Afterglowguy Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I posted on here about a hear ago just to vent about a situtation I was going thru and now I had to come back just to get it out.... it is kinda long and crazy but I will try and make it short.... It all started in Oct 07. An exgirlfriend that I hadnt seen in about 10 years finds me on myspace and so we start to hang out again. Just friends at first so no worries. Now the impression that I was left with this Girl from 10 years ago was that She was one of the nicest, sweetest genually good hearted girls that I had ever known... So of course I was stoked to reconnect with her after all this time and thought it must have been fate to have her come back in my life again. She was going thu a divorce at the time from a guy who she said was verbally and physically abusive so I felt for her even more so... In my mind she was an angel or at least that was the impression I was left with 10 years ago. So we start seeing each other and getting closer but knowing what I know now there were signs that maybe she wasnt all what I thought she was.... These signs first apeared Dec 07 when she would break plans to hang out, say would call and not and ect ect... Then Jan 08 is when she tells me she cant let her marrage go and wants her husband back... about the time I post on here and against the advice of people on here I pursue the relationship... Mid Jan 08 she tells me she was wrong and so we start to see each other again but still there are those signs that when you are in love with someone that you just ignore or think maybe your overeacting... The routine goes where I would see her on the weekend and everything would be great then again she would break plans, come up with strange crazy stories on why she couldnt meet or call me ect. ect.. I would see her maybe once a week then the next month not see her at all but still be in contact and she would assure me everything is ok. This is how it was til June 08 when it finally comes out she was seeing another guy at the same time but couldnt decide if she wanted me or him.... I should also mention I would give her money to pay bills and ect ect.( so was this other guy as I later find out) So July 08 comes around and she tells me that the other guy is not good to her daughter and she cant have that so she breaks it off with him and we get closer and start seeing more and more of each other.... We are together all the time during the summer and make it offcial in Sep 08. By this time I am dead drop head over heels in love with this girl and Honestly beleive I had found the love of my life soulmate... of course I'm still paying her bills and buying her things ect ect but at the time I thought it was ok because I loved her, She loved me and the world was beautiful.... I still remember expreincing a moment of what I can only call pure joy with her one September afternoon at Disneyland.... Everyday she would call and text me how she loved me and was so happy with me and I was all ok thats it.... Time to start the marrage plans... Everything was awesome until Nov 08. Thats when my world started to come apart.... things like she didnt want to take my last name, she wanted me to take her last name(which was her ex husbands) and other small things that just leave you with that scared uh-oh feeling that somethings not right.... So one night She and I were at a bar and she was checking her phone and I get a glimpse of some guys name in her text messages and so now I'm really trippin so later on when she went to sleep I checked her phone.... and thats when my life changed.... I still regret to this day looking in her phone but I had to know.... No details but I was beyond devastated.... ( I think I just caught her at the beginning stages of her making plans to meet a different guy, among other things) But even then I was of course a fool and forgave her we tried to save our relationship and then again in Dec 08 she gets drunk and passes out in my car and sure enough her phone goes off at 2am and I'm like oh no not again and sure enough its a different guy this time and I get mad, confront her, she plays excuse game blah blah blah By now you would think that I have had enough but nooo.... I dont know why, cant explain it but she would give me something that I desperately needed that no other woman has ever been able to make me feel.... So Jan 09 we see each other and its all good then feb 09 she grows distant again and I'm trippin again then Mar 09 we get closer again and things are actually good agian like the old days.... So this was the final straw last weekend.... we had been planning a night out for my BDay and so we go out downtown and everything is cool until I leave to go to the bathroom and when I comeback she is talking close with this bartender/server guy and when I come up the both stop talking and I'm like ok what did I just interrupt?? She tells me he was trying to make her a drink or something so Im like ok I want to have a goodnight so not gonna trip on it right now... Later on when we are being intimate.... fast version is - she wants to bring another guy into the mix, knows of someone she can have come over right now, and asks me if she can call him.... I freak out.... say some messed up **** to her and she leaves.... Now she says I scared her..., reminds her of her ex hsband type thing.... and wont talk to me at all now.... Sorry for this being so long but had to get it out.... I know I am a fool and have been for many times.... I hate myself for it turst me.... I dont know why but I have never loved any woman I have ever known more than her and I dont think I will ever love someone like that again.... I know I am pathetic and seriously I feel like Im ugly or a weirdo now.... and I wish I could change but I dont know how..... Oh well thankyou for letting me vent again....
gavinus Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 "Now she says I scared her..., reminds her of her ex hsband type thing" It sounds like she tried it on possibly before maybe with her ex husband?? Maybe that's why he got angry? Well, so what you are saying is......nothing has changed. She is still as messed up and crazy as before. You must escape and put yourself first! I don't know why these type of people cause so much pain to others and the thing is these type of people, don't change, all they do is destroy those around them that care for them...but they still don't change. Escape now, don't give yourself a hard time, and find a woman who loves you for being you with no strings attached. You have NOT got the problem!!!! She has!! I understand where you are coming from, it has taken me 8 weeks (and therapy) to realize my EX had the problem yet she let me take responsibility for it, hook, line and sinker. This relationship is unhealthy. As a couple you are meant to be stronger together than apart. See a therapist and escape while you can or you can ignore this advice and carry on as before......
gutted1 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Ok mate don't worry you aren't the first and sure wont be the last guy to get played by a messed up bitch like this. . . . I was and i'm sure many others will be thinking the same thing. You need to recognise 'red flags' and rather than sweeping them under the carpet you need to react on them, these 'red flags' such as your ex not seeing you for a month at a time are warning signs. . . . what you should do when stuff like this happens is look at the situation from an outside perspective and ask what you'd advise one of your friends in the same situation to do? when you found out she was playing you as well as another guy THIS IS WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE ENDED IT FOR GOOD!!! This demostrates this girl has no loyalty, no integrety, no respect, lies, and is basically a player. Anyway you did what i did and swept it all under the carpet and surprise surprise !!! you like me got burnt !!! and as if this wasn't bad enough things got a lot worse and messed you head up even more. What you need to realise is that this girl is messed up and damaged in some way, all she will ever do is damage and mess up anyone that gets involved with her, she should actually carry a health warning like my ex should. You seem like a nice guy. . . . trust me you don't need her or anyone like her in your life you deserve a hell of a lot better. . . she is destined for the gutter and anymore involvement with her and she'll drag you down too. Her in your life is seriously bad news, break all contact with her and focus on yourself and learn from whats happened. Treat others how you want to be treated, respect yourself and never accept anything other than respect in return, RECOGNISE 'RED FLAGS' AND REACT ON THEM!! peace
Author Afterglowguy Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 Yea there were definitely extreme highs and extreme lows in the relationship which I guess I fed off of.... but at the same time it was slowly driving me crazy. In all honesty I miss Her and still love Her if you can believe that.... One of the things I miss most is how we would call and update each other on our day... She would always have a story for me and yes half the time I knew it was probably made up or way over exaggerated but was still fun to listen to..... Now I just feel so alone
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