seperation?

[kykadekam]

Hi my name is JIM and i need all the advice/ help i can get on what to do?

 

I have the greatest life i could ever wish for. married with the most loving person i always wanted had kids with her and just lived the life you wanted. Yes you have your problems and good times but what is it when one day she says to you she wants to be seperated? She tells you ITS NOT YOU its ME? but when you aks all the millions of questions most of them is all about you and how you are?

 

What are you supposed to do or think of this? My heart fell and still never returned. How long would this last? what is she trying to say? what should i do? how much more should i cry? what do i tell my 3 loving kids? what or how do i react at work? where do i go?

 

Im hurt,lost,sad,confused but most of all brain dead. I feel as my life just went upside down in seconds. with all this going around with our economy what am i to do?

 

This pain i feel just lingers inside and wont go away!!!:(It hurts so bad the tears i cry just cant stop burning! loojing at my kids sleeping or laughing or just watching TV makes me fall to my knees and ask god why? What did i do wrong even though my wife says its not me? What do i do to carry on?

 

I spoke with freinds and family but none ever have the words or medicine to help ez the pain. She said she loved me and dont wont a divorce but but hates me and wants to seperate? what kind of **** is that?

 

I went to work day in and day out came home cooked dinner and shower the kids wash clothes and always asked her how was her day with a kiss welcome home? You try to conversate but she dont want or she does but answers montues later like your talking to a brick wall? You put the kids to bed and come down and try to converste but yet she still dont want or she does but ends it with straight forward answers like she dont want to hear and dam thing.

 

You hold all of it inside so no arguements would happen, and hope she just had a bad day. You dont think anything because she is always home same time and theres nothing that has changed but her attitude torwards you. What does this mean? what do i do? I love her and only wish my love for her would get stronger to overcome what shes going threw to love me back the way i do.

 

I hope you all understand what im going threw and have advice that couyld help me threw this hard times i have never been threw in my whole 28 years. i been married 6 years but been together 13years. alot of love and memories to throw away

[Nomad1]

Someone said, when you are going through hell, just keep walking! (I think Churchill said this). Read the hundreds of threads on this forum. She is following the same script! It is amazing how similar the patterns are. Often the confused betrayed spouse is in turmoil, bewildered and not knowing what has happened. S/he simply can't imagine that their loved one would stray and would swear that s/he would not be capable of breaking the marriage vows. Then other posters would urge him to investigate, within weeks it comes to light that there is indeed a third party involved and that the marriage is over. Unbelievable isn't it?

 

One thing for sure is that you will go through hell, you will become irrational, you might even indulge in self-destructive acts, eg. drinking, sleeping around etc. Do what you have to do, but you will come out of the other end, stronger and reloaded!

 

Be strong man! She does not deserve a minute of your anguish. Let her go! Encourage her to go! What kind of person would destroy a family when there has been no abuse, no addiction, simply because they suddenly realise that they are unhappy? Well, they only feel unhappy when they begin to dream about happiness with someone else.

 

Take care man.

 

Nomad1

[imagine]

With a walk away wife check her contacts first. Snoop.

 

A woman nags then stops and then endures the pain she feels. Meet her emotional needs. If she wont tell you, figure it out. She wants action not words to change her mind.

 

Go to the articles of marriagebuilders.com to get a sheet of questions to establish a persons emotional needs.

[wifesgone]

Sorry to here that. I am in the same boat right now. My wife just left 7 weeks ago with no warning. Classic walk away wife sydrone, read up on it. Others will swear she is cheating but only you and her trully know. You would know, its just a gut feeling.

She has since told me she loves me but not like she used to. At first I begged and pleaded, trying to get her to come back. If she trully wants to leave, you may as well hang it up. SHe is going to go no matter what you do or say. Let her go. You will only cause yourself more pain. YOu will go crazy sitting at home worrying yourself. Get out do things for yourself, do stuff with your kids. Don't mope around feeling sorry for yourself. You can probably get her back but it will take time. I can tell you before she comes home or files for divorce you will have feelings running in 10 million directions. You cannot let it bring you down and affect you. I did and I was misserable. Only in the last 2 weeks have I realized this. Take this time to work on yourself. Fix your problems, everyone has them, if she comes back good, if not you will have learned from your mistakes and won't make them again in future relationships. Don't be oblivious to your problems. Take a long hard look at yourself, she is I guarantee you, unless she is a heartless bitch, and from what you have described she isn't.

Protect yourself. She chose to leave. Lay down rules, change the locks, close bank accounts, do not let her clean out the house, dont let her leave her stuff at the house. Make her think, she chose to leave now show her the door. Act as though you are moving on with your life. DOn't call her 50 times a day, don't email her begging her to come home, don't leave her notes, don't give her gifts, do not make it easy on her. Let her see her mistake, what she is loosing.

