wishlist Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 About 7 months ago I started seeing a really nice guy whom I had met a at a class we did together. The relationship became very intense very quickly, and at about the 3 month mark, I found myself asking him to slow the pace as Istarted to feel quite smothered. Both of us had been single for quite a few years and are in our 40's. My requests to slow down the relationship seemed to fall on deaf ears and the pressure began to further mount, with a need to see me & contact me more. Declarations of love and need started within a month of the relationship and the slow dating period fell away to a full blown relationship with future plans and wanting to meet my family & friends, plans for moving in, renovations , buying a property together etc etc. My asking for the relationship to slow down only brought panic and more desperation -with texts and calls , everytime I wanted to chat he had such great fears that the relationship would end , though this was never my intention at the start. His constant need to discuss the relationship started right from day one - the fun and sponteneity of dating soon left. He started having days when he would make long calls at work in a new job or 1st thing in the morning after we had just seen each other , he would become quite flat and stressed at work , and needed comfort . sometimes he would develop illnesses like rashes , sinus , arm pains ,headaches , I am not sure if they were even real as he would never get treated - was this just for my attention? I ended the relationship 4 months later as I developed insomnia and started having panic attacks and anxiety, and could not concentrate on him or the relationship. Within a month the relationship resumed with his promise that it would be a very slow at my pace, so that I could build up trust and regain my health. All went well until I left on a trip with friends for a few days, and the boundaries I had set in place were all broken .The needy calls, texts started again , his flat mood and fatigue came back and he stated taking control of when we would see one another, and plans with my family ?! I suggested he seek help or that we seek counselling together. He can’t recognise that he has emotional issues that need to be dealt with and tells me that I keep running away. I ended the relationship as I felt it was not healthy and could not continue. I am very sad :(and realise I can do nothing to help him, he doesn't recognise he is behaving so controlling and thinks he treats me like a Queen. He is so kind and emotional and when we are together we have such a good time, but when I am not with him he turns into another person. Why is he acting this way? Has anyone ever experienced anything like this ? any advice would be appreciated I get confused as to whether we can start real slow as friends , but think it just won't work ....
Author wishlist Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 not sure. this is the firts time I have used these threads
carhill Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Similar thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t184008/ OP, it's possible he has an attachment disorder. Your description of his approach to relationships sounds, superficially, unhealthy. I can say that LS causes me to over-analyze relationship dynamics a fair amount, but I tend to do that in my own head rather than with my wife or others. Such wasn't always the case, but MC helped distill the noise down into a more calm and balanced approach. Since you're broke up, not your issue any more, but perhaps therapy could do him some good if he was open to changing some of his behaviors. Since he apparently isn't open to change, I guess it's time to move on to someone more compatible. Sorry.
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