squirtle Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 hey guys. I'm posting this in hopes of getting some opinions on my situation. I've been with my BF for a year, living together for 8 months. Things haven't been that great for the past while. I caught him talking to at LEAST 4 other girls online ( and when i say talking i mean provocatively, im not a jealous freak! ) i kicked him out over it once but after 3 days i got really lonely and took him back. we fight once and awhile and about a month ago he grabbed me by the hair and put me against the wall. I asked him why and he told me it was better he did that cause it stopped him from doing something "worse" . I feel like such an idiot staying with him but i can't leave. He is my first love (even though i am 20) and im scared to be alone. When we get along, its great! we do things together and enjoy eachothers company. but when its bad, its pretty bad and gets me depressed. None of my friends like him and my mom keeps telling me to leave. It's almost as if they are seeing something that I am not. I'm so confused. I want to leave him, but I'm scared I will regret my decision when no one else wants me. It's not that I'm ugly or anything, guys approach me often but most of the time i feel they are just after on thing, while on the other hand i connect with him physically and emotionally. it's such a catch 22 and i need to make up my mind by the end of the month cause our lease is up then and he is planning on us moving to another town. any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. thanks guys.
bkaz01 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 the physical abuse may get worse leave....when a girl is an abusive relationship she sometimes feels like she notgood enough for anyone but some wlse out there will make u happy so go find that guy that will treat u like a princess...maybe u can help me in my situation..read my latest thread
gavinus Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 You need to leave now! Do not make excuses for your BF behavior. The abuse will get worse. You can't change him or help him, you can only do the right thing for you which is to leave. As for being alone don't be scared of it. Its when we are alone that we find out who were are. Don't stay because you are scared to be alone. Staying says to your BF you can treat me like crap and I will take it. have some self respect and leave
Author squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 wow, your responses made me cry. i know it sounds lame but its the same thing my moms been telling me over and over and i never listen. she doesnt like him and i always just figured that was why she didnt want me with him. its just that where i am now i dont know a lot of people and when hes gone to work ( like he is now) i get really lonely and cant wait for him to be home. its pathetic. i know i need to be strong .. but when i read all the the posts of other ppl wanting their exes back and missing them etc. it scares me.
Author squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 btw my mom says that once i leave him i will probably feel relieved, like a weight off my shoulders .. that i can go be with my friends and start living like a normal 20 yr old. what are your thoughts on this??
gavinus Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 yeah, you have heaps of dating to do yet. Your mom is wise, listen to her and leave. If someone loves you they treat you well. If you don't stick up for yourself who will? My advice is clear your stuff out when you BF is out with the help of your mom and leave a note and go! If he is abusive I would not tell him you were leaving. Or you could arrange for a few family friends to come over and help shift you out while he was there to keep you safe. You are only 20, enjoy being 20, time goes by too fast for putting up with crap like that One more thing, post again to let us know the good news that you moved out
Author squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 WOW gavinus. u hit that on the nail..thats exacly what ppl are telling me to do. my mom actually wants me to move home for a bit and call him from there to break the news. at first i thought that was a horrible thing to do cause i wouldnt want that done to me. she doesnt think i should trust him..im not sure i dont think he would do anything probably just get really upset. i just feel really guilty cause all the while it was ME pushing for us to move to another town together. he will be really let down when i tell him IM NOT GOING. im just scared that im listening to all the other people in my life and not making up my own mind but it helps when even ppl on this site can support what my friends. family are telling me.
Author squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 its kinda ironic too cause when my parents broke up (i was 16) my mom and i left without telling my father. we packed up our stuff when he went to work one morning, she left a note and we stayed with my uncle cause my mom didnt trust how he would react. sometimes i feel that the saying "girls look for a man that reminds them of their father" holds true in my case :S which isnt good cause my father and i have NEVER got along, just started talking a few months ago. im trying to take this all as a learning experience but damn its a hard one!
gavinus Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Well the only thing left to do is do it! Don't think about it anymore, just go to your moms and don't worry about the guilt. The guilt will cause you to stay....and then nothing will change. Believe in yourself and go! I am sure you will change your life for the better
Author squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 i am bookmarking this thread.. i always get the courage to leave and then lose it when im with him but if i can just look at this once and awhile it gives me the positive vibe to do it. cant do anything til the end of the month but im praying that i will keep upbeat. i might be on this site more often than not !! lol
D-Lish Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Things haven't been that great for the past while. I caught him talking to at LEAST 4 other girls online ( and when i say talking i mean provocatively, im not a jealous freak! ) about a month ago he grabbed me by the hair and put me against the wall. I asked him why and he told me it was better he did that cause it stopped him from doing something "worse" . when its bad, its pretty bad and gets me depressed. None of my friends like him and my mom keeps telling me to leave. It's almost as if they are seeing something that I am not. I highlighted this sentence because your own words above that passage indicate that you see exactly what your friends and family see. Choose your self worth over the misery staying with this guy will bring.
Author squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 it seems the relationship goes in spells like we'll be great for a month or 2 than wham!something bad happens. its been good the past while which always makes me reconsider the whole relationship. i DO see what my friends and family are telling me but I feel that he's all I have and I don't want to be alone. Sometimes I wish we had only met as friends because he is a great person to live with but not so great for a BF... When i think of leaving i picture him getting another girlfriend and me being all alone and I dont want to get into the whole on again- off again deal either. it just feels like a let down sometimes cause when I imagined falling in love with someone i never anticipated all of this heart ache/lies... so i wonder ..am i really in love with him or am i holding on to something that isnt there??
Author squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 thank you so much healeth. that is what i have been praying for lately as well. its been a rough patch thats for sure but i know it will get better
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 No man or no woman should put there hands on another person, especially one that is in a relationship. I say get him out as fast as you can and move forward with your life. I understand that you love him, but what if the pulling of the hair pushing you against the wall gets worse?
Author squirtle Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 it definitely doesn't make you NOT feel anything because no pill can totally cure depression. For me, it just takes the edge off of things. little things dont set me off as much.
openbook08 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 btw my mom says that once i leave him i will probably feel relieved, like a weight off my shoulders .. that i can go be with my friends and start living like a normal 20 yr old. what are your thoughts on this?? my thoughts are : your mom is absolutely right (they usually are the divils!!) and you are missing out on so much happiness right now by staying with this streak of misery. yes my sweet breaking up is hard and its sad but for you the alternative would appear to be a lot worse. be strong.
Trialbyfire Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 squirtle, do you notice how the bad behaviour escalates? This is normal for abusers. They start off sweet to hook their victims, then it gets progressively worse, usually starting with verbal abuse/denigration, slowly eroding on your self-esteem. Then it gets worse, with good periods spotted by violent periods to the point where you'll do anything, to ensure for peace due to fear. Also, isolation of the victim ensures the abuser has full control. You depend on them for everything. Plse, get out of this relationship. I sincerely hope you already have. If not, DO IT NOW!
Recommended Posts