rebmalove Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Hey u guys, I havn't been here in a while and have a question. I have been going nc with my ex since the 1st and for the last 3 days he has been sending me text messages that says he misses me. The one he sent today was just outragious, he said "i see your face every where I go, i'm missin u". That to me is just bizarre. It's even more surprising because this is what he wanted, he wanted "a break" and I wasn't willing to wait around for him to decide whether or not he wanted to be with me, so I got my stuff from his house, gave him back his stuff and moved on. It hasn't been easy but I've noticed with every message he's sent me over the last few days I get angrier and angrier and I don't know why. Can you guys shed some light on why I feel so angry and why he's tellin me he misses me now, on a daily basis?? I don't know if I can handle him disrupting my life everyday, I'm pissed. Thanks
gavinus Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Need more details. How long you guys go out for? Rough age? When did u split? the 1st this month?
Author rebmalove Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 9 months, he's 25 i just turned 27, we broke up late jan. early feb.
gavinus Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 well, something has changed in his life to want you back, the question is what? And the more important question is...do you want him back?? As for your anger, I think its ok for you to be angry. He told u goodbye, u moved on, suffered pain for it and now he feels free to contact you when he wants something. What do you think?
Author rebmalove Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I'm not sure if I want him back. He hurt me so bad, I still cry... I don't know if it's a matter of him wanting something, and I don't know if he's even serious. Him texting me makes me confused and I don't like to be confused. I think he's stupid.
gavinus Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 well, text him back to say never contact me again and make that very clear, or go NC again, but he will probably still text for a bit, can u block his number?? If you don't wanna hear from him, make it so.
D-Lish Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 It could be ego- it could be he has realized he made a huge mistake. If it's a mistake he has come to terms with- make him work HARD for a reconciliation. Not because you wish to play games, but because you wish to make sure he is serious this time around.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Hey u guys, I havn't been here in a while and have a question. I have been going nc with my ex since the 1st and for the last 3 days he has been sending me text messages that says he misses me. The one he sent today was just outragious, he said "i see your face every where I go, i'm missin u". That to me is just bizarre. It's even more surprising because this is what he wanted, he wanted "a break" and I wasn't willing to wait around for him to decide whether or not he wanted to be with me, so I got my stuff from his house, gave him back his stuff and moved on. It hasn't been easy but I've noticed with every message he's sent me over the last few days I get angrier and angrier and I don't know why. Can you guys shed some light on why I feel so angry and why he's tellin me he misses me now, on a daily basis?? I don't know if I can handle him disrupting my life everyday, I'm pissed. Thanks I got that same way, when my ex kept texting me and leaving voicemail messages saying that he misses me and trying to act all smooth after the fact that he hurt me. I got angry, but that is also a good thing and let me tell you why. It's because you are movng on with your life. It shouldn't have to take a man to tell you the fact that he's missing you AFTER he hurt you. Just when ready, tell him with your head up high, in your happy way that although he told you that he misses you and stuff, that you need to move on with your life, without him. If you sound angry he will feel that he still has you (I know it sounds stupid, but it's true)...so just be cordial and tell him, when your calm and ready.
Author rebmalove Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 I failed to mention that in one of those texts he apologized for hurting me and that he thought us separating was the right thing to do and wrote that he's realy sorry again. Does any of that matter? I noticed in postings similar to mine that at least getting an apology meant something...
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I failed to mention that in one of those texts he apologized for hurting me and that he thought us separating was the right thing to do and wrote that he's realy sorry again. Does any of that matter? I noticed in postings similar to mine that at least getting an apology meant something... It means "closure".
Author rebmalove Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 Okay, I feel like I'm going to lose it. He texted me again today with "love u" like we are still together. What should I do? I almost want to email him and let him know that he needs to stop sending me text messages and that I am moving on with my life. Or should I just keep ignoring the texts until he stops for good? I mean, he's being so passive aggressive and I hate that. It's not like he's calling me or asking me to be back with him, stupid butt hole. I just don't understand why he's harrassing me...
