Unguardiant Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Here's what you do: go see a lawyer. Preferably a ball busting shark of a lawyer who will 'rape' your H and leave nothing but scraps. agreed. stay strong
insanelyjelous Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Hi mainline flower, I really would like to urge you to continue your counselling, not for his sake but your own... Self esteem is a commodity that we should all have and I feel that understandably yours is a little low right now, believe me if you read through some of my previous posts you would laugh at some of the things I accepted from my so called fiance, whoops I mean EX fiance. My point being that my self esteem was incredibly low to the point where I was willing to accept anything just to be with him! I myself didn't go to counselling I stayed with him hoping if I kept accepting, trying to be who he wanted me to be he would finally see what I was doing for him and truly love me. But the truth is I didn't LOVE or RESPECT myself enough for him to do the same, by allowing/trying to make him to stay after he dropped such a disrespectful hurtful bombshell on you and your children is basically telling him "it's ok to treat me this way, you can treat me this way and i'l keep coming back for more" Do you truly want to be with someone who could do that to you? The day I found out what he'd done was the biggest wake up call i'd ever had, it was the ultimate betrayal and I knew there was no going back. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought of all the things I'd ever done for "us", the ways i'd changed myself for him and I realised that I deserved better, that my children deserved better and that I would rather be alone then have someone who didn't value or respect me. So what if he was unhappy in the relationship, if times get hard and the first thing he does is fantasise about being with someone else, then he truly is a weak man. Just like my ex! Instead of taking the time to try and heal the relationship he is busy giving another woman your time, whether she is interested or not is not even relevant, the fact that he is interested, is! I understand that you have probably vested a lot of time and emotion into your marriage, and maybe as I did, you may feel like a failure for it not working out but it wasn't you, it was HIM.... he is the failure, he is the one who will miss out on the opportunity of being in his kids lives everyday, waking up and seeing them and he will miss out on the opportunity to have such a beautiful person like you in his life, and it is HIS loss. I am not advocating divorce, I believe each to their own but I also believe every person derserves true love and happiness with a lot of respect, and you have to find that within yourself first! If you do split up, be amicable for your children, be mature not bitter and know that you can walk with your head high... but don't take no crap from him!
Author MainlineFlower Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 i made a lot of changes in the way i treated him, and stayed consistent with them. i also initiated sex daily, and was very agreeable with whatever he wanted. he changed his mind and decided to stay. we bought a home 3 months ago. he says he's so happy he didn't make the mistake of leaving. now it's me who is very unhappy, though i won't leave, i'm sure. i have come to the conclusion that my husband has a narcissistic personality disorder and will only be happy if he is seen by me and others as perfect. so it's a different day, but i'm still eating **** sandwiches for lunch.
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