May I also suggest if you can get her to agree to watching it. "Fireproof" It is a great movie and a book to go along with it. You can learn alot from it, I know I did. YOu will probably see things in the movie that you haven't seen before about yourself.

 

I am no professional. I am just relaying things I have figured out over the last 7 weeks. It is hard, but you will live. You will get through it and be a better person in the end, whether she comes back or you find someone else.

BE STRONG!!!!! DO NOT LET HER SEE YOU ARE HURTING!!!! She doesn't want a man that is dependent on her, at least mine doesn't. I will also warn you, even if you feel like it is getting better, don't give in, don't start begging her to come back. It doesn't work, trust me.

[seibert253]

Sorry to here that. I am in the same boat right now. My wife just left 7 weeks ago with no warning. Classic walk away wife sydrone, read up on it. Others will swear she is cheating but only you and her trully know. You would know, its just a gut feeling.

She has since told me she loves me but not like she used to. At first I begged and pleaded, trying to get her to come back. If she trully wants to leave, you may as well hang it up. SHe is going to go no matter what you do or say. Let her go. You will only cause yourself more pain. YOu will go crazy sitting at home worrying yourself. Get out do things for yourself, do stuff with your kids. Don't mope around feeling sorry for yourself. You can probably get her back but it will take time. I can tell you before she comes home or files for divorce you will have feelings running in 10 million directions. You cannot let it bring you down and affect you. I did and I was misserable. Only in the last 2 weeks have I realized this. Take this time to work on yourself. Fix your problems, everyone has them, if she comes back good, if not you will have learned from your mistakes and won't make them again in future relationships. Don't be oblivious to your problems. Take a long hard look at yourself, she is I guarantee you, unless she is a heartless bitch, and from what you have described she isn't.

Protect yourself. She chose to leave. Lay down rules, change the locks, close bank accounts, do not let her clean out the house, dont let her leave her stuff at the house. Make her think, she chose to leave now show her the door. Act as though you are moving on with your life. DOn't call her 50 times a day, don't email her begging her to come home, don't leave her notes, don't give her gifts, do not make it easy on her. Let her see her mistake, what she is loosing.

May I also suggest if you can get her to agree to watching it. "Fireproof" It is a great movie and a book to go along with it. You can learn alot from it, I know I did. YOu will probably see things in the movie that you haven't seen before about yourself.

 

I am no professional. I am just relaying things I have figured out over the last 7 weeks. It is hard, but you will live. You will get through it and be a better person in the end, whether she comes back or you find someone else.

BE STRONG!!!!! DO NOT LET HER SEE YOU ARE HURTING!!!! She doesn't want a man that is dependent on her, at least mine doesn't. I will also warn you, even if you feel like it is getting better, don't give in, don't start begging her to come back. It doesn't work, trust me.

 

Best advise I've read in a long time.

Sounds to me she's found another. Time to investigate. Keylogger on computers, detailed billing on her cell phone. Hire a PI if needed. You never mentioned if you suspected there was someone else but I feel inside you suspect this.

I'm sorry, but not many wives will walk away from the home and children to be alone. There's usually someone else in the picture.

Good Luck and God Bless

[wifesgone]

Best advise I've read in a long time.

Sounds to me she's found another. Time to investigate. Keylogger on computers, detailed billing on her cell phone. Hire a PI if needed. You never mentioned if you suspected there was someone else but I feel inside you suspect this.

I'm sorry, but not many wives will walk away from the home and children to be alone. There's usually someone else in the picture.

Good Luck and God Bless

 

 

My wife did. I have come to find out she is living with her sister who is worthless. She is trying to help her out, while we are separated. That is her someone else.

[kykadekam]

Thank you very much for the kind words and advice. i came home today and my some 12yr was asking me am i leaving? I broke down and asked where did he hear this from? he told me he heard us talking because he got up to us the restroom and overheard everything. he said he didnt want another dad and he didnt want us to leave eachother! i cried and fell to the ground because i was speachless and hurt that he felt that way.

 

I had to comfort him for sometime and his mother aint here to also expalin what is going on. I'm lost guys! i feel as if he will hate me for us not trying but i told him i am doing everything in my power to try to get things the way it should be! But if i fail it dont mean i gave up...it just means its taking longer then i expected and i will still try. That is all i can say then to tell a lie that will haunt me the rest of my life and his.

 

My 2 youger kids wont understand this moment as they are only 2 and 4. Its sadden that there mom to me is only thinking of her self and nothing else matters.

 

Thank you again and i feel more confident in some ways but still lost like a headless chicken.