victim_of_love Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 This girl and I have been talking for a while, since college started in September. After a while, we became the best of friends. We've eat lunch together, studied together, talked about a lot of stuff, texted one another, you name it. When we needed advice with something, we were there to give it one another. After sometime, we started getting really close. Her waves turned into hugs, she started telling me some really deep secrets about her, and all that. And vice-versa with me to her. Hell, I even got a chance to meet her parents! Not once, but twice! She came to my church to see me play and I went to her chorale concert to see her sing. We were on the verge of becoming a couple. But ever since we've returned to school over the break, she has been acting really different to me. She has not been talking to me all that much, even tho we see each other everyday. Our schedules are different, but we have like 2 classes together. We still don't talk. I try talking to her, but she either appears to ignore me or hardly even make an effort to talk to me. She talks to other people more than me, which really gets to me. Hell, one time I tried to go talk to her at lunch when she was sitting by herself; she said hi and all that but she soon got up and left to talk to someone else. So later that day, I sent her a message on facebook asking, why are you acting like this? What's going on? What did I do? And she sent me a message back telling me that "You've been acting really clingy/attached lately and its pushing me over the edge. I don't like it. What happens if we do go out? How do I know you won't get worst and act all stalkerish? I am going through a lot of things right now and I don't want to talk to you right now." And that really caught me off guard...... I had sometime to think about it, and I've found out she was right. I've pretty much texted her everyday, I've sent her messages lots of times on facebook, I send her some on myspace too. All that along with me talking to her at school, I guess I have been crowding her a lot.... so I decided to be the mature one and give her space....no texting...no messages....no nothing....I pretty much ghosted her. After about a few weeks lately, long and behold, we are talking again. It wasn't as good as it was in the past, but we started having conversations at least. Most of the time it was passing convos, "hi, how are you?" or "how was your day?", then there are some long convos about stuff like abortions and random stuff we dorks talk about, haha. We went out to a masquerade party with some of our friends and I danced with her [ after her date left her for someone else] and I gave her a flower, she liked it so much that she went the rest of the night happy. Then on valentine's day I made her an instrumental of her favorite rock band and she loved it, she said it made her day. Everything was going well again. Now just when I think things are going well, guess what happens? She starts treating me like crap! What the hell?? Now she like shows no interesting in me no more. She talks to me coldly, and she shows low interest in me trying to be friendly to her, or show her affection. There was even this one day after one of our speech nights, she came out and just started hugging everybody, and then just came up to me and was like: "No thanks". Even on facebook when I comment on her status's she would respond with "thx....." or "cool....", but other people would respond and she would be like "oooooooh thank yooooooooouuuuuuuuu"...... I can't tell you guys how many times I stopped being her friend...and then came running right back to her...only for her to treat me badly again... However, despite her treating me lowly, I am constantly going back to her and trying to be friendly, show her some affection, and try to be there for her. But everytime I do, I am constantly getting rejected.....I don't know what to do now....I am tired of this heartache but at the same time I want us to work out.....what should I do? Please lend me some advice.
redant Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I'm sorry for your situation. You have to be direct with what you are looking for. I think you have showed her you are interested, but she may not be feeling the same emotions. She likes you and your friendship now. If you want more than a friendship youneed to be clear with her. If she is not interested then I thinks you should give your heart elsewhere.
Author victim_of_love Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Yeah, it looks like it. Still, how do you break away from someone when you really don't want to? I've tried to many times before....but I just keep going back.
headlesschicken Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 first you're not a victim of love or circumstance or anything. you're a victim only of yourself, so stop the nonsense. how do you do it? just do it. just stop letting yourself get walked all over! you're setting yourself up to get hurt and then acting bewildered when it happens again, and again.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Ok. 1.) Get over her. She's just a chick. Lots of prettier, sexier, thicker, friendlier, freakier ones out there who will give you the time of the day and enjoy your company. 2.) Stop putting her on a pedastool son. When you do that and a chick knows it, they abuse you for whatever they want. **** that, treat her like a regular person. She isn't special. 3. Go out with the boys man. Go to the bar, or the club, get a loose ass freak or two on your arms and have fun with them. Stop making this broad who isn't even being friendly with you the center of your universe. Worst mistake ever. 4. Try this. Next time you're in her company. Talk/treat her like its a privelege for her to even be communicating with you, you are the prize, not her. Put yourself and your needs before her man, come on. She's just a female, one out of millions.
Author victim_of_love Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Headlesschicken, thanks for your input, but it is not that simple. If she was just some whore off the street or like any other regular girl, yes it would be simple. Obviously, it is not. She is someone I became very close to and it is not easy for me to just "stop" liking her, because like I said before, I have strong feelings for her. I don't know how you can do that to someone you care about, but that is not me. Mr. Dream Merchant - It seems like I may have to resort to that. I don't usually treat women like such, but apparently she is not treating me so well and I may have to treat her the same way back. I cannot continue to let her do me that way; even if I care.
Hurting. Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 She's taking you for an idiot to be honest and doesn't seem to be showing too much concern for you or your emotions. Fair enough her telling you to back off a bit, but i don't think from reading that you 2 are ever going to have a lasting long relationship. As you like her, you're just looking at her and all her good points, pick out all the pain shes causing you and her bad points, and as above poster said, (and it isn't easy). let her be the one to talk to you, and not feel like you are chasing her, let her chase you, if she doesn't. Forget her, she sounds pretty ignorant.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Headlesschicken, thanks for your input, but it is not that simple. If she was just some whore off the street or like any other regular girl, yes it would be simple. Obviously, it is not. She is someone I became very close to and it is not easy for me to just "stop" liking her, because like I said before, I have strong feelings for her. I don't know how you can do that to someone you care about, but that is not me. Mr. Dream Merchant - It seems like I may have to resort to that. I don't usually treat women like such, but apparently she is not treating me so well and I may have to treat her the same way back. I cannot continue to let her do me that way; even if I care. Trust me it'll work. If she's anything like I think she is, she'll come back to you on a friendlier needier note when you put an end to all the special affection you give her. Usually the case with stuck up broads with an entitlement complex. Just play with her head and emotions, get what you want from her. Or you can be like me, be anything and everything she wants through your wordplay. Why you think my name is Mr. Dream Merchant? Read the signature then apply it to women. I'm out.
TheBigQuestion Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 My advice to you can be summed up in one sentence... No woman who does this to you repeatedly is worth the trouble...ever. It's not easy to cut someone out of your life who you really care about, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself. It's hard at first, but it's better than having this sort of thing drag out. I tried that with an ex once and it was not the best idea. I would've been over her many months faster otherwise. At least for the time being, you need to ignore her completely.
Author victim_of_love Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 Yeah, you guys are really speaking to me right now. I'm reading everything you guys are saying and it makes sense. I have been letting her walk all over me, and I may need to be cold to her to let her know she can't do that to me. If she wants to walk out of my life, then it is probably for the best. I've done nothing to her to deserve this treatment.
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