northstar1 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Do you ever think there is a point where, if you are broken up, and not in contact, that just too much time passes where you could never really reconnect/get back together? I was thinking about that, I mean I don't really hold onto any hope I'll ever reconnect with my ex, but I wonder, because it has been so long, and we've had NC for months, is there a point where you've both changed so much that you are no longer the same people anymore who fell in love? In my case, going NC was a necessity, both to break the attachment on both our sides, as well as for me to heal after months of pain. It's helped me refocus my life. And I know breaking it normally ends in disaster. But are there people who really break up (on good terms, or because of circumstances), who after a year or two or whatever, end up reconnecting and giving it another go, or is this just something in a John Cusack movie? I'm just curious
Jay34 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 i think its never too long no, it depends on the circumstances, there are cases where people get back together after 20 years, a lot of the times its when circumstances broke people up, not necessarily fighting or anything, but say you were a teenager and families moved or parents disapproved, i have heard a lot of those people getting back together, the context of the relationship might have to be different though, i think you really do have to move on to have a second chance, you can't be all broken, but if you were attracted once to the person, you can always be again. they had a whole study on it let me see if i can find it.
BCCA Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Well, anything is possible. Probable? No, not really. Think of it this way, in all the time that has passed, has your ex ever called and said she made a mistake? When was the last time she even tried to call at all? Point being, most people end a relationship and never look back. Or if they do, its after theyve just been dumped or are going through a lonely patch in life. Its almost never out of regret. You would be much better off not expecting to hear from her again. Sorry my man, but we both know thats the much more likely outcome, unfortunately.
Author northstar1 Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 Well, anything is possible. Probable? No, not really. Think of it this way, in all the time that has passed, has your ex ever called and said she made a mistake? When was the last time she even tried to call at all? Point being, most people end a relationship and never look back. Or if they do, its after theyve just been dumped or are going through a lonely patch in life. Its almost never out of regret. You would be much better off not expecting to hear from her again. Sorry my man, but we both know thats the much more likely outcome, unfortunately. You are right, and I realize that the likelihood we'll chat again is not great and I will not break NC, that is a given , but I mean rather, all things being equal, after such a long break, is it even possible to reconnect with someone?
BCCA Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 You are right, and I realize that the likelihood we'll chat again is not great and I will not break NC, that is a given , but I mean rather, all things being equal, after such a long break, is it even possible to reconnect with someone? It is always possible, and that is part of the problem. Unless someone dies, they're always out there somewhere. Hope is a killer, though. Also, keep in mind that shes not going to be too keen on breaking NC, when she's probably going to feel guilty and hear how badly she hurt you.
gutted1 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I think the best thing you can do is accept from the get go that they are gone and not coming back and you'll never talk again, if anything happens to the contrary cross the bridge when you get to it. My ex ditched me and completly crushed me i still think about her everyday but i accepted from the start she was gone for good, its been 7 months now for me and although i'm haunted by memories i'm getting on with my life and making friends i know that it'll all be ok in the end.
badbrit Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Well, anything is possible. Think of it this way, in all the time that has passed, has your ex ever called and said she made a mistake? When was the last time she even tried to call at all? In reverse, you could ask her the same question and she would give the same answer as he would give. Ever heard of a Mexican Standoff?
mmk1 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Take what I'm going to say with a grain of salt and appreciate that it is person specific to my ex. I've broken up and gotten back together with my ex several times and its was always me reinitiating contact. Once after we got back together, she admitted she loved me chasing her to come back (and she did). This, ultimately, is unhealthy for both of us but we cant resist each other, no matter how much we argue. Otherwise, I believe, Northstar, that if you made it very clear how you felt, expressed your desire to reconcile and yet you've heard nothing from your ex, that is more than likely over. If you have not made it clear, I would call once and let the chips fall where they may. I would not keep calling after that.
Author northstar1 Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 In reverse, you could ask her the same question and she would give the same answer as he would give. Ever heard of a Mexican Standoff? Well, ours was a bit more complicated in that it ended because it became an extremely far LDR that was not possible to maintain. We've kept NC for most of it because we both had to heal and move on with our lives. Mexican standoff perhaps (that's funny), and I really am not thinking of breaking NC, because I've come so far in healing, that openig up those wounds again is not something I want to try out. I was more asking, in a hypothetical sense, that if both people at one point in the future, ended back up in the same place, without those barriers, can you even ressurect things, when so much time would have passed. Would both have just changed so much in that period that you really no longer have anything to ressurrect. I am not holding onto hope with this at all, just curious about do these things ever happen in real life, or only in a John Cusack movie.
Jay34 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 http://lostlovers.com/ i heard a radio show from the author awhile ago, i jut found the site, its pretty interesting
MainlineFlower Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 my husband and i were together for 4 years and divorced. a year later we remarried. now it's 8 years later and he's talking divorce again...anythng can happen...
paperchase Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I think people can hook up again for sex and fun after many years apart especially if the break up wasn't too heavy. I don't know about a serious long term relationship though. Time does change people and most times when you look back on an old relationship it doens't look as perfect as it did when you were in the throws of love. When breaking up people always say you never know what the future may hold and stuff like that but I think it's just lip service. You don't leave it to fate when you're with the person you really want. Now if space is the only thing that kept you two apart then maybe the future could hold some second chance but I believe that love overcomes all so even space isn't a good excuse to end a relationship. I remember I used to drive 350 miles roundtrip 4-5 days a week to see this one girlfriend. One of my favorite time quotes paraphrased is: "You cannot kill time without injuring eternity."
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