ziddey Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 2 months now and things have been going great. We met at a club and had sex that night. We've been seeing each other almost everyday since then (we got to neighboring colleges) and have sex pretty much every time. We share the same interests and really enjoy each other's company. I love her and she says she loves me. The thing is she said she's been hurt before from getting too attached to a guy too quickly and then him leaving her because he got disinterested. She says she doesnt want that to happen with me because she "cherishes our friendship". So she says she wants to "take it slow". What does this mean? We've already been taking it fast for the past two months, so how do I take it down a notch? Thanks!
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 She's feeling guilty about sleeping with you too soon and feels like you only like her company for the sexcapades. I'll bet that's it. So wine and dine the girl, and there is NO way ya'll are in love after 2 months. Insane
Author ziddey Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 I do wine and dine her...I take her to dinner at least once a week and I go out of my way to help her with things. I take her to concerts all the time. Is she looking for a little space? Less sex? Less seeing me everyday?
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I do wine and dine her...I take her to dinner at least once a week and I go out of my way to help her with things. I take her to concerts all the time. Is she looking for a little space? Less sex? Less seeing me everyday? hmmmm maybe she's being honest... She's scared she'll get hurt again. It's very possible. She could be subconciously pushing you away without knowing before you become uninterested in her. Sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how you feel, ask her if SHE is losing interest. Write down some questions and ask her.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Looks like she's learned her lesson and realized that when you put your all into a guy, in most cases he will start to get bored and take you for granted. Unfortunately, it's the truth. Smart girl -- she figured that out quicker than I did. I think the best thing you can do is play it cool. There's a balance of energy in any relationship. In general, if you step up your intensity, she will pull back. If you stay cool and don't try to compensate for her pullback, she'll be more likely to stay interested.
carhill Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 OK, you've had sex 60 times in two months and see each other "every day" and she now wants to "take it slow". OK, befuddle this addled old farts mind Methinks she's young and action-packed and it's time for a new adventure.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 She doesn't want to settle down. Come on, your relationship started by smashing her the first night you met. She isn't ready for an exclusive relationship.
Author ziddey Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Looks like she's learned her lesson and realized that when you put your all into a guy, in most cases he will start to get bored and take you for granted. Unfortunately, it's the truth. Smart girl -- she figured that out quicker than I did. I think the best thing you can do is play it cool. There's a balance of energy in any relationship. In general, if you step up your intensity, she will pull back. If you stay cool and don't try to compensate for her pullback, she'll be more likely to stay interested. Thanks for the thoughts. Makes sense. Do you mean I should just not initiate seeing her everyday? Or not initiate physical intimacy if we do see eachother? Or wait for her to initiate everything? I don't really want to suddenly change my behavior/attitude and give her the wrong impression that I don't care about her anymore. Shortly after we first met, she said she wanted to keep it casual and take it slow because she had been hurt by a guy through similar circumstances not too long before.... but we both kinda fell for eachother. So I guess this was bound to come up again. The thing that sparked this conversation was that she was late on her period and although she is on the pill and we used condoms MOST of the time, we were kinda freaking out that she might be pregnant. Anyway a home pregnancy test was negative and today she got her period (albeit a few days late). So at least we dont have a baby on the way to complicate things further.
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 and this is where the subject of not dating a one night stand comes in play. lol
Dexter Morgan Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 2 months now and things have been going great. We met at a club and had sex that night. Is she still going to clubs? If so, I'd say you aren't the only guy in the picture.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Bout to put it in my sig. Club chicks are not worth committing to! Just have your fun with them and forget em!
Author ziddey Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Is she still going to clubs? If so, I'd say you aren't the only guy in the picture. I should have specified it was a concert... We both go to a lot of live music shows and now we go together to all these events. I don't think it's an issue of another guy...
St. Nick Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I should have specified it was a concert... We both go to a lot of live music shows and now we go together to all these events. I don't think it's an issue of another guy... Some of the biggest skanks I've met were at music concerts. LOL. I agree with mr. dream merchant. She most likely has some other guy(s) in her life, and she's not ready for commitment.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I should have specified it was a concert... We both go to a lot of live music shows and now we go together to all these events. I don't think it's an issue of another guy... Ok, but it still might be a possibility. thanks for the clarification on the "club" thing. I am not into women that go clubbing. Untrustworthy in my experience.
