Reggie Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Stick to your paln. It is a good one. If he lies, then you know something is up. MAny of us felt the same way about our spouses, never imagining they could do this.
signedin2008 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 He is thinking about cheating. If he lie, you might want to consider giving him the home-made lunch and then show up at the restaurant. One thing can be sure, he will lie. He will defend her. He will accused you of snooping and overly jealous. It seems that he is definately thinking about cheating. No man want to "catch up" with a former female worker if he is not interested in her performing some "tasks" for him.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 we are in marriage counseling. that is working out pretty good and in the last month or so we have been great. We figured the $$ situation (although totally my fault) was a symptom of our growing apart/his prioritizing work over family and my trying to keep everyone happy. he also sees a therapist because he has had some depression and anxiety issues for the past few years. even though we have problems, a person has to be a skunk to cheat and i just don't see him in that way Then why were you going through and reading his emails... if you trust him so much? Honestly, I don't see anything particularly wrong with his going to lunch with a former employee. The issue at hand seems to be your overall marriage... maybe you need to start taking care of your husband a little better.
datura_noir Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 It sounds to me like she is taking care of her husband-how many wives make their husbands a lunch everyday?:love:That is a very considerate and loving thing to do. I think you should go ahead with what you have planned. If he mentions nothing, then I would bring it up, and also apologize for snooping.
Author sad&sorry Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I deviated from my original plan but it all worked out for the best. I asked him if he needed a lunch and he replied yes, so i made his lunch and left it in the fridge. the whole thing was nagging me so at 11:30PM, I woke him and said that we needed to talk. I then just simply told him the truth. I told him that when he was doing work in the dining room the other day, he left his emails open and I saw one from K*** PH***. I remembered her from his last job and opened it. (I didn't do it sneakily, he was in the living room - could have walked in at any time, although it was snooping). i asked him what he thought he was doing, what was his motivation in seaking out a 25 year old girl who used to work for him for lunch. he said it was business, explained it in greater detail (which I believe to be true). I told him i thought it was inappropriate and made me uncomfortable. I further explained that she might be thinking something else too. I told him any woman in my situation would feel likewise. he agreed wih me and said he totally understood. we talked at great lenth about the whole incident and he said he simply wouldn't have a lunch meeting with her, it was no big deal to him. and I believe him. I know some people may think i am being naive but he has never given me cause to think he was a skunk so i am choosing to trust him. thanks for all the good advice.
Author sad&sorry Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 also...he didn't lie about having lunch with her - he said she could only meet at a specific time that he has a weekly staff meeting, so they hadn't made a solid plan.
stuckinoz Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Will you continue to "snoop"....or "be on the look-out" for suspicious behavior?
boldjack Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 S&S, Most of the posters have given you good ideas, but the best one seems to be to confront him when you are in MC.
Author sad&sorry Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 although i did open an email that was not addressed to me, i wouldn't say i snoop on him at all. if the email didn't catch my eye i wouldnt have looked. so no i don't think i will snoop. i dont have the time, hahaha. i am confidant in what i did and my decision to trust him. i'm not blind though, if i see something i'm uncomfortable with i'll say something right away.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Sounds like you're on solid ground. Be careful - spending too much time on Loveshack will make your paranoid about your relationship. Not every spouse plans to cheat... Mr. Lucky
jnj express Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 He could be just innocently catching up, but his not telling you is a red flag-----You might not want to confront just yet, but you should defintly do some investigating, and find out how any time away from you is spent. You might want to make sure he is not spending any time away from work, where he might be meeting her, check his normal daily trips to and from work as to time, make sure he accounts for any time away from home for errands, he should not be doing any boys night out things, check his e-mail, and cell phone for anything unusual. If nothing shows up then maybe the one time only lunch is OK, but that should be it. He should not be having any 2nd lunches with her. Do what you can to moniter him, and if you are still bothered then just confront him straight out
beyondsad Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I never thought in a milion years my H would cheat on me. Well he did with a old friend. Looking back my gut insticts were trying to tell me something was up but I just wasn't listening. When I did say something about how weird I thought something was H blew me off and added the don't be so insecure statement were old friends. The I'm not happy excuse with a busy life, kids, jobs etc is almost a justification to cheat. I wish that I was more pro-active instead of waiting around till I rcvd a letter informing me of the MOW. Hindsight! I think if I would have been more confrontaional about her it probably would have saved me alot of grief.
signedin2008 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I deviated from my original plan but it all worked out for the best. I asked him if he needed a lunch and he replied yes, so i made his lunch and left it in the fridge. the whole thing was nagging me so at 11:30PM, I woke him and said that we needed to talk. I then just simply told him the truth. I have some questions: 1) He is meeting her for lunch, so why did he lied to you and told you that he needed lunch? 2) Why is he telling you about all his lunchmeetings and not this lunch meeting with this girl? 3) If it's business, it can EASILY done through the phone, why do they have to meet in PERSON? 4) "Catching up" is NOT business. (I guess this is a statement and not a question). I really think he is thinking about TRYING to have an affair with her. Now, he will be VERY careful with any inappropriate communication with any females and you won't be able to find out. You keep saying that he has been faithful, etc. Do you think all cheaters have always cheated in the past? Alot of them started first cheating after being married for years. There is a first for everything.
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