gavinus Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 My ex did not treat me too good, then she dumped me. I told her I loved her and because I love her I am letting her go to be happy without me. I wanna contact her but am posting here instead, thanks for advice in advance. It is the hardest thing to let someone go you love , but I realize if I contact her and tell her how I feel I am invalidating that last statement. We went out 3 years and have been split 7 weeks. NC for 3 weeks, no mention of getting back from her , trying to keep strong
FairyTale73 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Gavinus,you are really very generous . Try to keep yourself strong . Though just once (make a matching time for this) you are to tell her about your feelings as sometimes we may lose much if we do not express all we feel ... then no one will know of it even if they do feel same .
Author gavinus Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 she knows how i feel, she just doesn't care All the times I supported her, she invalidated by saying I am a rescuer and I need therapy. If I contact her to tell her how I feel, it is only going to feed her I think . The problem was she told me horrible stuff when we split she said in order for me to get over her.
FairyTale73 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Then you have the asnwer yourself . Move on . You love , but you love someone whose heart does not belong you any more . Do not keep her either in yours . Just move on . Your soul is hurt and your heart is wounded,but you are the master of yourself ,so make her a sweet memory , but just a memory, the past ,not the present . As you need it such,you need it so to live your life . Life is given once . So live it ,Gavinus .
simpledevotion Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I could do that too. You inspire me Gavinus for your strength. Wish I could get to that point. How do you do it?
Donovan Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 it's hard man. it's not that easy. i remember being emotionally wrecked for like 3 years after my ex became who she was and started cheating. but i had to respect myself. if you were very good to her, then she'll recognize her mistakes and realize, even if it takes a year or so, that she cant' get anyone like u and feel guilty. Then she'll want to get back with you when she figures out she'll never get another like you again. It will be all up to you then if you want to go thru all of that again or walk away.
Author gavinus Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I realize that my ex has made me the scapegoat for her problems. And I admit that my last contact with her reaffirmed in her mind it was wise to dump me because I came across upset, needy etc. I miss her every day and want to tell her I love her and take me back but she told me, she doesn't want to be with me, so I will stick to my word and not contact her again because I said to her I want her to be happy even if its not with me. Its hard, cry every week, type her emails, texts...but never send them. Every day jump up and down and yell "its not fair". So when I feel weak and wanna pour out my heart and soul to her and ask her back (which is putting my needs before her) I speak to family, friends and get support from all the great people on this site. I think if I can help one person with their relationship stuff from my mistakes, then at least all of this pain has some value.
confused11 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 gavinus...way to be strong! 3 weeks NC also...so hard bc all you want to do is hear from them but they don't want to hear from us. I know how you feel though bout wanting to use your experience to give others insight, i feel like when i post to others trying to help them, I am also helping myself. From your posts, you just seem like such a caring person, if your ex actually faults you for being the caring person you are, then she doesn't even deserve you anyway. I know right now hearing that doesn't make you feel any better because you still love her, but in time, you will see.
Author gavinus Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 thanks, but if you ask her I am sure she will say I am not that caring. I tried for 3 years to address her anger with her, I failed and now she blames me for it and according to her I needed therapy for being a rescuer and I should stop trying to save her, I tried to tell her it was because I loved her...she didn't believe me, so in the end I became the villain.I know she is getting on fine, I suppose its easy for her because in her mind I was a bad bet now she can go and be happy. All I want is for the pain to go, I will be happy for that.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 thanks, but if you ask her I am sure she will say I am not that caring. I tried for 3 years to address her anger with her, I failed and now she blames me for it and according to her I needed therapy for being a rescuer and I should stop trying to save her, I tried to tell her it was because I loved her...she didn't believe me, so in the end I became the villain.I know she is getting on fine, I suppose its easy for her because in her mind I was a bad bet now she can go and be happy. All I want is for the pain to go, I will be happy for that. I believe that you can move on from this situation. It's not fair for her to keep blaming you for her problems when all this time you were being supportive and a boyfriend. You deserve nothing but the best, yet she is making you feel like you should be punished for being a great person. In time the pain will go away. Try to stop thinking about her or anyone else right now but to think about "YOU" first.
squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 aw, that's a tough boat youre in, but if u think of it this way... your steps ahead of me! i admire the fact that you were able to end an unsuitable relationship and were brave enough to face the world on your own! judging by how you answered my post, you have a great head on your shoulders and will meet many others more deserving of you! NC is so scary for me at this point but you seem to be doing well. we ALL have our pitfalls... keep your head up and be strong..get out there and live it up!
Author gavinus Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 thanks for your support! NC is hard some days, but one fact of life....it does go on.
squirtle Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 yeah it sure does... one thing about the crappy moments is that they make the good ones all the more sweeter. i know NC is the route that i will have to go. is it really as hard as we build it up to be? and how did you know what is what u had to do??
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