tami-chan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 "Originally Posted by Dexter Morgan Not coming to his aid. i saw a posts by someone that was turning around on the husband. I know, you came back and said thats not what you were doing....but reading it, thats exactly what it looked like." 1) when I responded I had not seen that it was settled...and in any case, can put my 2 cents in anywayOhhhhh...ok...you did not see that! Two-cents, acknowledged and credited! and 2) Show me where I brought up the mailman again. I said I saw posts from someone that was turning it around on the husband...was talking about the other posts.Aiyoh!<sigh>!!!!! The "AGAIN" is referring to: First post was by Chrome that he and I already settled. Second mention was by you (even though it was already settled----> this was THE AGAIN, I was referring to...not that YOU talked about it twice, but that it was already a done deal the first time..but you brought back...wahhhhhhhh porque hey-sus, porque??????? Tami, i have read enough of your posts to know that you defend WS's left and right. I can post a few examples if you really want me to. I do not think I am capable of defending anybody...but I know what you mean. My nature, what can I say? when I think somebody is being bullied, I go to that side. I have yet to find a BS that is being slammed-and why would a BS be slammed? he/she is in already in enough pain, right? I think if one cheats, he/she must be ready for the consequences--most are painful consequences. I also believe that if one cheats, you have no right to demand that BS "get over it". The BS sets the tone and pace of healing...as the wrongdoer..you sit and wait...unless you do not want the marriage enough or do not love the person enough-in the end everybody is STILL free to bail out-including the cheater!!! When I read about a cheater whining about how life is so hard after D-day, I say...then leave! otherwise, if you have decided you want everything back, then you endure-pay for your errors, so to speak. Same thing with the BS..if it is so hard to stay and forgive...leave! I do not understand the angst about these things. Do we have to be on the same page all the time? What a boring discussion board if we are all on one side! Why would you post what I posted? What would be the point? I know what I posted...
tami-chan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Ok, guys, quit playing with the asian girl! Because it's clear that she wants me! J/K:p LOL! you read my mind...what can I say? I am BUSTED!!
tami-chan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 She said she's petite, and by the looks on your Avatar, Your light saber is huge :bunny: oh dear...Athena!!!!!...:o:o!!!! hahaha:lmao::lmao:!!!!
LivinginaFog Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Do you want to stay with your husband? If so then this is your responsibility. I know, I was a WS - and am about 2 months ahead of you re: me tellng my husband. The affair was all my fault. Yes, I was unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage, but I did the acts, I made the choice and it is I who must own it. I have devoted all that I do to now try to save my marriage - I have never thought he had any fault in this, that he should get over it or that he should understand - he shouldn't. if you want your husband than tell all and be humble. We both have a long way to go
bentnotbroken Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Do you want to stay with your husband? If so then this is your responsibility. I know, I was a WS - and am about 2 months ahead of you re: me tellng my husband. The affair was all my fault. Yes, I was unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage, but I did the acts, I made the choice and it is I who must own it. I have devoted all that I do to now try to save my marriage - I have never thought he had any fault in this, that he should get over it or that he should understand - he shouldn't. if you want your husband than tell all and be humble. We both have a long way to go You have no idea.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I do not think I am capable of defending anybody...but I know what you mean. My nature, what can I say? when I think somebody is being bullied, I go to that side. I have yet to find a BS that is being slammed-and why would a BS be slammed? Don't know, you tell me. By rallying to a WS's side and trying to put the BS in a bad light...I'd call that BS slamming. he/she is in already in enough pain, right? exactly, but don't let that stop you from trying hard to ferret this particular BS of the OP to be a liar. I think if one cheats, he/she must be ready for the consequences--most are painful consequences. I also believe that if one cheats, you have no right to demand that BS "get over it". The BS sets the tone and pace of healing...as the wrongdoer..you sit and wait...unless you do not want the marriage enough or do not love the person enough-in the end everybody is STILL free to bail out-including the cheater!!! I understand. and I know you said you don't blame the H for "lying" about a 2nd chance. But why you felt so compelled to make sure we all knew his is a "liar" with exclamation points and everything...I don't know. It was as if you wanted to let people know, "hey, he lied, he isn't innocent in all of this". When I read about a cheater whining about how life is so hard after D-day, I say...then leave! Whining?? well I guess we know now how you really think. otherwise, if you have decided you want everything back, then you endure-pay for your errors, so to speak. Same thing with the BS..if it is so hard to stay and forgive...leave! I do not understand the angst about these things. I completely agree. But i will never see a BS as whining. I sympathize with them. I may take someone who wants to stay with their cheater because they are afraid, confused, in desperation...whatever...I may say they are being foolish. But I won't dismiss their feelings as whining.
Tired03 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 But...wait a minute. Are you saying that a double standard exists for the cheater and the BS? Two wrongs NEVER make a right. Don't care who you are. I too, was appalled that he would lie about giving her a second chance if she came clean, and then using that against her. Perhaps I read it other than you did, but what the heck did he EXPECT to find in her email account given that she was in an affair. He never intended to give her a second chance, IMO. I also think, that while I'm not BS bashing, saying that a BS can do no wrong after discovery is also treading a very dangerous line. That justification is what gets people killed. I do think that the OP needs to reap what she has sown, and her unwillingness to come clean has hurt her, she's scared, and she will have to face this. Hopefully she'll get some IC and address the issues that she has that have led up to all of this. I do think that the husband of the OP should proceed with the divorce, and get counseling for himself so that he can proactively take care of any issues in the future related to trust and dishonesty (i.e. that this does not impact future relationships)
Dexter Morgan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 But...wait a minute. Are you saying that a double standard exists for the cheater and the BS? Two wrongs NEVER make a right. Don't care who you are. I too, was appalled that he would lie about giving her a second chance if she came clean, and then using that against her. Perhaps I read it other than you did, but what the heck did he EXPECT to find in her email account given that she was in an affair. He never intended to give her a second chance, IMO. Even if that is true, so what? If he lied about a 2nd chance to get the answers she wasn't giving him...then too bad. and it seems as the only reason she wanted a 2nd chance was simply so as not to dissapoint the kids, not because she really wanted her husband. "I did say never say never but I have kids and wasn't going to disappoint them by leaving their dad." Ok, no mention about wanting her husband, only that she felt she loved her MM. So a 2nd chance was only to keep up appearances and for the kids. She wasn't wanting to stay with her H for the right reasons. I also think, that while I'm not BS bashing, saying that a BS can do no wrong after discovery is also treading a very dangerous line. That justification is what gets people killed. I'd say whatever reaction a BS has after discovery nobody can say what is right or wrong, unless it is in the form of physical abuse. Her H's actions were totally understandable. He could have dropped her the very day, week that he found out she screwed another man. But he didn't. He needed answers that she was not going to give him. If he lied to get to the bottom of things, so be it. Good for him. Again, trying to turn this around on him as if he is some sort of d!ck. he was betrayed, his actions and response are completely justified and understandable. I do think that the OP needs to reap what she has sown, and her unwillingness to come clean has hurt her No, her helping herself to another man...and a MM at that, is what hurt her. Not only that, she is upset with the MM's wife for ratting her out. She has no business being angry at the MM's wife. She wanted to get away with it and the MM's wife ruined her plan. I do think that the husband of the OP should proceed with the divorce, and get counseling for himself so that he can proactively take care of any issues in the future related to trust and dishonesty (i.e. that this does not impact future relationships) I wasn't aware he had any issues of trust that impacted his H where his wife cheated in the first place:confused: She didn't say he didn't trust her BEFORE she cheated.
lkjh Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I feel for your children but you got what was coming to you. Don't give us any of your bs, we do not believe for one second that you were not planing on this. You invited the guy into your house for drinks after your kids were asleep. This was not a friend, it was someone you were exchanging emails, feelings, and some physical acts. You planned on cheating and did it. Now you are just worried about yourself AGAIN.
lkjh Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 On top of that you lied when confronted. You had a chance to be honest but you showed how much you really cared about your H.
