DrumMajor13 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I had been talking to this guy who flat out told me that he really liked me. There was a lot of flirting, we talked almost every day (via text due to us having opposite schedules, my 4 days on were his 4 days off)... this went on for a month or so... phone calls and texts every day, mostly initiated by him. He continued to build my ego, tell me how great he thought i was and continued with the flirting... he asked if he could take me to dinner sometime and i said i'd love to. ...but we couldn't wait for the schedule to rotate so we would have a day off together... so finally (after over a month of this) after work one day, he asked me to hang out and come watch a movie with him (i get off at 0300).. he promised to be a "perfect gentleman" blah blah... so i went over and watched a movie... we cuddled but that's as far as it went. We talked a lot and he told me it had been awhile since he had been with anyone, and hinted that he was looking for something serious... i tried to keep it light (as it was only the 4th time we had hung out). The next night, same deal, he asked if i'd like to come over again after work and i said yeah and we watched a movie... this time it got a little heavier, we ended up making out on the couch... but didn't go very far... he wanted it to go farther clearly, as he tried to take my pants off... but i decided i wanted to take it slow with him, because i really liked him... anyway, after i left that night, he texted me goodnight etc.. and another text the next morn as i was getting to work... after that i didn't hear from him for a week... so i asked him how it was going... he responded right away, said it was going good and he was headed to a game with his friends... so i immediately said "have a great time, i'll ttyl".. since he was wtih his friends. He contacted me again about a week later just to say hey what's up, but disappeared in the middle of the conversation and never responded to my last msg. AFter that i contacted him two more times, just with casual messages saying hey how are you or something similar... both times he responded right away... the first time he stopped responding mid convo... and the second time he said he'd text me later as he was with a friend... and never did... It's pretty obvious he ditched me. Very unfortunate because he seemed like such a great guy and told me flat out how much he liked me and was dying to get to know me better... Yes, i realize i'm overly analytical and texting is not the best way to go about this stuff... the texting was basically the only way to communicate while working opposite 12 hour-day work weeks... we now have two days off together every week (of course, now that he's disappeared, go figure, right?) but What did i do wrong? Or better yet, am i completely misinterpreting this?
gd26 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I'm sorry about this. I have been ditched as well by men I was dating (the same 180 degree change of heart)... so I know that it is devastating. It's mildly traumatic in a way, as it can damage one's self-esteem and make you question yourself. That's how I felt when I was going through that. From what you've written, it does seem that this guy wasn't really all that interested in you. It seems like he didn't like you as much as you liked him, but he was mostly just looking for sex. I know he said all kinds of nice things about being interested in you, but people will say things like that if they are hoping to have sex. I hope I'm not being hurtful for saying this, but that's how I see things from your post... so I would like to be blunt about it. My only suggestion for you is to hold your head up high and move forward. Don't let one loser's opinion of you make you feel lousy about yourself. It doesn't matter what he thinks of you. Just because one guy isn't into you doesn't mean you aren't a great person to be with. I remember back in 2007, some guy (who wasn't all that great) totally rejected me after being into me initially. I was really hurt by it at the time... as the guy wasn't all that to begin with. I internalized the whole thing and thought "wow, if this guy who is such a loser rejected me.... then I must be even more of a loser than he is." Of course I didn't say that to myself, but on some level that's how I felt. Then the following year I meet another guy who is waayyyyy cuter, way more successful and more intelligent than the first guy... and the second guy is really into me! It just goes to show that just because a jerk rejects you doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. Just accept that he isn't all that interested in you (for more than sex), and don't run after him... as he clearly isn't the right person for you. Maybe the next person you'll date will be way better than this guy is.... and you'll be so glad that you didn't spend your time trying to get this guy back!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 He was lost in a fog of hormones and when you started to become a real person he lost interest. It sucks when this happens. It's certainly happened to me before. Try not to take it too personally. I know that's hard because it feels very personal, but just remember that after only a few "dates" (I put that in quotes because you saw him but he didn't take you out) he still doesn't know you all that well. The texting back and forth is just desire, the fawning over you his mating call. If you continued to spend time with this guy you would eventually get bored. Turn the tables. Time to move on and forget about this guy.
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