MarshaMellow Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 [FONT=Arial]New to this site: [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Sorry if this is long. My bf and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have been through a lot, which I won’t get into... For the past 6 months or so my bf has been putting in my mind that he is going to ask me to marry him. He asked me to pick out a bunch of rings so he has an idea of my style and told me last week that he plans on popping the question by the end of the year. I never inquired about any of this, he just starting talking about that and getting a house (we rent now). Well, to sum it up. I was afraid to get my hope up about him wanting to marry me… just had a feeling he would change his mind.. I asked him if he wanted to marry me because he loved me or if he just felt like it was the right thing to do since we had been through so much. He said he loves me [/FONT][FONT=Wingdings][FONT=Wingdings]J[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=Arial]. Well, anyways, he is in a bad mood today so don’t know if I should take what he says to heart, but he said the following: “[/FONT][FONT=Calibri]Just so you know, I think it’s a terrible idea for me to ever marry anyone. I’m going to do it anyway but remember that I told you this mad times. That’s all. I will never be happy with anyone. “[/FONT] [FONT=Calibri]I’m not sure how to take that.. I just know that it made me sad. Guess that’s not how I pictured the person I loved talking about marriage.. Am I living in a fantasy land ?? [/FONT]
Rose81 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Do not accept his proposal. He needs to deal with some things that from what he's saying, have nothing to do with you. It sounds like he is just trying to do what he thinks he should be doing. Find someone who will be excited about marrying you.... because it will only get worse.
Author MarshaMellow Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 Do not accept his proposal. He needs to deal with some things that from what he's saying, have nothing to do with you. It sounds like he is just trying to do what he thinks he should be doing. Find someone who will be excited about marrying you.... because it will only get worse. He definately has some problems that have nothing to do with me. I don't know what to do. He just starting asking me about rings again. How he wants me to send him some examples of the styles I like. I told him how just the other day he was coming accross not confident about marrying me, and if he has any questions about this not do it. I truely love this man with all my heart and want nothing more to marry him. But not like this.. I can't help but feel something is not right..
vander Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 He definately has some problems that have nothing to do with me. I don't know what to do. He just starting asking me about rings again. How he wants me to send him some examples of the styles I like. I told him how just the other day he was coming accross not confident about marrying me, and if he has any questions about this not do it. I truely love this man with all my heart and want nothing more to marry him. But not like this.. I can't help but feel something is not right.. There really does seem to be something wrong with what he's doing. For someone who makes this statement: "I think it’s a terrible idea for me to ever marry anyone. I’m going to do it anyway but remember that I told you this mad times. That’s all. I will never be happy with anyone." --- He really has no business marrying anyone! He will become resentful. In fact, he already sounds resentful. It certainly wouldn't be a happy marriage. I think you said the right thing, that if he has any hesitation then he should not do it. But if he proposes anyway (and it sounds like he might), it's ok to stand up for your best interests -- and his best interests too -- and say no.
Author MarshaMellow Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 There really does seem to be something wrong with what he's doing. For someone who makes this statement: "I think it’s a terrible idea for me to ever marry anyone. I’m going to do it anyway but remember that I told you this mad times. That’s all. I will never be happy with anyone." --- He really has no business marrying anyone! He will become resentful. In fact, he already sounds resentful. It certainly wouldn't be a happy marriage. I think you said the right thing, that if he has any hesitation then he should not do it. But if he proposes anyway (and it sounds like he might), it's ok to stand up for your best interests -- and his best interests too -- and say no. I guess I am just not sure what to do from here. He clearly needs help, he knows it. I have brought it up occasionally, in a nice, non-attacking manner. But he does not want to seek help. He told me he only said that the other day because he was in a "mood". It is so confusing.. its like I am dating two different people because his moods are so conflicting. I just want him to be happy.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I guess I am just not sure what to do from here. He clearly needs help, he knows it. I have brought it up occasionally, in a nice, non-attacking manner. But he does not want to seek help. He told me he only said that the other day because he was in a "mood". It is so confusing.. its like I am dating two different people because his moods are so conflicting. I just want him to be happy. Sounds like he has some mental health issues, Bipolar maybe? If he doesn't want to seek help then I don't know how much of a husband/boyfriend he will be able to be. It doesn't sound like it's a good idea for you to accept a proposal/marry this guy. His heads just not in it (probably his heart too.)
Author MarshaMellow Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Sounds like he has some mental health issues, Bipolar maybe? If he doesn't want to seek help then I don't know how much of a husband/boyfriend he will be able to be. It doesn't sound like it's a good idea for you to accept a proposal/marry this guy. His heads just not in it (probably his heart too.) He is bipolar actually. Last night he was telling me that he is glad that I stuck around and that he can't wait to marry me and continues to ask me about rings. He has made alot of improvements on his own with his mental health issues. However, I do feel that there is only so much he can do on his own and really wish he would get help. You guys are probably right.. I guess its easier to see reality when ur not directly involved in the relationship. I just wish there was a way this could work.
Recommended Posts