samprez Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Dexter: What I find interesting in your post is that you don't allow for any understanding of the WS position. Having done wrong myself, I can tell you that I'm no less human with all of the emotions that come with that. I was upset, defensive, scared, humiliated, desparate, sad, angry..should I continue? In IC I've been learning to cope and manage my guilt and anger. Despite the black and white position that many take on cheating being a choice, I submit that it's a series of small choices that lead to a bigger mistake. And let me tell you this, I will debate you all day on that. I did not wake up one day and say, "today seems like a good day to get involved with a MW." I found myself in deeper than I thought pretty quickly and was dealing with an overwhelming wave of emotions that I was NOT equipped to manage. And once you go underground with your a partner, the damage is done. How do you really go to your spouse with this? There is a big difference in my mind between saying in hindsight how one should manage themselves and actually living it. We are all faced with choices each day that can determine how things are perceived and managed. I refuse to automatically label even a WS as a bad or negative person because they've found themselves in a bad situation. We are not robots. We have feelings and emotions that impact how we filter the world we see. I made choices that lead to a big mistake, like Confused did. She also said that her marriage wasn't great and that they had been to MC. I am a believer that while the act of cheating is wrong and destructive that both married partners contribute to the tone of the relationship. They are not mutually exclusive issues. If her husband was a drunk as a result of their poor marriage, he'd be no less responsible then she was for having an affair. But they are contributing factors. My IC has been hard on me, not pulling punches or softgloving me. But when I read these definitive posts out here that chastize a down trodden person further than they already are, then I become concerned about the issues that posters are bringing to the table. Confused made a huge series of bad judgement decisions that have seemingly cost her everything. She has a right to be scared, frightened, angry etc. But don't tell me that if the BS says that he wants to work something out all the while he's digging to divorce that it's ok, it isn't. My wife had full control once I got caught and I had to put my trust in her. She wanted us to work it out so I was able to commit fully. What did this H do? He said one thing and did the other. Lots of trust existed in this marriage huh? Go on, take me on on this issue because it isn't black and white, it's very grey. This entire site exists because of people dealing with EMOTIONS. If we didn't have them to worry about, why post?
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Dexter: What I find interesting in your post is that you don't allow for any understanding of the WS position. Having done wrong myself, I can tell you that I'm no less human with all of the emotions that come with that. I was upset, defensive, scared, humiliated, desparate, sad, angry..should I continue? In IC I've been learning to cope and manage my guilt and anger. Despite the black and white position that many take on cheating being a choice, I submit that it's a series of small choices that lead to a bigger mistake. And let me tell you this, I will debate you all day on that. I did not wake up one day and say, "today seems like a good day to get involved with a MW." I found myself in deeper than I thought pretty quickly and was dealing with an overwhelming wave of emotions that I was NOT equipped to manage. And once you go underground with your a partner, the damage is done. How do you really go to your spouse with this? There is a big difference in my mind between saying in hindsight how one should manage themselves and actually living it. We are all faced with choices each day that can determine how things are perceived and managed. I refuse to automatically label even a WS as a bad or negative person because they've found themselves in a bad situation. We are not robots. We have feelings and emotions that impact how we filter the world we see. I made choices that lead to a big mistake, like Confused did. She also said that her marriage wasn't great and that they had been to MC. I am a believer that while the act of cheating is wrong and destructive that both married partners contribute to the tone of the relationship. They are not mutually exclusive issues. If her husband was a drunk as a result of their poor marriage, he'd be no less responsible then she was for having an affair. But they are contributing factors. My IC has been hard on me, not pulling punches or softgloving me. But when I read these definitive posts out here that chastize a down trodden person further than they already are, then I become concerned about the issues that posters are bringing to the table. Confused made a huge series of bad judgement decisions that have seemingly cost her everything. She has a right to be scared, frightened, angry etc. But don't tell me that if the BS says that he wants to work something out all the while he's digging to divorce that it's ok, it isn't. My wife had full control once I got caught and I had to put my trust in her. She wanted us to work it out so I was able to commit fully. What did this H do? He said one thing and did the other. Lots of trust existed in this marriage huh? Go on, take me on on this issue because it isn't black and white, it's very grey. This entire site exists because of people dealing with EMOTIONS. If we didn't have them to worry about, why post? ...If you and other people can stop embracing all negative traits that Wayward spouses exhibit than we could listen to your side, because if cheating is wrong then why do you do it? and if you know it's destructive, narcissistic, and just plain dangerous why willingly go down a path of misery hurting everyone with your actions. Is only your happiness more imperative than others? If your a WS why wouldnt you attempt to fix that and not be that anymore. and you wonder why BS's are irate mad,angry and not willing to listen to you. Because you choose to do bad things, to get what you want. ...Hmmm but I could be wrong.
