AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 OK folks, it's been a while since I've had any new issues with the boyfriend. I have the PMS so I thought I'd throw it out there to you all and get a gauge as to whether or not I'm overreacting. Been working in the yard for 3 days straight. BF says he wants to help. Fine. He calls yesterday and says he got sick over night (sore throat and a cough). Comes over to drop something off to me and acts like he's super contagious. No hugs no kisses. I say "so you're going to go home and rest up for your trip"? He's going on a work trip. He says "well I'm still going to the show tonight with my brother". He had plans to go see a band with his bro. Now's where I get the feeling that it's shady city. Going out of town for a week today. So sick with the plague that he can't stay with me on account of how sick he is yet he's well enough to still go out with his brother. Here's the deal. I don't want to control his social calender. I couldn't care less about him going out. I already knew he had plans. What I don't like is BS. It gives the impression that he thinks I'm stupid. What do you think?
neveragain2493 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 When I'm sick, yard work doesn't sound like too good of an idea. I'll stay in bed. But the band coming to play? Hmm... I might be able to feel a little better for that. In a guy's mind, the band is a big thing, they might not be coming back for awhile, etc... He's not lying. It just sounds like laziness.
manugeorge Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Well between seeing a band and doing yardwork, I don't think there is any contest there. So cut the guy a break and let this one slide.
385 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Haha, I would be sick too if I knew I was doing yard work.
Author AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I agree with you guys 100%. My problem is more about the fact that he put on such theatrics just to get out of it. We've been together too long for this kind of nonsense. We should be passed BSing each other. It's an insult to my intelligence you know?
manugeorge Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I agree with you guys 100%. My problem is more about the fact that he put on such theatrics just to get out of it. We've been together too long for this kind of nonsense. We should be passed BSing each other. It's an insult to my intelligence you know? So from your observation, you don't think he's really sick? then call him out on it. Not "bitchingly" ofcourse because then it'll escalate into something else. Just a playful nudge that you are on to his BS.
Author AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I did. Not playfully and you're right it did escalate. He denied it of course and said that he felt like I did not want to get sick. BS. Anyway, he's leaving today for a week. Bad way to go but I'm hard headed and get pretty irritated when he's not straight up with me.
Star Gazer Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I think he knows how much limited energy he has to put out when he's getting or is sick, decided he'd rather expend that energy going to see the band with his brother than hang out with you. The band thing sounds like a little bit more of a "special occasion" type thing than the day-to-day "hanging with the GF."
Author AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 Stargazer - you're right and I've no problem with that. But say it. Don't use a cover story. That kind of fibbing is for youngsters.
Star Gazer Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Stargazer - you're right and I've no problem with that. But say it. Don't use a cover story. That kind of fibbing is for youngsters. Well, I'm not sure that I'd tell my BF that I'd rather spend my energy at a concert than with him, even if it's true. I might tell him that I need to conserve my energy for the concert though. Either way, I really think you ought to pick your battles here. This isn't something worth fighting about.
manugeorge Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I did. Not playfully and you're right it did escalate. He denied it of course and said that he felt like I did not want to get sick. BS. Anyway, he's leaving today for a week. Bad way to go but I'm hard headed and get pretty irritated when he's not straight up with me. Bake/buy him some cookies, give him a kiss goodbye and tell him you'll miss him. Sometimes, you just have lay down your dukes and take one for the team.
loveslife Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I'm not so sure why you're so focused on making him a bad guy in this. Is it really that big a deal? I assume that if you've been with him all this time that you trust him, think he's a decent guy, honorable, etc. If so, let it go. However, maybe there's something more here you haven't identified yet? Maybe he's distancing himself from you? If that's the case, getting angry with him is only going to push him further away. Guys really don't like being nagged. I'd first figure out why this is bothering you so much.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I would be a little peeved myself. He is the one that said he wanted to help right? Then he backs out of it and isn't being 100% honest. It is a little insulting to you. And I would feel the same way, that he thought I was stupid and just couldn't man up and be honest. Takes more of a man to be honest then to lie.
Author AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I'm not so sure why you're so focused on making him a bad guy in this. Is it really that big a deal? I assume that if you've been with him all this time that you trust him, think he's a decent guy, honorable, etc. If so, let it go. However, maybe there's something more here you haven't identified yet? Maybe he's distancing himself from you? If that's the case, getting angry with him is only going to push him further away. Guys really don't like being nagged. I'd first figure out why this is bothering you so much. I think you're right. I think it's about more than the sick card. Although I would like to point out that I stand by my feelings on the subject. It's a punk move to get out of something with a lie. I don't respect BS. I respect honesty. Honesty still has the potential to piss me off but BS turns me off. Which is worse? He should have been up front. And if he's allowed to pull a cop-out like he did, then am I not entitled to feel however I feel? If that pushes him away, so be it. We do have a looming issue that has kind of tangled us up and we've been talking it out. I think this trip is coming at a good time. We need time apart. I told him that as well. Thanks for everyone's input. It does help.
