boxing123 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 The Collector, I guess it depends on how much you actually feel for someone. If you're sleeping with people in a compartmentalized fashion, where the act or elements of the act are more important than the entire package, I can understand the judgement. That's because a person's brain isn't fuzzed over by those "silly" love chemicals so you're able to withhold a portion of your mind. Also, if your sole attraction towards someone is of a superficial nature, or if it's not the sole attraction but is the priority in the attraction, this also makes sense. If you've honestly risked the entire investment, then you're a cold person indeed if you're still judging. The thread is titled "One for the guys". Why do you have the most posts on it? Are you a guy? Sorry, we notice bodies, and you cannot shame us for it. If you are in love, or just having sex, a man notices the woman's body.. Sorry, you can't control men's thoughts. I thought you started another thread "men and women are different sexually". So how on Earth would you know what we are thinking?
sand26 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I view sex as all of the above, it's not one or the other. If anyone hasn't read my posts I'm loose sexually. I'll admit it but I get the feeling that some women here look down on that thinking that somehow that means something bad or that I disrespect myself or the women are disrespecting themselves(sperm comment). Here is a link with a quick read that will explain EXACTLY where I personally am coming from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tg_sheppard/i_loved_them_every_one.html Die Hard, I hope you don't mind if I: COSIGN
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I view sex as all of the above, it's not one or the other. If anyone hasn't read my posts I'm loose sexually. I'll admit it but I get the feeling that some women here look down on that thinking that somehow that means something bad or that I disrespect myself or the women are disrespecting themselves(sperm comment). Here is a link with a quick read that will explain EXACTLY where I personally am coming from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tg_sheppard/i_loved_them_every_one.html Then you can't discount my theory about why certain people judge flaws v. why others don't. In viewing sex as a form of commodity, when you're not invested, there's a part of you that sits back and is capable of judging for "flaws" or performance. As for looking down on it, I will openly admit that someone who views sex as such, isn't someone who I would consider as mate material. That's my choice, as I'm certain, my beliefs aren't your choice. This is my honest opinion and preference. This doesn't mean that it will or should be anyone else's. sands, I will admit that I've derived my opinion about the overly-promiscuous due to anecdoetal experiences with people who are this way. While I know there are exceptions to every rule, I haven't seen anything to change my opinion of such. Take a look around LS, at some of the overly-promiscuous members (note the overly, as in hundreds) and you might see my point. Your point is also anecdoetal, with only one example of such. I suspect your sister's emotional state is quite different now, than it used to be.
boldjack Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Thanks, loveslife, and no, nobodys listening. They are too busy playing "battle of the sexes".:D:D
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Thanks, loveslife, and no, nobodys listening. They are too busy playing "battle of the sexes".:D:D Get used to it boldjack. No one listens to anything on LS!
Isolde Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 TBF, on a tangent here but people have told me it's possibly to be emotionally invested yet simply incompatible in bed (as in, sex itself). If such a thing is true, I wouldn't say that was superficial judgment, rather accepting facts. I don't know...
sand26 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 WTF are you even talking about dude? "Roaring dating life" was my polite way of saying promiscuous, you asking me if I realize what a roaring dating life means makes no sense since it was the language I chose to use. If you don't realize that, there are some serious mental issues at hand. Now, do you care to answer my very simple question? Why would you be shocked if people who have slept around a lot could bond with someone? I assume you have no personal experience at being a promiscuous person so I will leave my follow up question in this post too: What source(s) are you relying on for your opinion? thanks trial by fire, I am not trying to build animosity with you, just curious why you have come to your conclusions... thanks no response trial?
Die Hard Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Then you can't discount my theory about why certain people judge flaws v. why others don't. In viewing sex as a form of commodity, when you're not invested, there's a part of you that sits back and is capable of judging for "flaws" or performance. I can't agree with this as I truly believe that EVERYONE judges flaws, whether they care about the person or not. It's simple evolution. It's ingrained in the human brain to notice symmetrical bodies, faces, etc.., and again, imo, it cannot be helped. Some admit it and some do not. You may judge the flaws/performance and accept it, overlook it, but that doesn't mean you never judged it in the first place.
loveslife Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Thanks, loveslife, and no, nobodys listening. They are too busy playing "battle of the sexes".:D:D I guess I'm one of the few who is trying to learn more about relationships.
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 TBF, on a tangent here but people have told me it's possibly to be emotionally invested yet simply incompatible in bed (as in, sex itself). If such a thing is true, I wouldn't say that was superficial judgment, rather accepting facts. I don't know...How does one stay long-term with someone who has such a gaping drive difference? You have to question how much people have done their homework, previous to getting into a situation like this. Of course there are religious people who wait until marriage previous to bedding, who get like this. Overall, this type of relationship mystifies me, if you haven't really fallen out of love with someone or were never really in love with them, all cylinders firing. I would see this as settling at the get-go or over-intellectualizing your partner choice. It's one of the reasons why I can't fathom falling in love or lust with your close cross-gender friend.