Author ziddey Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Well assuming its NOT an issue of another guy...as I said earlier I just don't know what she wants me to do/change to start "taking it slow". Especially since we've been doing the opposite this whole time. I guess I should just ask her straight up what she means.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Well assuming its NOT an issue of another guy...as I said earlier I just don't know what she wants me to do/change to start "taking it slow". Especially since we've been doing the opposite this whole time. I guess I should just ask her straight up what she means. If she is sincere because she was hurt by other guys by getting too close to them, maybe you need to find out if there is another guy. Are there times when she goes out without you? I hate the idea of having to play detective, but you might have to so as to eliminate, or confirm, a possibility.
Author ziddey Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 nah, that's the thing....we always go out together. And we love to hang out together. So either we're hanging out together, going out somewhere, or we're working (not together) so I don't really see how there could be another guy. She says I deserve better than her but I tell her she's perfect... I believe her that she doesn't want to get hurt by getting too attached to me and I just want to figure out what to do so she will stop worrying about that and we can have a good relationship
Lindarose84 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 nah, that's the thing....we always go out together. And we love to hang out together. So either we're hanging out together, going out somewhere, or we're working (not together) so I don't really see how there could be another guy. She says I deserve better than her but I tell her she's perfect... I believe her that she doesn't want to get hurt by getting too attached to me and I just want to figure out what to do so she will stop worrying about that and we can have a good relationship BIG RED FLAGS SHOULD BE FALLING ON YOUR HEAD. No one is that selfless, I promise you. I think she may be interested in someone else and is using the "We've gotten so close that I don't want to get attached and you deserve better" routine to snake her way out of things with you without feeling like the bad guy by outright dumping you. Sorry to say it, but it sounds like she's found greener pastures somewhere else. I won't go as far as to say that you can't trust concert/club chicks because I like to do both and I've never cheated a day in my life, but the fact that you two have slept together numerous times and all of a sudden she wants to slow down just seems a little suspect. If I've slept with someone that many times, I've developed deep feelings by now and there is no way I'm trying to take a step back. It's too late for that. At this point it's time to take a step forward and become more serious (speaking as a woman). Honestly I think you need to go NC now.
loser101 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 nah, that's the thing....we always go out together. And we love to hang out together. So either we're hanging out together, going out somewhere, or we're working (not together) so I don't really see how there could be another guy. She says I deserve better than her but I tell her she's perfect... I believe her that she doesn't want to get hurt by getting too attached to me and I just want to figure out what to do so she will stop worrying about that and we can have a good relationship don't listen to the negative old farts on this forum. there is a lot of them here. just talk to her. a lot of people get cold feet and doubt themselves early in a relationship. sounds like it's moving too fast and she wants to slow it down a bit. nothing wrong with that.
carhill Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 OK, fair enough, but beware of a woman who knows you two months "cherishing your friendship", especially if she's been riding your rod every day. Adding, OP, give me two actions in the last week where she proactively cherished your friendship....
loser101 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 OK, fair enough, but beware of a woman who knows you two months "cherishing your friendship", especially if she's been riding your rod every day. Adding, OP, give me two actions in the last week where she proactively cherished your friendship.... I didn't really mean you carhill, you made a fair point. having said that, I was in a relationship once where we got so close so quickly it just felt too intense and needed to take a step back. nothing wrong with that. I just think people shouldn't jump to conclusions too quickly and communicate instead
Author ziddey Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 having said that, I was in a relationship once where we got so close so quickly it just felt too intense and needed to take a step back. nothing wrong with that. I just think people shouldn't jump to conclusions too quickly and communicate instead This is definately the case loser101. She just didnt want us to ruin what we have going. We both feel this way. We're hanging out tonight so we'll see what happens
carhill Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 LOL, I freely admit I'm a conservative old fart. No worries This is the thing with women (and men too). Watch their actions. This is especially true for the young, who don't have the life experience yet to fully understand the ramifications of their actions. I'd have a smile on my face if the OP and his girl scaled back the contact and sex *quantity* but kept the *quality* on the upward curve. This also presumes there are no distractions like other people on the scene (paramours or exes, as examples). The OP's girl was disconnected and hurt by a prior love. She acknowledges that. What steps has she taken to heal herself, absent the distraction of all the attention and sex with the OP? Good question. Sounds like she's dealing with that now. OP, how does she make you feel loved other than having sex with you (and all the lead-in's to that)? Oh, BTW, have you told her you love her?
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