Tired03 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Can't get rid of the stupid quote box, sorry Even if that is true, so what? If he lied about a 2nd chance to get the answers she wasn't giving him...then too bad. Mmm, I guess I disagree. So a 2nd chance was only to keep up appearances and for the kids. She wasn't wanting to stay with her H for the right reasons. She's in the fog - that could come back, but here again, we only have what one person wrote Quote: I also think, that while I'm not BS bashing, saying that a BS can do no wrong after discovery is also treading a very dangerous line. That justification is what gets people killed. If he lied to get to the bottom of things, so be it. Good for him. Again, trying to turn this around on him as if he is some sort of d!ck. he was betrayed, his actions and response are completely justified and understandable. I do not believe that two wrongs make a right. I'm not saying he's a d!ck, I'm saying that he is in the wrong for lying, that's all. I make no pronouncements as to how people are based on one action. Quote: I do think that the OP needs to reap what she has sown, and her unwillingness to come clean has hurt her No, her helping herself to another man...and a MM at that, is what hurt her. Ah, you misunderstood me here - of course I do not condone her original action, but her unwillingness to come clean has further complicated the issue and hurt her - that's what I was trying to get at. Not only that, she is upset with the MM's wife for ratting her out. She has no business being angry at the MM's wife. She wanted to get away with it and the MM's wife ruined her plan. I agree with you on this point, but that was in her original few posts where she was panicking - I think she understands more now (in later posts) Quote: I do think that the husband of the OP should proceed with the divorce, and get counseling for himself so that he can proactively take care of any issues in the future related to trust and dishonesty (i.e. that this does not impact future relationships) I wasn't aware he had any issues of trust that impacted his H where his wife cheated in the first place:confused: No! I wasn't talking about it being remotely "his fault" - I'm saying, I hope he can get help for FUTURE relationships because undoubtedly this situation will affect him! I was expressing my hope for him down the road
Dexter Morgan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Dexter: What I find interesting in your post is that you don't allow for any understanding of the WS position. Having done wrong myself, I can tell you that I'm no less human with all of the emotions that come with that. I was upset, defensive, scared, humiliated, desparate, sad, angry..should I continue? Never said a WS isn't human. But there is NO excuse for cheating. And in this post, the BS is trying to be made look like some sort of unfeeling robot that lied just so he could get the truth. There is a big difference in my mind between saying in hindsight how one should manage themselves and actually living it. We are all faced with choices each day that can determine how things are perceived and managed. I refuse to automatically label even a WS as a bad or negative person because they've found themselves in a bad situation. A WS didn't FIND themself in a bad situation...they made it. thats like saying, "it just happened" ...hence you had no control over it. We are not robots. We have feelings and emotions that impact how we filter the world we see. I made choices that lead to a big mistake, like Confused did. It wasn't a mistake. You cheated because you wanted to. Call it bad choices, whatever, but it wasn't a mistake. She also said that her marriage wasn't great and that they had been to MC. Ya so? I never got all my needs met in my marriage, but you didn't see me going out and sticking my d!ck in other women. I am a believer that while the act of cheating is wrong and destructive that both married partners contribute to the tone of the relationship. I agree....but one brand new, and serious problem, is present....one of you is now a cheater. (unless the other has cheated as well) They are not mutually exclusive issues. If her husband was a drunk as a result of their poor marriage, he'd be no less responsible then she was for having an affair. But they are contributing factors. I don't disagree. I guess I could have used that excuse and gotten a little on the side when I was married. Dammit!...I missed the chance! My IC has been hard on me, not pulling punches or softgloving me. But when I read these definitive posts out here that chastize a down trodden person further than they already are, then I become concerned about the issues that posters are bringing to the table. the problem is that the "down-trodden" person in this post lied, didn't want the truth to come out....planned on keeping her H in the dark, was silly in her thinking about being mad at the MM's wife ratting her out to her husband.....doesn't want to leave her husband because of the kids..........yet all of a sudden, he is this huge LIAR because he wanted to get to the truth. She is upset that she didn't get away with it and is upset with the MM's wife...as if anyone would blame this guy's wife. Confused made a huge series of bad judgement decisions that have seemingly cost her everything. She has a right to be scared, frightened, angry angry? angry at who and why? [qute]But don't tell me that if the BS says that he wants to work something out all the while he's digging to divorce that it's ok, it isn't. It is ok if its clear the WS wants to keep the marriage for the wrong reasons....if the WS still continues to lie to them. My wife had full control once I got caught and I had to put my trust in her. She wanted us to work it out so I was able to commit fully. What did this H do? He said one thing and did the other. Lots of trust existed in this marriage huh? In case you didn't follow, he had reason to not trust her. She wanted to keep him in the dark and thank goodness the MM's wife told him what he deserved to know. Your argument might be valid if she was a completely open book, didn't see everything as HER losing and being mad at anyone but herself, and didn't say that the reason that doesn't want to leave the marriage is because she doesn't want to do that to the kids. Go on, take me on on this issue because it isn't black and white, it's very grey. Your right, it isn't black and white. just as I stated, she didn't want to get caught. and after her MM's wife caught him, OP was upset with said wife for ratting her out. So you are right, not black and white at all...something very different and off in her thought process on how this is affecting HER. I didn't see a thing about her wanting to keep the marriage because she loves her husband.