Adstring Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 My ex girlfriend split up with me 4 months ago. I still have strong feelings for her and am not completely over her. We have a lot of very close friends in common. Although we have not seen each other much at all, in the last month we have started going out with all our friends. It is difficult seeing her again. The period after our break up was not good at all, we tried to stay in touch and it didn't work out. She wanted more space than I gave her, and I constantly wanted to stay in contact. I think it stressed her out and made her angry. The first time we went out with all our friends, it was OK. We met for a coffee before the evening out, just to get the first awkward half hour out of our way. During the evening, I didn't talk to her much, but really noticed that she was going out of her way to ingnore me in front of our friends and when I went to talk to her for the first time at the end of the night she got really angry - resulting in us both being upset. We went out again with all our friends the weekend after. I had promised myself that I was not going to speak to her at all, and let her have as much space as she wanted. Things were going really well and half way through the night she came over to me and asked how I was. I thought this was really nice of her - and it made me feel like we could go out and be civil with our friends. 10 minutes later, she was all over (kissing etc) some random guy at the bar in front of me. I went up to her afterwards and said that she didn't have to do that in front of me and she told me where to go. That made me feel really bad. My friends all think this was really insensitive of her and think that she was out of line. I could forgive her for a drunken mistake - and know that she has the right to do what she wants with other guys, but I don't think it's fair to do this in front of me, knowing it would hurt me. I called her the day after to give her a chance to apologise, but she would not speak. This weekend, we all went out again for a friends birthday. This time, my friend (who's birthday it was) told her that she cannot repeat what she did before in front of me. Things were OK, and all went fine. In the club, I apologised to her for the way I had acted. She responded by saying that she wish she had never met me, we can never be friends and that it is all my fault. She then proceeded to flirt (outrageously) with 2 guys for the rest of the evening. I had to go out for dinner again last night with all our friends. We sat at opposite ends of the table, and didn't speak to each other at all. I'm really wondering what to do now. She seems very angry, but I think she will remain like that until she can forgive me or accept that some of the things she has done are very insensitive. I do not want to stop going out with my friends, and she has made it very clear that she won't either. Nor can I put them in a situation where I ask them not to invite her. This is really tricky - ulitimately, I just want us to get on, but it seems she is really intent on making things diffcult. What should I do?
Excellent Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I'd say you should celebrate that she broke up with you. She obviously is a very immature person. You just don't do that in front of your friends, or exes for that matter, when you know that it will hurt them. The best thing you can do is stop contacting her, stop asking for forgiveness over something she has done to you, and ignore her back. Just stop caring. Right now she is feeding her ego from your attention, and it's working, since she is continuing with this bitchy theater she's got going. The more ignoring and non-caring you get, the more desperate she will become. And she probably will go to great lengths to get your attention again, so you really, really have to stick at it. The reward is to see how pathetic she will become, and how low she is willingly to go. To the point it will amuse you. Rise yourself above her level, be a man. I did, and it didn't just get my selfrespect back, it made the healing go faster, and my ex actually started to show some respect again.
Author Adstring Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Thanks. I think that is what I am going to have to do, as I don't have much choice. When we all went out for dinner last night, I made a huge attempt not to sit there and feel sorry for myself. I still had to put up with her icy glances from across the table but I think the fact that I was having a good time with my friends annoyed her a little bit. She did agree with my friend that she can't do what she did again in front of me - but I think this is just so she doesn't appear bad in front of our friends. She will not apologise to me, and from her point of view, she has the right to go out and do whatever she wants. After I apologised to her, she had a huge go at me for going up to her in the club and saying I have no right to do that. From my point of view, if someone is doing something to hurt me, in front of me, I will stop it. I know that it is my responsibility to get over her, but I also don't think it's fair to have to stay at home when all my friends are out, just because she refuses to be sensitive to the situation. I have apologised for the fact that I didn't give her space and just want things to be amicable
Author Adstring Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 ..also, is it immature, or is it just her going out and having a good time? Some of my friends would say that she isn't doing it just to hurt me (even though it does)..
Excellent Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Probably in both ways. She has fun when she gets your attention. Hence the icy glances. Let her stare herself to death for all you care. Smile back, and continue your conversation with whomever you are talking to at that moment.
Author Adstring Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 You might be right, I think she likes the attention, be it from me or any other guy - and she's very attractive, so she knows she can get it. But if I find it hard to deal with, is it better to stop going out, or better to do as you say and just try and ignore it?
Excellent Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Naw, if you stop going out, it means you let her control you. It won't get better if you sit inside, wanting to go out with your friends, but can't because she is there. Just ignore her, it will go better than you think.
cityboy Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Naw, if you stop going out, it means you let her control you. It won't get better if you sit inside, wanting to go out with your friends, but can't because she is there. Just ignore her, it will go better than you think. You should still go out, but you should find new friends. If they're putting up with this stuff in front of you and not calling her on it, they're not real friends.
Author Adstring Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 Well they do call her on it - most of them have spoken to her and told her that they think she was out of line. But that doesn't mean they can force her to apologise, or that they are going to stop hanging out with her completely.
Recommended Posts