loser101 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 it doesn't sound like you would want to get back with him even if he asked you so I think you should tell him to stop harassing you - exactly as you put it. maybe ne needs it to be spelt out to him properly
dadawg Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Okay, I feel like I'm going to lose it. He texted me again today with "love u" like we are still together. What should I do? I almost want to email him and let him know that he needs to stop sending me text messages and that I am moving on with my life. Or should I just keep ignoring the texts until he stops for good? I mean, he's being so passive aggressive and I hate that. It's not like he's calling me or asking me to be back with him, stupid butt hole. I just don't understand why he's harrassing me... So I have walked the same path you're walking now. I was told to wait while she takes a break from me. The things you need to consider are 1. Will he do this again. I think he would. 2. Do you want to spend the rest of your relationship life trying to read into his mind? For him if you give in now, he won. Sorry that's the way these people work. 3. In the three months he left you, anything could have happened to you or him. He was not there for you while you were pushed away. 4. You can ignore his message or engage him. If you ignore him, he would slowly but surely stop. If you engage him, he will try and play all the right buttons that worked with you in the past. If you think you're strong enough to wither all that, engage him. 5. He might even be genuinely sorry, and you can forgive him. Forgiving does not mean taking back. Don't lose sight of the big picture called life. Is it not worth spending with someone that will be there for you no matter what? Well my two cents. In case you didn't figure out what I did when I was caught up at an intersection like you are now. I walked away, and mine was six years. You're in a much better situation.
Flying Burrito Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 So I have walked the same path you're walking now. I was told to wait while she takes a break from me. The things you need to consider are 1. Will he do this again. I think he would.There's no way to know this. 2. Do you want to spend the rest of your relationship life trying to read into his mind? For him if you give in now, he won. Sorry that's the way these people work.Just a reminder - inability to read minds is a problem in lots of relationships. Having the mindset of if I (the dumped one) give in, then I'm the loser and he/she is the winner seems like a waste of mental effort. 3. In the three months he left you, anything could have happened to you or him. He was not there for you while you were pushed away.Not to state the obvious or seem cruel, but breaking up is, by definition, pushing someone away. 4. You can ignore his message or engage him. If you ignore him, he would slowly but surely stop. If you engage him, he will try and play all the right buttons that worked with you in the past. If you think you're strong enough to wither all that, engage him.I agree with this last sentence, if you feel strong enough to engage, the choice is yours. What his motives are remains unknown. 5. He might even be genuinely sorry, and you can forgive him. Forgiving does not mean taking back. Don't lose sight of the big picture called life. Is it not worth spending with someone that will be there for you no matter what?No one person will always be there for you no matter what. This is an impossible standard to meet. As far as if he's sorry, its possible he is sorry. Its also possible he regrets that he hurt you but doesn't regret the choice he made. There are lots of unknowns. The only thing you can know is that at this point in time, he is trying to provoke a response.
Author rebmalove Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Thanks u guys. He sent me two more messages after 'love u' in which he basically begged me to be with him again, called and left a message saying that he missed me so much and he hoped that I will call him one day. I really don't know what to make of this accept what flying burrito said- that 'he is trying to provoke a response'. I just feel like responding would be a waste of my time, but then again I could let him know that I don't want to talk to him and that I've moved on... I think I'd rather just keep ignorin him til he stops and eventually forgets about me. BTW, I have forgiven him already, in the begining stages of our break up... Last month I sent him an email letting him know that I wasn't going to contact him any more, isn't that enough for him to get that I want no contact with him?
Flying Burrito Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 rebmalove, Let's keep it real. There are a lot of guys out there you're not interested in right? When you've said no thank you in the past, do you later call them to say, just wanted to let you know I'm still not interested? Of course you don't. You said it already. Whatever is going on in his head, that's your ex's head. You decided you're not interested. You told him you don't want contact. There's no need to make contact to say, I still don't want to talk to you, thanks. The way you support the decision you made is by doing what you decided: staying out of contact. I'm not saying you can't change your mind, but then you would have to accept and be honest with yourself about doing that. I hear a strong woman who has already made a decision. Just take care of yourself. It's not selfish. It's smart.
Author rebmalove Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Thanks FB, I have to just try to maintain that strength, cause' it sure gets hard...
D-Lish Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Last month I sent him an email letting him know that I wasn't going to contact him any more, isn't that enough for him to get that I want no contact with him? You'd think it would be enough~ but I've had a similar experience where telling them ONCE wasn't enough. I did recently send an ex a "leave me alone" letter. I'd told him at xmas I wanted no contact- but he didn't stop. I sent this last letter and the contact has stopped. I had to get a little harsh. The problem is that he's going to keep contacting you, and everytime he contacts you, it messes with you a little bit. If you think responding with a final "leave me alone" message will work- then do it. If you don't think it will have an effect, continue to ignore him. You can block his number on your cell phone as well.
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