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I wasn't aware he had any issues of trust that impacted his H where his wife cheated in the first place:confused: No! I wasn't talking about it being remotely "his fault" - I'm saying, I hope he can get help for FUTURE relationships because undoubtedly this situation will affect him! I was expressing my hope for him down the road Why does he need help? My experience was help enough for me in my relationships after and the one I'm in now. There is an understanding. My current SO asks questions about what happened, and I told her. My SO understands that if there is any cheating, its over and that I won't tolerate it. She feels the same way. My experience has helped me to realize never to feel in despair, confused, wallow in self pity, or put any effort into a relationship after cheating has occurred. As far as trust...I trust my SO just fine. Nobody should, however, blindly trust. My SO and I understand that there are certain things both of us feel are inappropriate behaviors for committed couples...like partying and coming home at 4am. She trusts me to go out and have a beer with buds after work on a Friday provided i don't waltz in at the wee hours of the morning, and I trust her to do the same. OP's husband may just be the same. Just because I was married to a tramp doesn't mean I believe other women are the same way. On the contrary, I realize that MOST women are not like my X. And if they are....well I'll just remove myself from the dating scene.
Tired03 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Why does he need help? My experience was help enough for me in my relationships after and the one I'm in now. There is an understanding. My current SO asks questions about what happened, and I told her. I'm glad you have a wonderful relationship now and were able to let your experience be enough help. That is not the case for all people. I dated a guy who had been cheated on before - actually I was engaged to him after awhile, but then broke it off because even though it was several years later, he had not gotten over it. He was over *her* but insisted that I was cheating almost constantly and at the drop of a hat. I don't know why all the negativity surrounding "getting help" - perhaps you are reading too much into my tone of voice. I think that getting help is a good idea no matter what trauma one goes through, and that it cannot hurt to talk to someone to help get through things. That's all.
samprez Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Thanks for the thoughtful responses. Let's see if we can agree to somethning first. People stay married for about a million reasons; not all of them about love and Princess and the such. People like their lifestyles, the cars they drive the houses they have. They like their friends, they like their vacations and their second homes or that fact that they can join healthclubs or spas. The country club or golf clubs. People may like the money a spouse makes or the access they have to things. Others might think the person is a good father or mother, but most certainly, people don't always stay together for love. In my case, I made a series of bad decisons that lead me down a very bad path. People use the description out here of being in a fog. It's a pure addiction my friends, with all of the ups and downs that go with being stuck on something. My bad decisions lead to a major mistake and once I was underwater I'll admit that only getting caught was going to help me. I want to IC BEFORE it ended because I was spiralling out of control and I felt myself losing my grip. There are actual physical things that happen to us, endorphins fire and we are acting in a euphoria that causes us to make bad decisions. That was my point. Never took one too many drinks? Know what it's like when you're raising that shot glass knowing it will tip you over? And you do it anyway? That's what this is like for many of us. Were the conditions right? Yes. A willing participant? Yes, but bad decision making can lead to a mistake. Funny thing is my IC said that those of us who think we are most likely to NOT have this happen are equally at risk. Conditions in life can cause us to behave in interesting ways. I think Confused is likely angry at the following people. MM, MM's wife, her husand and the big one, HERSELF. She is going through the stages that are normal for this. We need to understand that. I am so mad at ME right now for what has happened, I can't even describe to you how I feel. So I get the stages. Her husband had an agenda from the beginning. He could have said to her, I don't believe you, your words are worthless so I'm doing my own digging. Until then, I have nothing to say. He didn't. So at some level all I'm saying is the level of trust in that home was low. I know I was looking to my wife for guidance and approval. Sat in MC and said nothing until I was prompted to by the therapist so my wife could express herself. I didn't pushback on anything until the 6th session. I got it. Let's support Confused and see where she is going on this journey. It's a process folks.
lostsoulmate Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 No, but seriously, I don't want him anymore. I have Finally understood what it means when you shouldn't love someone who doesn't treat you well (spouse)... I will say it again. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!
