Ricky Martin Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 My girlfriend: - Always complains about how bad her life is - Doesn't appreciate expensive gifts - Had sex with me - 2 months ago, 4 times in the last 6 months - Anytime I try to kiss or show her affection, she isn't interested - Always talks about how "fat" she is - Can't take a joke - Pays no rent - Doesn't talk about or discuss her job - Gets angry at me if I spend time with my friends - Complains about spending time with my family - Doesn't talk about her family - doesn't make me a part of her family - Complains anytime she cooks, tells me my food sucks if I cook, refuses to eat if I want to make myself something and she doesn't like it - Calls me nasty and says she doesn't want to be with me when she is angry - Pushes me to my breaking point - Has nothing in common with me. It has been 2 and a half years now - why am I still here?
Citizen Erased Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 It has been 2 and a half years now - why am I still here? Because it's easier to stay. No matter how horrible this person is to you, no matter how dissatisfied you are, it's easier than ending it. I've just recently been there, it took me about a year and a half (yeah, I know, I'm a complete wimp) to finally accept it was over, that I was done. It was hard, but the sense of relief I now feel made it worth it. And now I don't have to be a complete hypocrite when I tell people to "just break up with them already!" For the record she calls herself fat so you'll compliment her and dislikes you having an attachment to anyone else but herself so dislikes your family. The rest just makes it stupid for you to stay.
johan Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I hope that question is rhetorical. Your choice to be with someone who has so little to offer you says more about you than it does her. Or else you're just pointing out the negative, and she actually has traits you find attractive. If that's the case, then you're just not being fair to her.
Author Ricky Martin Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Ricky Martin? I didn't think he dated women. For some reason that was the first name that popped in my head for a forum name. I really wanted to post to blow off steam. I just don't get why I do this to myself, this is going no where. Ugh - it just annoys the **** out of me when I try to do nice things for someone and they never appreciate it. I just hate how I actually make an effort in our relationship. We're going on vacation in a few weeks, I booked a hotel - instead of being excited about the trip, she got mad about the hotel not being good enough. Because you know a 4 star hotel isn't good enough right if it's a block away from where you wanted to stay? Plus, you have to love people who complain about a FREE HOTEL.
Author Ricky Martin Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Plus, I'm stubborn. I can't ever give up on anything. She lives in my apartment, she complains about me all the time - why doesn't she just leave? I wouldn't try to stop her.
D-Lish Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Why take her on vacation and stay with her? Why remain miserable? You don't even like this woman much, let alone love her... What's going on that you feel you can't leave her and find someone that makes you happy?
Beautiful Inside Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 My girlfriend: - Always complains about how bad her life is - Doesn't appreciate expensive gifts - Had sex with me - 2 months ago, 4 times in the last 6 months - Anytime I try to kiss or show her affection, she isn't interested - Always talks about how "fat" she is - Can't take a joke - Pays no rent - Doesn't talk about or discuss her job - Gets angry at me if I spend time with my friends - Complains about spending time with my family - Doesn't talk about her family - doesn't make me a part of her family - Complains anytime she cooks, tells me my food sucks if I cook, refuses to eat if I want to make myself something and she doesn't like it - Calls me nasty and says she doesn't want to be with me when she is angry - Pushes me to my breaking point - Has nothing in common with me. It has been 2 and a half years now - why am I still here? its true sometimes people rather be with someone who is miserable then be alone....i know ive been guilty of staying with someone i was way already over them like over a year im talking and i stayed cause its better then being alone....and i was 20 back then but what happened was i met someone else and broke it off with him finally i know its ****ed up but im sharing this with you so hopefully you can take that into consideration....hope this helps....
LostLamb Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Plus, I'm stubborn. I can't ever give up on anything. She lives in my apartment, she complains about me all the time - why doesn't she just leave? I wouldn't try to stop her. You wouldn't try to stop her if she left? Why on earth are you taking her on holiday and paying for the "privilege"?! Are you sure you're not guilty of liking the drama? Or want to find a way to fix things but are too stubborn to speak up? Your self esteem can't be that low , your posts are well written and you realise you are in a living hell.
RecordProducer Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 You're both madly in love with each other! Latino couple? :love:
CandyGirlXO Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Yeah I am confused as well. Why are you taking her on vacation if she is so ungrateful and you can't stand her? Are you hoping that she changes and appreciates it? The only way this can get better is by talking to her about it. If things don't get better, then leave. I too have stayed in a loveless relationship. I told him what needed to be changed, but by then I was already out of love that it was just too late. Took me a year to leave, but I know it was for the best.
Author Ricky Martin Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 You wouldn't try to stop her if she left? Why on earth are you taking her on holiday and paying for the "privilege"?! Are you sure you're not guilty of liking the drama? Or want to find a way to fix things but are too stubborn to speak up? Your self esteem can't be that low , your posts are well written and you realise you are in a living hell. I don't have low self esteem. I'm not really scared of being alone, I mean deep down, yeah, our lives are entangled. We live together - we have the same friends, etc. It would be a pain in the ass to move out. Maybe I am guilty of liking the drama. In some weird sick way. But honestly, at this point in my life - the drama is getting old. I'd rather just have someone to hang out with and have a positive atmosphere. I've really stepped in up in the last six months or so in trying to show that I care about her. I just always thought I'd be able to make her happy, but it just doesn't seem to work. No matter what I do - she finds fault in it. I have more to say but I have to run, I will post more later. Thanks for the feedback, I really don't mind anyone being brutally honest.
griffy Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 It seems to me that your girlfriend is miserable in the relationship as well. People who are happy don't act like her. You asked "why doesn't she just leave?" I have a feeling she's asking the same thing about you! I think she's saying pretty clearly that she wants you to end this relationship so she won't have to, just as you'd rather her just leave. I mean, do you really think the relationship can be salvaged? Do you really want to stay with her? (And if you answer yes, then you two have the difficult and emotional task of figuring out how to fix it and than actually fixing it.) She doesn't pay rent, so in a sense she has good thing going right now. That might me hard for her to give up, especially if it would be difficult for her to afford rent/bills on her own. I think your relationship has become a contest to see who can endure misery the longest. This is one contest you don't want to win. I was where you are for 3 yrs and I "won." My ex ended up hurting me badly by doing terrible things to finally get out of the relationship, but it shouldn't have gotten to that point. I should have just ended it way before it got so bad, and before it got to where I started to hate him and lose respect for him. (And I'm sure he felt the same way about me.) Sometimes relationships don't work, even when you want them to, even when you love the other person. Really, I can't imagine loving someone more than my ex (who I also dislike more than anyone), but we just weren't compatible. I still miss him, but I feel a lot of relief and a lot less anxiety and sadness.
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