gemini2099 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I am 33 year old women who recently left a 13 year controlling marriage. I have one child. I met a guy in December and totally hit it off and have been together since. He is 34 and has three kids, two of them are by his ex who he split from more almost a year ago. He recently got his own apartment as he was sharing an apartment with her brother. Since that time we have been pretty much living together. However she can't leave him alone, first she wouldn't let him see his kids because I was there. She always tells him that he is picking me over his kids. He has a car but it is in her name, which they agreed he could have, however she will threaten to take it away when she doesn't get her way. She calls him numerous time a day. She will call him saying she has cancer when she hasn't even gotten tested. She will call and ask for her to check on her because she isn't feeling well. She has come over and tried to have sex with him. Which he kicked her out and is no longer allowed to come inside when she picks the kids up. Which he has only been able to see twice since Feb. She calls his brother when he won't answer the phone. She call all his friends telling them that he is picking the white bitch over his family. Their anniversary just passed and she flipped out and said he should honor his marriage vows and be with her and they should be a family. Then his birthday was this past week and she wanted to bring him his favorite cake, and he told her no but what would make her think this is ok. He has someone to take care of him now she is no longer in that role. She called all day and got pissed and left him message about him not even picking up the phone so she could say happy birthday.. She has told him that she knows when I leave the house and what I look like. So I know she is stalking me. Now I am getting restricted phone calls with someone that just sits there. He doesn't think it is her because he said she would say something. He has told her it is over but she doens't get it. She then goes to his job today and leave a four page letter about how she is going to just leave him alone. Which she says every couple of weeks and then she starts calling again. He says he hates her cuz she won't let him see his kid. He is an amazing father. He says the only reason why he puts up with it is because he wants to see his kids and doesn't want to take her to court cuz he is afraid he will lose. However to me he what is he losing cause he can't see them anyway. This is the only thing in our relationship we can't agree on. He said I should be understanding and that if my ex was holding my child from me what would I do. But to me if he doesn't put his foot down this will never end any may end up hurting our relationship. I am sick to my stomach, I want to be supportive of his feeling however I feel like he isn't seeing how this affects me. She wants him back how do I cope?
flash582 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 He needs two things. A good therapist and a GREAT divorce attorney. This can be fixed in short order.
bean1 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 You left in December, 2008? It's been 4 months. Why are you practically living with him and why is your child being exposed to all this crap? I understand that you enjoy your freedom after leaving a controlling marriage but where is the stability?
Author gemini2099 Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 I left him back in September and met him in December.
Island Girl Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Ever heard of Betty Broderick? He needs to be documenting her behavior. He needs to save phone messages, etc. (Even if nothing comes of the crazy threatening desperate behavior, it will definitely assist him in his divorce proceedings.) You need to be keeping a list of when these calls happen so if necessary you can quickly show cause to subpoena phone records. Not to alarm you but it is best to be prepared. Yes he does need to put his foot down but the best way he can and should do that is legally. Right now an attorney can petition for division of time with the children and how the hand offs will be handled as mandated by the court. It will also outline appropriate contact and appropriate behavior in front of the children as well (depending upon how good his attorney is and how much documentation he can get before this petition is finalized).
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