motive2002 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 So I met this woman a few weeks ago and things went kinda fast. We had a couple very nice weekends together and she seems to really like me a whole lot. Now things have gotten complicated. Another woman contacted me through MySpace.. someone I dated in high school. She has been texting me quite a bit and we met in person and sparks were flying all over the place. Now I have to tell the first woman that I've met someone else. What makes it difficult is that it was all so sudden. I think the first woman has gotten quite attached right away, but I have to be honest with her and tell her what's happened. I'm not into two-timing or sneaking around.. and for some reason I feel bad for having met up with someone else despite the fact that no exclusive relationship had been discussed and there were only a couple of really nice dates... I feel like a jerk. What do I do? What can I say?
bean1 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 A lot of women think that sex = exclusivity, so assuming your weekends included that, you may face a bit of a storm (or not?) when you let her know. Hey, she may think you are a jerk at first, but looking back, she will be very appreciative that you told her the truth like a real man. Good luck!
Author motive2002 Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 A lot of women think that sex = exclusivity, so assuming your weekends included that, you may face a bit of a storm (or not?) when you let her know. Hey, she may think you are a jerk at first, but looking back, she will be very appreciative that you told her the truth like a real man. Good luck! Yes there was some sex, hence the "moving fast" part.. and not just sex, GREAT sex. The kind that could make someone want to attach quickly. I really should keep things at a slower pace from now on.. have more self control, but that's really a whole different topic.
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Yes there was some sex, hence the "moving fast" part.. and not just sex, GREAT sex. The kind that could make someone want to attach quickly. I really should keep things at a slower pace from now on.. have more self control, but that's really a whole different topic. Self control? Pshh impossible. You're a guy jk I agree with the above comment, just be completely honest. Any girl would prefer honestly to sneaking around and what might be "cheating" to her. Depending on ya'lls relationship. Honesty is key!
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 PS it'll all work out, just don't expect her to be jumping for joy when you break the news. And I REALLY hope you don't rush into this next one because girl number one could end up as "the one who got away". Be wise don't try to rekindle something from your past. It rarely works.
St. Nick Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Personally, I don't see what's wrong with waiting around and seeing which relationship suits you better. There's no need to cut off one relationship for the other. Go out with both at the same time and see which works out better.
Trialbyfire Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Callously speaking if the two of you haven't had the exclusivity discussion, you're not technically cheating on her. Having said that, IMO, I think that people have an ethical obligation to disclose any form of multi-dating. I know many will disagree with me but that's how I feel. If you tell her, expect the worst. If I were in her shoes and had slept with a man, whereby he then told me he wants to see someone else as well, I would say "Sayonara" and never look back. Realistically speaking though, I would never have sex with a man who I'm not in an exclusive relationship with.
rlindzie Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 ok this would not be the time for honesty. do not tell her that u meet another girl and wanna go with that one. just tell her that you really care and she is great but that you are not the right fit. Just say how wonderful she is and how you had a great time and wish her the best of luck. it suxs and it will hurt her a bt but if you tell her about the other girl that will hurt way more. good luck and your not a jerk
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 You call this a problem?!?!?!?! Yes, it's called an internal ethical battle. Ever had one before?
shockandawed Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Motive, I would strongly suggest you take a deep breath and hold on for a minute. I have had two experiences with loves from high school reappearing. My divorce was caused by my ex wifes high school boyfriend tracking her down and a couple of years later, my high school girlfriend found me on the internet. In both cases, the rush was amazing. We were taken back to our so called glory years. In mine, we chatted for hours and weeks and finally met, and I was euphoric for a while. But reality slowly set in and I soon realized that we were not the same people we were in high school. Same thing happened to my ex wife. Unfortunately for her, it was after our divorce was final. That was 5 years ago, and she still deeply regrets it. Sounds like you really liked the 1st girl until your old flame reappeared. I really wouldn't throw her out quite yet.
boldjack Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Be honest with g#1, tell her you aren't ready to commit and that you have unresolved issues with g#2. Tell g#1 that you had thought it was over between you and g#2, but that she had recently returned to the scene. Make sure that g#1 knows that this was unexpected and you did nothing to encourage g#2. G#1 will probably tell you to take a hike, but at least you tried to be honest without being a bastard.
BobSacamento Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Yes, it's called an internal ethical battle. Ever had one before? Cute! But seriously I have no sympathy for someone having two people coming after them so to waste energy on trying to find a way where he can have his cake and eat it too is pointless.
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Cute! But seriously I have no sympathy for someone having two people coming after them so to waste energy on trying to find a way where he can have his cake and eat it too is pointless. I now see your perspective, although that's not the way I took Motive's dilemma.
loveslife Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Actually, statistically speaking there's a very high percentage of high school sweethearts who meet up later in life where it works out great.
socialight Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 motive, in situations like this, if you are deterrmined to have a go at it with the new girl, don't worry about the old girl liking you or hurting her feelings -- do and say the truth so that you are respected by both parties. If you are direct and a man about it, she will respect you afterwords, even if she is very sad now, and in the long run that is the way to go.
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