gd26 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Hello. I was wondering what the proper etiquette is when declining 'expressed interest' on online dating sites? I have men expressing interest in my profile, but most of the time I don't feel a connection. If someone sends me an interest (without an email), I often just ignore the request. I feel bad doing this, but don't know what else to do. If someone expresses interest in my profile with a personal message/email, then I will write back (as it seems rude not to). I often feel extremely guilty, as sometimes these guys write really nice messages. Often it's just that I feel no physical attraction to the person, or he is too old for me, or there is some other compatibility issue. So in response, I will just write a friendly email back saying something to the extent of: "Thanks so much for expressing interest in my profile. You seem like a really nice person, and I'm really flattered. However, I looked at your profile and I think we may have some incompatibilities. Good luck with your partner search!" I've never had anyone respond back to my message of regret (not that I would expect them to anyways). So I'm wondering... would men prefer that I didn't respond to their expressed interest emails at all? I don't ignore those because I feel bad to leave someone hanging... but it is better to do so? How can I minimize damage to someone's ego? I'm just really confused about all this.
redant Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 That response is thoughtful, although it's not necessary. They will move on to the next if you don't respond. Do you want a respose if you contact someone and they are not interested? For me I'd rather not get a response.
yeex Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 From a males point of view, I would say a response is not necessary if you are not interested. I am used to that when I have used dating sites. I do not care if they do not respond. I just move on. Most don't respond, so you get used to it and take it as they are not interested. In fact I don't think I have ever gotten a response like you send out. Also sometimes we send like 5 emails at the same time to different women and don't even noticed that somebody did not respond. We are just looking for the interested ones to respond back. It is just a numbers game. For every non response I get, is one more closer to getting that response. Now getting the perfect date and eventually falling in love is another story:laugh:
D-Lish Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 There's no need to send a rejection note. People will know you're not interested when you don't return their mail. When you're getting 15-20 messages a day- it doesn't make sense to waste time writing a response to everyone. I just read and delete.
MN randomguy Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Don't send a rejection note. Don't call him a "nice person" its just emasculating. Guys only expect a 10% or so response rate.
boxing123 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Trust me guys do not care. Women online area a dime a dozen, and he can contact about 30 in an hour. You aren't damaging any egos lol.. As soon as he sees the next profile with a nice rack, or nice bottom about 3 seconds later, you are forgotten.
Author gd26 Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 Wow, I am really surprised to read all this. I guess I come from a different perspective myself... as I have only expressed interest in 2 guys online over the last year (my profile is open to anyone in the U.S., not just my area). I don't express interest in someone unless I really, REALLY connect with that person's profile.... thus in my case, when I send a message to someone I am really excited to talk to that person, and would be quite disappointed not to hear back from them. I think I was coming from that framework. I don't bother to respond to generic messages, but if it is clear that someone took a lot of time to write specifically to me, that feels very different. Especially if someone takes the time to write me an email mentioning specifics from my profile that he shares in common with me, it sounds so unkind not to even respond to that person. I really appreciate the responses here, though it's something I struggle to come to terms with.
D-Lish Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Well, it's the way online dating is. It is actually true that guys will send out a crapload of messages to a bunch of different girls at once. It's a fishing net approach- throw the net out as far as you can and hope you drag back a few fish.
BobSacamento Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Don't send a response. We aren't THAT dumb. We'll get the hint. The only thing a response will get you is a chance for psychos to yell at you.
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