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 no response trial?Refer to post #78...already responded...
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I can't agree with this as I truly believe that EVERYONE judges flaws, whether they care about the person or not. It's simple evolution. It's ingrained in the human brain to notice symmetrical bodies, faces, etc.., and again, imo, it cannot be helped. Some admit it and some do not. You may judge the flaws/performance and accept it, overlook it, but that doesn't mean you never judged it in the first place. I've made my judgement during the time previous to the bedding. Once it's reached this point, they're accepted as they are, unless of course there are unusual things like a fake left leg. I don't suppose there are too many amputees in this world who strive to cover this up to the point of the first bedding. I can't explain it anymore than I have. I suppose you could say that I look towards the things that turn me on v. the negative. At the point of finally stripping down, I'm more interested in the sensations and desire.
The Collector Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 If you go back to my previous posts in this thread, you'll find my entire perspective on body judgment, theories and views on sex as an act/superficial attraction v. invested people viewing the other person as an entire package. Especially, take a look at my quoting of The Collector and response thereof. If someone's honestly invested, they're going to ignore or even find interesting, non-perfect bodies, unless they're cold inside. If someone is having sex, purely for sex or is solely focused on the superficial, they're going to be able to compartmentalize a portion of their minds towards viewing the product as an object and focusing on technique v. emotions/entire package. Yup, and I said nobody's perfect. But unless we are blind, we notice and ignore/don't care/are bothered by the 'flaws,' to some extent. And a woman can be totally warm inside, but if a small penis, body odour or obesity in a partner is a deal-breaker for her, that doesn't make her shallow. Physical attraction is a factor for most people, and it's PC malarkey to pretend otherwise.
Isolde Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 How does one stay long-term with someone who has such a gaping drive difference? You have to question how much people have done their homework, previous to getting into a situation like this. Of course there are religious people who wait until marriage previous to bedding, who get like this. Overall, this type of relationship mystifies me, if you haven't really fallen out of love with someone or were never really in love with them, all cylinders firing. I would see this as settling at the get-go or over-intellectualizing your partner choice. It's one of the reasons why I can't fathom falling in love or lust with your close cross-gender friend. Yeah, people do over intellectualize, but I'd also be scared to rely too much on my gut to tell me if I'm in love for real or not. Also, I think your view is a wee bit black and white. I have met people I could probably have had a great relationship with, but the timing wasn't right for us to fall in love.
boxing123 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I've made my judgement during the time previous to the bedding. Once it's reached this point, they're accepted as they are, unless of course there are unusual things like a fake left leg. I don't suppose there are too many amputees in this world who strive to cover this up to the point of the first bedding. I can't explain it anymore than I have. I suppose you could say that I look towards the things that turn me on v. the negative. At the point of finally stripping down, I'm more interested in the sensations and desire. Ok great, go start your own thread asking for women to respond. You are basically trying to say if a man notices a woman's flaws he is either 1. Promiscuous 2. Not into the woman 3. Not a good person/cold/judgemental Of course, this is another way in which you WISH women could change/control men's thoughts and desires. But you cannot, so you have to put men down for just being men.
PinkKittyKat Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 But that was the question in the OP!! DO YOU NOTICE FLAWS. Some of the guys said yes, and you admit you do too, but men are the bad guys??? I just don't get it. The OP didn't ask if men threw women out of bed after getting them naked, nor have any serious responses by men said so. Seems to me some women have issues with men simply having eyes and a human brain. Um, but for a lot of people, noticing a bit of a gut, or a smaller penis, or smaller breasts etc. isn't a "flaw". It's when you say "Yes, I noticed a flaw, her boobs are saggy, but I love her anyway", that's sort of rotten. My bf has a bit of a gut, and I can see it, yes. But I don't don't consider it a "flaw". One of my exes was short, with a smaller penis, I didn't consider it a "flaw". If a box is coloured red, and not blue, and I notice that, I don't consider it a flaw at all, right? It is simply a statement of fact, but one without an implied judgement. I don't "love my bf anyway even though he has a gut". This whole seeing flaws and doing it IN SPITE of said flaws is what gets people up in arms. I love my bf, I love his face, I love his hands, his bum, his belly, his back. There's no "noticing of flaws", because I do not consider them flaws. Just differences. I may as well consider his manly hands "flaws", or his hair, or skin colour. What makes something a flaw?
Isolde Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Yup, and I said nobody's perfect. But unless we are blind, we notice and ignore/don't care/are bothered by the 'flaws,' to some extent. And a woman can be totally warm inside, but if a small penis, body odour or obesity in a partner is a deal-breaker for her, that doesn't make her shallow. Physical attraction is a factor for most people, and it's PC malarkey to pretend otherwise. I think TBF allowed that if you weren't attracted to begin with, you wouldn't be having sex.
