wishingonastar Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I'm 23 (24 in June) and my boyfreind is 47 (48 in April). We both live on our own (I rent and he owns his own house), have good full time jobs and we are very much in love. We will have been "officially" going out for 1 year on 12th April although have been talking/getting to know each other for slightly longer than that. I have always wanted to get married and have had 2 men propose to me up until now in previous relationships, I said no both times as I knew they weren't right for me and we split up. Now I have met the man of my dreams who I would say yes to without even blinking (!) there doesn't seem to be any sign of a proposal around the corner! He says he loves me and wants to be with me forever, why won't he make the next move? I remember we were once laying together one night talking about relationships and he said "well I think you should be with somebody for at least a couple of years and then make the next move" - is he saying that to put things on hold or does he really not want to get married? I have a feeling he's done this before? He's 47 and has never been married with no children, I don't want to judge him because of that but can't help thinking there's some truth in it? ! I'm going out of my mind and I'm dying to give him an ultimatum but I don't think that's fair and I don't want to lose him, I love him. Help !
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 It comes down to this: which is more important, your relationship with him or marriage? If he is 47 and never married, you can bet that there is a reason, and the chances of him changing at this point in his life are pretty slim. What if he told you that he never wants to marry? Would you give up the man you love because he won't bend to the institution of marriage?
Els Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 You're 23, you've only been together a year, and you want him to propose to you!? Are you sure you even want to get married? What are your reasons? Have you even thought through what marriage entails, read about people who have problems and divorce after that, thought about how much you know of yourself and whether or not you're even ready to make a lifetime commitment? I don't know, but I just see huge red flags flying everywhere... from YOUR side, not his.
rod_in_gtown Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 It's hard for a more experienced man to trust that a 23 year old woman knows what she wants out of life, he's already telling you that you need to realize who you are and where you're going before you commit to a lifetime together. He probably already knows this, and it's normally not something we can put into words. I don't doubt that you love each other but marriage is hard enough without the huge age difference and he's already got about 25 years on you. I mean, you could perfectly well be his daughter. From his perspective (and I'm not putting words in his mouth) you are a child (and I don't mean this in an offensive way), what guarantees does he have that in 5 years you won't find a 28 year old that can party like a rock star and leave him hanging with a family?
Not the love ace Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I have to agree with everyone here. Especially Rod in Growth. Lucrezia I am a Silent Hill fanatic by the way.
loser101 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I agree with Rod as well. sounds like you want marriage as a lifestyle anyway and that's a sign of your immaturity. if you put the ultimatum to him he will probably leave you.
mental_traveller Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 You're 23 so you will probably change a LOT in the next few years with your outlook on life. He's in his late 40s so won't change much, most likely. He probably quite sensibly wants to wait and see how you change. Secondly, he may well not want to get married in general. If he did he'd probably have tried it by now. So you'll have to decide if you're prepared to be with him if married is not on the cards.
Trialbyfire Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 A 47 year old man who's never been married with no children, who's dating a 23 year old woman. Hmmm...OP, doesn't that suggest anything to you? Sounds to me like the kind of guy who's not terribly interested in marriage. Big RED flags!
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 A 47 year old man who's never been married with no children, who's dating a 23 year old woman. Hmmm...OP, doesn't that suggest anything to you? Sounds to me like the kind of guy who's not terribly interested in marriage. Big RED flags! Nowadays, being not interested in marriage could be a sign of wisdom rather than a red flag. What man or woman wants to get raped in divorce court, cheated on, or unable to have a healthy sex life? That seems to be the outcome of most marriages in the west.
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Nowadays, being not interested in marriage could be a sign of wisdom rather than a red flag. What man or woman wants to get raped in divorce court, cheated on, or unable to have a healthy sex life? That seems to be the outcome of most marriages in the west.A pretty cynical attitude and one that's prevalent on LS. Not surprising considering that almost all members came to LS due to relationship/marital issues. The difference is that some members move on from their bitterness and others don't. I can see you're of the latter, therefore, should be taken with a grain of salt.
bean1 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 We will have been "officially" going out for 1 year on 12th April although have been talking/getting to know each other for slightly longer than that. Too soon to ask for marriage! I know it's hard, I started wanting to ask him after 8-9 months too, but in reality it is a bit too soon to ask for marriage. Hold tight!
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