What the hell???

[Isolde]

Unfortunately, this happens all too often.

 

Yeah, it does. I posted a thread about how men with rings on their fingers give me far more "interested" gazes and smiles when I'm out and about. I haven't actually been approached by any for dating, but I've heard enough horror stories.

[alphamale]

This is one of the things men do that I don't understand. Why get married if you are just going to date other women "on the side"??? It's selfish, disrespectful to all involved. To think that a single woman would get involved with you despite, or because of the fact you're married or, turning it around, that you're entitled to date every interesting woman you meet even though you're married--just UGH.

every relationship is a two-way street sister....why don't you also blame those female home-wreckers who have relations with married men???

 

if these married men were having sex with these women against their will they'd all be in prison for rape

[Isolde]

every relationship is a two-way street sister....why don't you also blame those female home-wreckers who have relations with married men???

 

 

Of course women are to blame as well but the OP's main subject was this online guy wanting to date her and telling her on the first date he was married

[alphamale]

Of course women are to blame as well but the OP's main subject was this online guy wanting to date her and telling her on the first date he was married

if she is aware she "attracts" married men (thru no fault of her own ) then why did not she ask him if he was married before going out with him?

[Butterflying]

I agree. But the conversation was more like a debate. I was so disgusted after he told me he was married that I just had to ask. I didn't pour drink on him. But the dinner ended early. I left him with the tab. And I am certain that he will not be contacting me ever again!

 

My standards are quite simple. Perhaps I need to broaden my search geographically. But even the single men who share my interest and abilities have at least one of two other women they are interested in. And that leads to a competative game that I'm not willing to play.

 

Did you think you could change his mind by debating him, because the thought of a wife at home and maybe some kids isnt enough to get him to do the right thing. HAHA!

 

Also, you should read what you write, you said EVEN the single guys you date have other woman they are interested in, which again implys that you date married men. Also, you say you don't like to compete, if that's the case you should really stay away from married men.

Perhaps you should stay away from my thread. What are you 12 years old?? Seriously, I can't even respond to your comments because they are so thoughtless. But I'll try...eventhough you won't get it. From the begining, my thread was a RANT about my disgust with MM. If you read, you'll see the common theme of people who share my disdain. If your not a child, I must assume that you are one of the summy married men to persue single women And that would explain the reason you blame me for falling prey of these creeps.

 

Here you have multiple examples of how this happens. Yet you still blame me for the circumstance. Do me a favor...go play with someone your age.

[samspade]

But even the single men who share my interest and abilities have at least one of two other women they are interested in. And that leads to a competative game that I'm not willing to play.

 

Now hold on - that is a lot different from being married.

 

You can't go on a first date with a guy and expect him to drop all other prospects and focus solely on you. Well, you can, but you know what you will get? Either dropped, or you'll wind up with a desperate, needy guy.

 

It's extremely unrealistic to expect someone you've just met to be exclusive with you. Even broaching the subject that early is presumptuous; I always assume the girl I'm taking out has other prospects, just like me.

[alphamale]

You can't go on a first date with a guy and expect him to drop all other prospects and focus solely on you.

you should have said "drop all other prospects and/or wife"

[Butterflying]

Are you meeting them online?

 

When I did that I stated right in my profile that I was not interested in meeting married men.

 

I know it is hard to meet people who are dating others, but think of it this way. You don't really know them at all. So YOU don't know if you want to date them exclusively, either. Would you want some guy "knowing" you were the girl he wanted before you were sure about him?

 

Don't think about it as a competition. Be confident in yourself. Know you have a lot to offer. If he chooses someone else, just think to yourself that he must be really boring to not choose to date you!!

 

But most importantly, you should try to date others as well until you decide who you really want to know.

This particular guy is a member of the board for the Home Association Company that I am also a member of. Nobody knew he was married because he never talks about his wife. He doesn't wear a ring. He and I spoke a few times after meetings. When he asked me out, I accepted because that gave me an opportunity to know more about him. I assumed he was single, otherwise he wouldn't have asked me out. Based on previous conversations, he appeared to be single. He lives alone. He doesn't have any children.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

That will happen. Those guys are always out there. And GIRLS...

