simpledevotion Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I know this is long.. but please hear me out . Hi! This is my first post. I just needed some advice. Okay here goes... My boyfriend (I think we still are, although he no longer treats me like his girlfriend) and I have been together for three years. In that time, I have had trust issues. I used to get paranoid over little things. I would get mad at him for looking at porn, calling his friends that are girls, etc. However, I did compromise with him and said it was okay to look at porn, as long as it is not a dating website and not excessive. We live together so I have seen everything. We have been living together for two years. After years of mistrust he wants to leave. I don't him want to leave, but he said there is no hope for change because we have been together for 3 years, still no trust. Although, I wanted to be with him so much. Last night he got really drunk and started yelling at me to the point the cops came. I didn't want to fight with him, but as I was sleeping, he kept screaming **** YOU to me. While I was in bed trying to sleep! I made dinner that night, did his laundry, and even bought him some chocolates that he really loves. I wanted to start over thats why. But what do I get at the end of the night? A **** YOU screamed in my ear. After the cops came, he called his best friend that is a girl. They have been friends for over seven years. He used to have a huge crush on her, but she didn't see him that way. Well, he knows I am insecure about her. She is gorgeous and she is the first person he runs to when he is upset. Well anyways, they were talking for a long time. It really bothered me, because I wanted to talk to him about our issues but all he told me was to leave him the **** alone. He even said hurtful things like, " I would rather get rammed up the ass, than be with you." " You are just an accessory, like a shoe" " You are so ****en retarded. " I can go on and on.... but it hurts too much :-( He tells me all these things, but he is still in my apartment. The apartment that I pay all of the rent for. I don't want him to leave, but it hurts so much. I want to be with him, but all he can say is nasty and hurtful things. I know I messed up in the past, because I was untrusting. I wanted to make things right and start over. But everytime I try to make it up to him he just grunts and tells me that he doesn't believe me. My insecurities: I guess it goes back to my childhood, I was left premature and abandoned by my mother and father, while they raised my older sister. I was reunited with my parents when I was five years old. From then on, I was always compared to my older sister. My mom treated me like crap. I always wanted to show them I was worthy, I got good grades and I stayed out of trouble. However, when I got straight A's on my report card, my mother would throw it away. So now I feel that I am not good enough and I get paranoid that people are better than me and that my boyfriend would leave me for another. I know I have issues, that is why I am attending therapy now, to change. And to be a better and more trusting and confident individual. What should I do about my boyfriend?
messed-mind Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Sounds like you need out and fast. It's already a horribly abusive relationship with no reconcileable future. Get out now. Moving forward, you should work on your own esteem and trust issue before stepping into another relationship, otherwise you will drive people away from you. It's always a tough line to walk when you feel so insecure that you suspect the other person is cheating on you. Maybe you've got abandonment issues, it might help to talk to a professional if you feel it's getting in the way of potentially healthy relationships.
Flying Burrito Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 What should I do about my boyfriend?He's a mooching, abusive tool. Get the bum out of your apartment. Then get yourself a Labrador Retriever puppy. It will be a much nicer companion and you can eat the chocolates, which is as it should be.
Citizen Erased Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Kick him out of your apartment. He doesn't even pay rent? And he treats you like this? Don't allow that, kick him out. Now. And I advise you to do so with another person present. He quite clearly has a problem with anger.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I think right now the therapy is what you need and to be alone. You stated that you had trust issues, but did you tell him this in the beginning of the relationship. Either way, although you had those issues, after 3 years he just couldn't deal in my opinion. Anyways for now just focus on you right now.
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