Darth Vader Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 LOL! you read my mind...what can I say? I am BUSTED!! What can I say? When you got it, you got it!
tami-chan Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Don't know, you tell me. By rallying to a WS's side and trying to put the BS in a bad light...I'd call that BS slamming. Ok. Like I said, we can differ in the semantics/opinions. It's allowed, right? exactly, but don't let that stop you from trying hard to ferret this particular BS of the OP to be a liar. Nope, I won't. A lie is a lie is a lie....black and white, as they say. I understand. and I know you said you don't blame the H for "lying" about a 2nd chance. But why you felt so compelled to make sure we all knew his is a "liar" with exclamation points and everything...I don't know. It was as if you wanted to let people know, "hey, he lied, he isn't innocent in all of this". Because some people choose to only take from the posts things that would bolster their prejudice. It goes to show how unfair really some of us are when we driven by our very own agenda. I am not saying YOU, Dexter--this is just a general statement. Whining?? well I guess we know now how you really think. Yes, whining. Very annoying. If one cheats and caught...oh well, there ARE consequences. I completely agree. But i will never see a BS as whining. I sympathize with them. I may take someone who wants to stay with their cheater because they are afraid, confused, in desperation...whatever...I may say they are being foolish. But I won't dismiss their feelings as whining. I don't think I used "whining" to describe the BS's feelings, still you are right, "whining" is dismissive (be it the WS's or BS's feelings). However, after some time of pain and suffering, one has to stop at some point and take stock of one's life....find your path, your joy...
tami-chan Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 ...If you and other people can stop embracing all negative traits that Wayward spouses exhibit than we could listen to your side, Interesting statement. There is no point in dialogue then, huh? Why even come to a DISCUSSION board...lol... This is easy, if you do not care to listen to anybody whose opinions differ from you, then you should put them on ignore. Saves you the aggravation of having to defend yourself, no? 'Just saying.
tami-chan Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Never said a WS isn't human. But there is NO excuse for cheating. And in this post, the BS is trying to be made look like some sort of unfeeling robot that lied just so he could get the truth. Yes, in a perfect world there is no excuse for cheating. But as evident by the many cases here on LS ALONE, many have found excuses, rationalization and justification for cheating...AND many BSs own up to being "partly" at fault! Amazing!, isn't it?.. And Dexter, I do not think anybody is trying to make the H an "unfeeling robot". You are assigning too much emotion on these. Ya so? I never got all my needs met in my marriage, but you didn't see me going out and sticking my d!ck in other women. Not everyone is like you, Dexter(but you know that already ). Goodness, I wish all men were/are faithful. the problem is that the "down-trodden" person in this post lied, didn't want the truth to come out....planned on keeping her H in the dark, was silly in her thinking about being mad at the MM's wife ratting her out to her husband.....doesn't want to leave her husband because of the kids..........yet all of a sudden, he is this huge LIAR because he wanted to get to the truth. She is upset that she didn't get away with it and is upset with the MM's wife...as if anyone would blame this guy's wife. Well, he DID lie. Whether it is HUGE or not...depends on people's personal take on it....
tami-chan Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Why does he need help? My experience was help enough for me in my relationships after and the one I'm in now. There is an understanding. My current SO asks questions about what happened, and I told her. Well, I would say he MIGHT need help. After all, he and his wife did go to MC more than once and seemingly without anything getting resolved. But, you are right, perhaps after this, he would've learned everything he needed to learn, who knows? My SO understands that if there is any cheating, its over and that I won't tolerate it. She feels the same way. My experience has helped me to realize never to feel in despair, confused, wallow in self pity, or put any effort into a relationship after cheating has occurred. I hope this is not the same SO, who is with you because her days with "bad boys" are over? Oh please, tell me you left that woman. I swear if you didnt I would be so crushed...I mean it, Dexter Morgan!
stampdaddy Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Geez 'O Pete..... How much of this back and forth can we go? I mean, probably 14 or more pages of "off topic" back and forth b*ll**** that has NOTHING to do with the actual case in hand... It is fun to follow, honestly it is, but F**K, start a thread on your own, go to the Water Cooler, but what you guys do, CONSTANTLY, is scare the OP away from having a safe place to come to with THEIR problems (right or wrong), but it IS their problems we are here to help, NOT YOURS!
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