[redfathom]

Actually OP, I am a married female, 27 and I have been married to the same man for almost 9 years. So let's just say I am someone who knows how to find a man and keep him committed to me. If you were worth anything to these guys you date, there wouldn't be any competition. But they see you as someone with LOW standards, as you already pointed out.

 

You are too busy looking for a trophy husband...

 

Don't get mad at me because you're not happy with your romantic life. I am only pointing out what YOU SAID...and then later denied and got defensive about. You won't accept any responsability and you should.

[Butterflying]

Now hold on - that is a lot different from being married.

 

You can't go on a first date with a guy and expect him to drop all other prospects and focus solely on you. Well, you can, but you know what you will get? Either dropped, or you'll wind up with a desperate, needy guy.

 

It's extremely unrealistic to expect someone you've just met to be exclusive with you. Even broaching the subject that early is presumptuous; I always assume the girl I'm taking out has other prospects, just like me.

Yes I understand this. But I don't have any strings attached. So I want a man who doesn't have any either. There is a difference in just dating to find the right person and being in a relationship via marriage, or committed. When a man tells me he has a girlfriend, I view it the same as a MM because his priority should be that committed relationship, not me.

 

I date because I'm searching for the right man. But when that man comes along, there is nothing stopping me for persuing a commited relationship with him. I once dated a single guy who had a girlfriend. He strung me along saying he wasn't sure she was the one. After two years, he married her. Go figure! And he expected me to be there on the side. So I want to avoid this from happening again.

[redfathom]

Wow, that guy wasn't single, he was in a committed relationship although unmarried. And he strung you along for TWO years, holy cow! I see a pattern, even if you don't want to admit it. I think it's noble that you WANT this to stop happening, now you just have to make it stop happening.

[Butterflying]

Actually OP, I am a married female, 27 and I have been married to the same man for almost 9 years. So let's just say I am someone who knows how to find a man and keep him committed to me. If you were worth anything to these guys you date, there wouldn't be any competition. But they see you as someone with LOW standards, as you already pointed out.

 

You are too busy looking for a trophy husband...

 

Don't get mad at me because you're not happy with your romantic life. I am only pointing out what YOU SAID...and then later denied and got defensive about. You won't accept any responsability and you should.

 

Don't take words so literally! Read everything and not just what you want to see. Perhaps your husband is one of these low lifes I'm running from.

[redfathom]

I dated this guy exclusively several years ago. We broke up and over time, we've kept in touch. He has basically come clean about everything he did because it was mainly flirting with other women while we were together which that ultimately went to far and caused the break up.

 

It's been over 4 years since then. Now I realize I did some terrible things to him during the relationship that he suspected me of doing but he never had proof.

 

When we first met, we had a terrible fight. He accidentally left his cell phone at my house. I found it and noticed erotic messages from other woman. I destroyed the phone and threw it in the garbage. He didn't know where he left it. I never told him I found it. And he ended up buying a new phone.

 

Later, I discovered that he was still heavily involved with an XGF. The relationship was too close for comfort. So I manipulated that XGF into ending her relationship with him because I wanted him all to myself. I denied everything. He didn't know rather to belive her or me. He chose me.

 

I had access to all of his personal information (because he gave it to me). I used to check his emails and phone records. But I continued to do that even after we broke up. He had no idea. So I knew everything about his new girlfriend. When they got serious and started planning marriage, I sabbatoged that relationship too. But he had no idea I was the culprit because he had no idea I was still checking his personal info.

 

The final straw came recently, last year. I almost poisoned him when I replaced some whipped cream in his refrigerator with shaving cream. I did it as a practical joke. But then I forgot about it until he ate some of it on a dessert. It tasted bad and he didn't eat enough to get sick. But he questioned me about it later. And I was too afraid to tell the truth.

 

Now he and I are getting along so great. There is a good chance we might get back together. But he has been questioning some of the things I've mentioned above. Apparently, he has been suspisoius for a long time and finally wants me to admit it.

 

It's the past and I just want to let by gones be by gones. I'm afraid that the truth will make him think I'm crazy and he'll never want to be with me again. I also don't know why he wants to focus on the past if we're trying to build a future.

 

?????????????

 

The above is from a thread you started in Nov. You're a psycho!

