klee Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Hi. I have not posted here in a long time. Many of you probably won't remember me anyways, but I have been reading this board for a long time and it has been really useful. Also, I have no idea where to post this, so hopefully this is an appropriate section. Last summer I studied abroad, and met a super awesome guy. He was actually someone I had been getting to know online for a while and by coincidence I was going to be near where he lives. So we met. We fell in love. I came home and we missed each other...he made arrangements to come for a visit...a 3 month stay, because we talked about marrying. He wanted to see if he liked it in the US, etc. Well, after about a month, we realized that it was too soon for all of this. The reality of running into a marriage when we hardly knew each other set in when he got here. He went home early, but we agreed that we would continue an LDR. We figured it could work, because I plan to go again this summer and possibly take a year to live and work abroad after I finally get my degree. Then came the silence. He went home. We sporadically talked, he kept blowing me off for Skype dates, and I became frustrated, because I knew we would not survive an LDR if this kept up. The thing about it is I would see him online at other sites that we go to, talking with other people in the group...eventually, I'd say after several weeks of this weirdness, we had a talk and ended our relationship. We decided it was not fair to stay together exclusively, so we agreed to date others but, somehow, our communication increased after that. We chatted more frequently, sent each other stuff, and remained flirty and it seemed that we were heading down that road again. About 2 months ago he decided to post pics of his new girlfriend and him and I saw it, so I entered no contact mode. I was doing ok in NC and feeling kinda good, but then my curiosity gets the best of me sometimes and I still go look at his pictures and stuff he has online. I am obviously not over this even though I am trying really hard to move on. The problem is this: I have the opportunity to study abroad again this summer and I really, really want to. It's a pretty big city, BUT a big part of me is hesitating because I don't want to run into the ex, his girlfriend, or his friends. I also am afraid of getting there and being hit with emotions and memories and not being able to handle it. A friend of mine I was talking with the other day asked me what I would do if I ran into them in the city. I thought about it and I probably would not say or do anything, just go about my way. I really want to go. But I am so scared, and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't go. Is that stupid? Should I go anyways and just have the best time I can? How can I shake the feeling that this trip will be tainted by the pain of missing him? Please help me with some insight, something to get me out of this feeling-sorry-for-myself funk. I just want to feel better so I can go again, learn a lot, and have some fun in Europe.
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