snowflakeku87 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 This is my first time in this forum so I'll start at the beginning. It all started two summers ago I started working at this diner. I worked there during the summer and then went to college during the school year, coming back again the following summer. It was during the first summer that one of the cooks, a man of spanish ethnicity talked to me quite frequently, always flirting and joking with me. The second summer of working there I really started developing feelings for him and he started flirting alot more, always asking me when we would be going on our dates. Well he took my phone one day and started calling me from then on leaving me voicemails on my phone, texting me and so on but I would never answer. By the middle of the second summer him and I were meeting after work just to talk until one day he came to work to meet me and had brought alcohol with him so we could have some fun but I resisted because I was still a virgin. Well about a week later he had a bad car accident so I called him to make sure he was still alright and worried that if he had never made it I would have regretted being with him forever, yeah I was a little dramatic but I thought I was in love. So anyway, one day he called me and said he was going to meet me before work, which was about six am. So we met and fooled around behind the restaurant. The next day he worked until ten pm so I came back to work after my shift and we had sex in his car. The following day we met at a hotel and did it again. We both knew it was wrong and felt guilty because he was married even though he admitted to me several times that he loved me and that he and he no longer got along. I know it was wrong but my feelings were so strong for him, he really was my first love. Well the following week he acted all lovey dovey until he found out that his wife might be pregnant( they already had two together) after which he pulled away completely and told me that he felt too guilty. Well a few weeks pass and I'm getting ready to go back to school. He knows im leaving soon and begins getting flirty with me again, constantly touching, telling me he loves me and making sure I was ok. We fooled around a bit but that was it. When the day finally came that I was leaving he told me goodbye, kissed me and then said that he had told his wife everything and that he didnt want to hurt me anymore. Well I was shocked and devastated so I left crying. Well an hour later my friend calls me up telling me it was all a lie and she had confronted him and he had said it was really hard on him to let me go but he didnt know what else to do. Well so anyway, months go by and he calls occasionally with his number blocked but otherwise I only see him when I come home to visit work occasionally. Well so I went home to work winter break and he would hug me and talk to me but he didn't touch me barely except an occasional arm stroke or holding my hand when i would pass him. Well then I went back to school and just went home to work a weekend a couple of weeks ago. Well I went into the refrigerator to grab some lemons and he comes running in, grabs me and kisses me passionately. We end up making out for like five minutes bfore I leave because I'm worried about the other servers. Well he continues to flirt all day and wonders when I'll be coming home to work over the summer. So theres the problem. I'm so worried about working with him and falling back into what happened this past summer. I left that weekend and came back to school feeling so empty and excited about seeing him the next time, the same way I was when working over the summer. It took me months to kindof get over him and I know I should probably get a job somewhere else but I love all the other people there and the money is great. I don't know what to do and I'm sorry this is so long. Please give me some feedback, I dont care how honest. I'm also worried because he is so jealous whenever I talk to the other cooks, as I am when he talks to other waitresses. Thats distracting too....
jj33 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Oh honey you know the answer. You cant work there. You are young this is your time to go out, have fun, date, fall in love - but not with someone who is married. You both know he is not your future. And as romantic as it may feel at times, its demeaning to you to be in those situations with him. He is married. He isnt going anywhere nor would you want him to. And its affecting you. What are your chances for a summer romance (or a summer romance that turns into something real) with someone else while you are involved with him. Without getting into the moralities of it you need to find another job. Even if you live in a small town and need to go 2 towns over to find a job. And you need to never ever talk to him again. Next time he calls you need to tell him its over and you cant be in contact with him anymore. Look on the bright side, you made the mistake while you were young. Im guessing you were flattered by the attention, it seemed harmless, somehow you didnt think of the fact that he is married. But this is just a summer job for you. Its his life. And he has a wife. Would you want someone sleeping with your father while your Mom was home waiting for him to come home from work? Of course you wouldnt. You said he was jealous. That is another reason not to go back. There are a million reasons to find another job and none of the reasons for going back are stronger. There are some people who are OK with being the OW. But if you are not one of them, then you need to use this as a learning experience and put a bright line in your head. No more relationships with unavailable men. If they are married, have a girlfriend, or otherwise unavailable they are not for you. And you need to come to an understanding with yourself that you are not intersted in men who are not available. Take good care
NoIDidn't Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Can't move on? Why not? Even your friends are telling you of this man's lies. Think of this when you are trying to get him out of your head: he is a liar and he will lie to keep what he wants. He's not good for you. I've seen young girls ruin their entire lives behind a married liar. Don't be one of them.
RinClavin Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I understand how hard this is. It is never easy to get over someone you fall in love with... especially when it's your first love and the man you lose your virginity to. And the fact that he's married allows you to think "if only he were available then everything would be perfect" where in reality it never is perfect. I'll give you the same advise that everyone here will give you. Don't go back to work there. Burn bridges. This means... don't rely on your own strength to "resist" the temptation. Block his phone number and then lose it permanently. Same with his email (or whatever you use to keep in contact). Change jobs and don't go back. As for your heart... tell yourself that he is not worth it. He cheated on his wife, and betrayed his family with a young vulnerable girl. He might be a decent guy, but he sounds like a predator... and regardless he is BAD news for you. Focus on the things that you know in your mind. Then go out with your friends at school, enjoy being young, enjoy meeting boys that are available! Good luck, and know that people do understand what you're going through.
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