Davey McG Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You "found yourself" in an affair? Would you forgive him if he had found himself in another woman? Let him go. You can't suffer through this with him. You made your bed and now you've got to lie in it.
Shehe Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 For what you have explained you had a very good husband and a nice marriage. Somewhere somehow you "found yourself" in an affair? I am sorry but it sounds a bit "unnatural" to put it that way. It is not like it was against your will !!.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 I'd give up on MC for now and just concentrate on IC for yourself - and for him if he'll go. Things are probably out of your hands at this point so you'll just have to let it play out. He may forgive and he may not. Are you still living together? Mr. Lucky
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