Die Hard Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I've made my judgement during the time previous to the bedding. Once it's reached this point, they're accepted as they are, unless of course there are unusual things like a fake left leg. I don't suppose there are too many amputees in this world who strive to cover this up to the point of the first bedding. I can't explain it anymore than I have. I suppose you could say that I look towards the things that turn me on v. the negative. At the point of finally stripping down, I'm more interested in the sensations and desire.What about a one inch pecker ....you gonna overlook that if you've fallen for them before seeing it? It's not a trick question or anything, I'm really curious.
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 What about a one inch pecker ....you gonna overlook that if you've fallen for them before seeing it? It's not a trick question or anything, I'm really curious. That's an easy indicator to notice, while dating. But then, I don't jump into bed with a guy on the first few dates.
Die Hard Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 That's an easy indicator to notice, while dating. But then, I don't jump into bed with a guy on the first few dates.You're avoiding the question. Let's just assume you meet a guy and start falling for him BEFORE you know the size of his pecker? Or are you saying you need to know the size of his member before you could fall for him(since you say it's easily indicated anyway)? I'm confused here.
moman Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 TBF, sex is a commodity, and women have made it that way. What should impress me about a girl who is giving it up to anyone who is willing to pay her attention?
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 You're avoiding the question. Let's just assume you meet a guy and start falling for him BEFORE you know the size of his pecker? Or are you saying you need to know the size of his member before you could fall for him(since you say it's easily indicated anyway)? I'm confused here. I'm not avoiding your question. I'm stating that while in the course of the dating period, there's some form of physicality. Most people do have contact, whether it's kissing, hugging, holding hands, a little groping, whatever floats your boat. If you haven't figured out that a guy has a one inch pecker while dating and continue down the road towards investment, then you're either not too bright or he's never been turned on in your presence. That's why I wouldn't bother answering your question straight on, because it's like asking me "what if the sky's green, what would you do?".
Die Hard Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I'm not avoiding your question. I'm stating that while in the course of the dating period, there's some form of physicality. Most people do have contact, whether it's kissing, hugging, holding hands, a little groping, whatever floats your boat. If you haven't figured out that a guy has a one inch pecker while dating and continue down the road towards investment, then you're either not too bright or he's never been turned on in your presence. That's why I wouldn't bother answering your question straight on, because it's like asking me "what if the sky's green, what would you do?".Sounds awful judgmental to me to realize a guy has a one inch pecker, then decide you don't want to go further down that road but it's okay because you realized it before he got naked? It seems as though some are saying men are bad for making a judgment when seeing them naked vs. making that judgment with the clothes on. How am I supposed to know if a chick has cellulite on the back of her legs, particularly in wintertime, unless she undresses? Women are very adept at hiding flaws through the use of make-up, certain clothing, breast padding etc.. Hell, a guy could be padding his crotch. How the heck do you really know what you're getting until you get there? Seems to me that's when the real judgments begin, in men and women.
carhill Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Maybe I'd do better here posting like Carhill. No offense Carhill. I've got my eye on you In other news, after getting the Heimlich after turning blue and stopping breathing and being sent to the hospital, my mom appears to be back to her normal yelling self, as evidenced by the background noise when the nurse called me to find out what the yelling was about. I could feel myself smile, empathizing with the nurses predicament, and told her which med she needed to get to make the yelling stop. Topically, this thread and my experience last night made me think about when I had to start bathing her a few years ago and remembering how remarkably well-preserved she was for an 80+ year old woman. I recall she always took real good care of her skin and exercised regularly. IMO, people are making way too much out of what is a natural process, that being life. I think back upon the women I've loved in my life and, regardless of where those emotions took me, the ladies all have been beautiful in my eyes. IMO, real, true beauty *is* in the details, in those little 'imperfections' which make us unique and special. Apologies for the minor oedipal TJ, but it was on my mind. Carry on
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Sounds awful judgmental to me to realize a guy has a one inch pecker, then decide you don't want to go further down that road. It seems as though some are saying men are bad for making a judgment when seeing them naked vs. making that judgment with the clothes on. How am I supposed to know if a chick has cellulite on the back of her legs, particularly in wintertime, unless she undresses? Women are very adept at hiding flaws through the use of make-up, certain clothing, breast padding etc..Why is it so important to you that I change my mind? It's not going to change. I don't need to change it, as you don't need to change your perspective. And yes, upfront, I would reject a man with a 1" pecker. At least this would be something done previous to investment. Once you're down the road to investment, it gets more hurtful to be rejected. You can thank your lucky stars that you found out someone felt this way, before going any further.
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