my partner wants to watch me have sex with other men.

[confusedpartner]

We have done this a couple of times but its been a couple of years now since anything has happened. i still worry that he wants to do this and that he would go somewhere else to watch someone else. he has very 'busy' eyes when we're out, and he goes to such great lengths to make me think he hasn't noticed, that it makes it even worse. i guess i'm just wondering if i am with a man that will go elsewhere when he gets bored and if i am not really with a man who is truly able to committ. i really want to continue with a lot more questions but i'll stop here for now.

[GroupFitness]

Who knows your partner of several years better than you? certainly not strangers on a message board. Did you give in the first few times because it was something you enjoyed and wanted to do or did you do it because it was something he wanted?

[mzbaker]

i agree. if you went with it because you enjoy it then it shouldn't be a problem. if you enjoyed it then but don't think you will now then don't do it. if you never enjoyed it and did it just to keep him happy then i fear you may have made a mistake. it sounds like you don't like it and don't want to do it and his wandering eyes, the whole thing, is causing you some insecurities and even unhappiness?

 

if that is the case then i'd say, you may have something to worry about. there are a lot of couples out there who live and love in very open relationships. they are happy and very committed to each other...very honest about who they are with/agreements on sharing, etc. it can work.

 

but if you are not that kind of person. if you are not comfortable with sharing or letting him watch you with someone else...being with someone besides him then this isn't going to work and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. you must be with someone who shares your values, way of life, interests...otherwise it's just another trip down experience lane which is what dating and relationships are about.

 

it's up to you where you are with all this...but you must stay true to you and not waste a time on a relationship that isn't "fitting"...that way, you aren't missing out on the possible meeting the person who DOES fit.

 

best of luck to you!

[EllieBean]

Do you want to have sex with other men, or did you only give in because he wanted you to do it? Where does he find men who are willing to have sex while another guy watches anyway? Personally I'd be worried about catching a nasty disease from one of these various men, and I'd refuse to do it on that basis. Also I think it's very selfish of him to ask you to do that if youre not comfortable with it, and for me it would be grounds for dumping him - he obviously isn't so much in love with you that he wants you only for himself, and he's putting you at serious risk of stuff like Aids etc for his own sexual gratification.

[seibert253]

Personally I think it's wrong, but if you are OK with it, and your man is into it, then if you protect yourself and enjoy.

[confusedpartner]

i guess there is so much that has happened in this relationship it is hard to talk about it. my problem is that my ex husband had serious sexual addiction problems. after about 6 years of marriage and 8 years together, i found out he was going through drive throughs and 'performing' for the girls in the windows. (exhibitionism). this, to top it all off was 3 days before i went in to have my daughter, planned c-section! It was a nasty experience and i see now after 9 years divorced, that it has totally ruined my trust of anyone. i trusted him and what he was up to.

now i'm with a guy and have been for 5 years now who has been abusive but physically only once, i walked in on him ready to sleep w this girl, and the list goes on, on top of the stuff above. the thing is the past year has been a big turn around. its been very difficult, as i don't trust that all of this crap won't come to the surface again some day. I recognize that we are both very insecure individuals and that isn't helping. i don't even trust my own judgement anymore, but i'm allowing myself to trust him little bits at a time, and it's getting much better,.... trying The Secret stuff. i guess my worry is that with the stuff that has gone on, it'll never go away... i mean, it will happen again. i have, several kids kids and menieres disease and feel very dependent. not sure whether to trust myself or not.

[Heroic]

OK first off, you caught him about to cheat on you....

 

You have some serious issues in your relationship and swinging isn't going to help them.

 

Ask any swinger and the mantra is: Always solid relationship first, swing fun last.

 

Most guys who want to see thier partner with another guy are looking for an excuse for themselves.

[EllieBean]

OMG please do yourself a favour and get rid of this loser asap! You should have dumped his sorry ass as soon as you caught him about to have sex with another girl! Also he has a history of abusing you physically, and is pushing you to do stuff you don't feel comfortable with. You have enough to deal with given your health problems and the kids you have to look after, you don't need this bullsh*t. Dump him and find yourself a guy who actually respects you.

[era]

I don't get it - and probably never will.

 

Open relationships?...swingers?

 

Gag me:sick::sick: