HurtandLost Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I have been reading the forums and understand that NC is the best solution in my situation. The problem I've been having is I am giving myself a sense of false hope she might come back and realize her mistake. I know deep down inside, she have moved away and moved on with her life, but I get the strong urges she will come back. It makes it hard on the NC, but I have made it for 3 weeks so far and don't plan to break anytime soon. Should I just let go of the false hope and accept what it is, because I feel like if I do it will set me back for a while?
chrissreef Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I'm in the same boat with you - it still hurts. i woke up yesterday with a sick feeling "wow, i don't think she's coming back" I got two fortune cookies last week... "it's better to shine than reflect" and "a journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step" Get busy, involved and start talking to other girls. by talking to other girls i've realized "wow, there are other girls out there, and some of them are pretty dang hot/nice!"... my ex will be hard to beat tho, smart, hot, lots of similar interests... but i'm trying NOT to compare and realize everyone has fantastic DIFFERENT attributes and that's what I'm trying to focus on. I'm also trying to re-image myself. New haircut, glasses, working out, new clothes and a new hobby =)
Meaplus3 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Yes! Do let go of false hope hanging onto to it will get you NO where. You've done a great job of sticking to NC for three weeks. The early days of NC are very tough.. so just stick with it and you will see it does get much better. Hang in there. Mea:)
playlislay Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Stick with it dude! I know how hard it can be, and I myself have broken NC to only make things MUCH worse!!! I had semi-closure but never felt as if we had 'the talk' as such, well, we did but it wasnt about solving our problems or talking them through, it was him just telling me that it was over.........yes, I sound selfish and stupid but I thought we could get through anything and that a good long discussion would help. But he upped and left, and never looked back!! I too held onto false hope but after many sleepless nights and multiple outbreaks of tears I soon learned that the best way to beat it was to improve on myself. You have to see it as if you are getting one up on them. Improve your figure, date others, prove to them and yourself that you are fine without them in your life. I have and I feel great! I couldnt be happier. I still love him and would like to try again as we had something special but 1) Im not ready to be with him just yet 2) He probably isnt coming back anyway lol! 3) I dont want to hold onto the tinniest thread that he will come back as you only set yourself up for more hurt and heart ache. I am happy with who I am, what I have and can achieve and if he comes back then so be it, but for now I am happy being just me. ) Chin up and get out there!!
chrissreef Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 100% agree with Playlislay! "yes, I sound selfish and stupid but I thought we could get through anything and that a good long discussion would help. " yea, I want to have a talk too... but I know it won't be what I want. In my head it's a 30 minute talk and we work things out... in her head it's a 30 second convo of "there is no more us, i don't want to tlak about it" "You have to see it as if you are getting one up on them." Totally! I'm proving to myself that I can be better than I was in our relationship. "if" we meet, maybe she'll see what she's missing and come back. If not, heck... at least I'm working out and looking sexier and doing new things rather than sit at home =)
gutted1 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 All you've got to do is accept that she is gone and not coming back and that you wont speak again. IF anything happens to the contrary cross that bridge when you get to it. Focus on yourself, make new friends, enjoy your life.
MainlineFlower Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 good job on the nc. i could never make it more than a day or 2. you're making progress, don't give it up now!!
imu2 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 surely false hopes if you think she'll come back from realizing its her mistake.
EmperorR Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 False Hope kills and eats away, "she/he will come back, I know them inside out" "I wonder if he/she is thinking about me" "checks out second chances forum, googles second charges"
roomster Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Im a sucker for false hope. Whats worse is that i know it IS false hope yet still in the back of my mind i think maybe he will come back, maybe he will realise what he has lost. The only thing I can stay is start living for YOU rather than the false hope. Stick with no contact and stick with it because you want to get over it rather in the hope that she will come back. If you are like me (which you probably arent because i think i am extreme), I used to always be thinking shall i do this because maybe that will make him come back. Just always make decisions based on YOU, if you start thinking about doing something to get her back just think if she wants to come back she will and no little thing you do will change it. That old saying "if you love something set it free and if it comes back it was meant to be".
Author HurtandLost Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 I appreciate all the responses and do kind of like the idea of one upping her, to spite her for not caring enough about me feelings. I am going to workout, go out, party, meet girls; but keep myself and feelings as number one. I really don't want to ever hear from her again because i think she has to be take fakest b**** ever in this world. I am hoping this feeling of being down will rub off soon and allow me to clear my clouds of the future. thanks
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