[Butterflying]

Wow, that guy wasn't single, he was in a committed relationship although unmarried. And he strung you along for TWO years, holy cow! I see a pattern, even if you don't want to admit it. I think it's noble that you WANT this to stop happening, now you just have to make it stop happening.

Exactly! But I said that in response to another poster's statment that I shouldn't be turned off by single men with other prospects in their lives. The way I see it, another woman equals unavailable to me, period. And I stuck around that long thinking it was okay because he WASN'T married. I was hoping he would choose me. But he wanted us both.

[redfathom]

You make it a competition...you seem to want to win the trophey guy at any cost. But you only look at shallow things as merit in someone, you won't find true happiness or love like that.

[Butterflying]

I dated this guy exclusively several years ago. We broke up and over time, we've kept in touch. He has basically come clean about everything he did because it was mainly flirting with other women while we were together which that ultimately went to far and caused the break up.

 

It's been over 4 years since then. Now I realize I did some terrible things to him during the relationship that he suspected me of doing but he never had proof.

 

When we first met, we had a terrible fight. He accidentally left his cell phone at my house. I found it and noticed erotic messages from other woman. I destroyed the phone and threw it in the garbage. He didn't know where he left it. I never told him I found it. And he ended up buying a new phone.

 

Later, I discovered that he was still heavily involved with an XGF. The relationship was too close for comfort. So I manipulated that XGF into ending her relationship with him because I wanted him all to myself. I denied everything. He didn't know rather to belive her or me. He chose me.

 

I had access to all of his personal information (because he gave it to me). I used to check his emails and phone records. But I continued to do that even after we broke up. He had no idea. So I knew everything about his new girlfriend. When they got serious and started planning marriage, I sabbatoged that relationship too. But he had no idea I was the culprit because he had no idea I was still checking his personal info.

 

The final straw came recently, last year. I almost poisoned him when I replaced some whipped cream in his refrigerator with shaving cream. I did it as a practical joke. But then I forgot about it until he ate some of it on a dessert. It tasted bad and he didn't eat enough to get sick. But he questioned me about it later. And I was too afraid to tell the truth.

 

Now he and I are getting along so great. There is a good chance we might get back together. But he has been questioning some of the things I've mentioned above. Apparently, he has been suspisoius for a long time and finally wants me to admit it.

 

It's the past and I just want to let by gones be by gones. I'm afraid that the truth will make him think I'm crazy and he'll never want to be with me again. I also don't know why he wants to focus on the past if we're trying to build a future.

 

?????????????

 

The above is from a thread you started in Nov. You're a psycho!

Impressive. So you've done your research...on MY THREADS. That's a little too involved and Stalkish. And desperarte to invalidate me. Thanks for your interest in me!!!

[redfathom]

You seemed to know all about me, what am I again 12?...I thought I would return the favor with with out any assumptions.

 

But I did hit below the belt...you do sound like you want to change your patterns and I wish you luck.

[Butterflying]

You seemed to know all about me, what am I again 12?...

Yes I did and it was all based on present post to my thread. I have not read, nither do I care to read anything you've posted other than what's here on my thread.

 

but I did hit below the belt...you do sound like you want to change your patterns and I wish you luck.

The only pattern that needs to change is creepy MM who persue other women. And that is why I started this thread. What the hell? If a man is married, he should not be dating other woman, period.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Butterfly, don't worry about the negative posters. You know it is difficult out there, and it has nothing to do with you.

[Butterflying]

As you can see from this thread, a lot of MM lie about their marital status for their own selfish needs. Sure, it's obvious that I will have to screen guys more carefully. But how much screening should I have to do before a first date? If they don't wear a ring, they should tell me upfront that they are married when they ask me out. That would save us both time because then I could say..sorry I don't date married men.

 

These type of guys make dating very difficult. And that is what upsets me. I know there are women out there who persue MM intentionally. But there are also MM out here who persue women other than their wives and this has been my experience.

 

I won't lower my standards just because there are creeps out here who are lower than the dirt I piss on. I just want to express how angry it makes me when this happens.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I just want to express how angry it makes me when this happens.

 

And that is what LS is for!!!!

 

And there are people who have been in your shoes....