loveslife Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Hi Alektra, I suspect he's already made a few decisions but hasn't talked them over with you yet. That would explain the lie and the distancing. Hope it works out.
sand26 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 You already assume he is lying? Lots of trust in this relationship huh? Doesn't sound good dear, you should think about being single for awhile, work on your independence and trust issues. good luck
Author AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 You already assume he is lying? Lots of trust in this relationship huh? Doesn't sound good dear, you should think about being single for awhile, work on your independence and trust issues. good luck I will ignore that your post is extremely condescending. People don't realize how they come across on the internet. Please tell me where you get the impression that I have issues with independence and trust. He did lie. In that he didn't tell the truth. That's not an assumption. The boy wasn't sick. Now, distancing himself from me? Quite possibly. A possibility I'm prepared to deal with.
sand26 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I will ignore that your post is extremely condescending. People don't realize how they come across on the internet. Please tell me where you get the impression that I have issues with independence and trust. He did lie. In that he didn't tell the truth. That's not an assumption. The boy wasn't sick. Now, distancing himself from me? Quite possibly. A possibility I'm prepared to deal with. Hey, sorry about the condescension, I am a bit of a jerk. I was under the impression that you jumped to the conclusion he was "faking it" and generally that means you do not trust your partner to tell you the truth. If my lady arrived at my house and was sick I guess I would appreciate the fact she cared about my health. If she wanted to go out that night I also would respect her independence and her right to choose what is best for her and her health. If it turns out you found out he was lying to you that sucks and there isn't much honesty in the relationship. That is why I said you should be alone for awhile, even if you don't have trust issues you are attracting people who are not honest in your life. Sometimes that means that a little bit of alone time can get you in a healthier more independent space where liars and cowards won't be so appealing to you. I wish you the best luck.
loveslife Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Hey, sorry about the condescension, I am a bit of a jerk. I was under the impression that you jumped to the conclusion he was "faking it" and generally that means you do not trust your partner to tell you the truth. If my lady arrived at my house and was sick I guess I would appreciate the fact she cared about my health. If she wanted to go out that night I also would respect her independence and her right to choose what is best for her and her health. If it turns out you found out he was lying to you that sucks and there isn't much honesty in the relationship. That is why I said you should be alone for awhile, even if you don't have trust issues you are attracting people who are not honest in your life. Sometimes that means that a little bit of alone time can get you in a healthier more independent space where liars and cowards won't be so appealing to you. I wish you the best luck. I think Sand meant well. I also think you're smart enough to know that the bottom line is he is distancing. At least that's how it sounds. If he has to come up with an excuse to not kiss you? I don't know.... But really you probably know already and all we could do is speculate.
Author AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I agree. He's got a few issues with being forthright. Nothing major, but we all know that little white lies erode trust in a relationship. Those little white lies, while not the same as something truly devious, still hurt none the less. Makes one wonder why someone would go to such lengths just to be away from you. He's upset. He was called out for his BS and now is playing the sad, hurt guy who's girlfriend is being mean. yawn.
loveslife Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 He's going away? How long will you guys be apart?
Author AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 Not long. Just a week. He travels a lot so this is small for us.
Author AlektraClementine Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I think Sand meant well. I also think you're smart enough to know that the bottom line is he is distancing. At least that's how it sounds. If he has to come up with an excuse to not kiss you? I don't know.... But really you probably know already and all we could do is speculate. The subject of more grown-up things has come up recently. Subjects that tend to scare the average man. The conversations have been sticky sometimes and sometimes very loving. I know he's in love. I just don't know if he's man enough to really play ball in the grown up leagues. Which is where I am. I'm okay if the subject matter has driven him to distance. It's a good way to know if your partner is right for you. So I'm not scared of telling him that I want a future. Either he wants it too or he doesn't. Either way, I'll live. But the dishonesty will never fly with me. Thanks for your input.
loveslife Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 The subject of more grown-up things has come up recently. Subjects that tend to scare the average man. The conversations have been sticky sometimes and sometimes very loving. I know he's in love. I just don't know if he's man enough to really play ball in the grown up leagues. Which is where I am. I'm okay if the subject matter has driven him to distance. It's a good way to know if your partner is right for you. So I'm not scared of telling him that I want a future. Either he wants it too or he doesn't. Either way, I'll live. But the dishonesty will never fly with me. Thanks for your input. It sounds like you've got your head on straight! Good for you for asking for what you need! And also good for you for being prepared to go after what you want and need even if it means moving on.
IrishCarBomb Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 He did lie. In that he didn't tell the truth. That's not an assumption. The boy wasn't sick. How do you know this?
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