Zapbasket Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Kizik, your feelings are completely normal and understandable. When you think about what you have to do in a breakup with someone you really loved, it makes so much sense to go through something like what you just did. You're basically having to tell yourself that this person is dead, insofar as the specific, intimate way you knew this person is dead. To suddenly see them is like a ghost-sighting. It hurts a lot, but it's really a reminder of how strong and true YOUR love was. And that is a beautiful thing. Cherish that, the knowing that you are capable of caring so much. And just let time continue to do its work.
foxh1234 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Kizik, your feelings are completely normal and understandable. When you think about what you have to do in a breakup with someone you really loved, it makes so much sense to go through something like what you just did. You're basically having to tell yourself that this person is dead, insofar as the specific, intimate way you knew this person is dead. To suddenly see them is like a ghost-sighting. It hurts a lot, but it's really a reminder of how strong and true YOUR love was. And that is a beautiful thing. Cherish that, the knowing that you are capable of caring so much. And just let time continue to do its work. Very very well put GC, I agree with every word. A ghost sighting is a great analogy.
Peter_pan Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 It hurts a lot, but it's really a reminder of how strong and true YOUR love was. And that is a beautiful thing. Cherish that, the knowing that you are capable of caring so much. And just let time continue to do its work. so true, great words there.
Author kizik Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 Thanks, Green Cove, for the thoughtful response. Tomorrow is her birthday. It's going to be a little difficult for me, I think. She made no attempts to contact me on my b-day, and I won't be contacting her either. It's all just so unnecessary and sad. If she won't even look at me on the street, of course she's never going to call, for any reason. And it's best that she doesn't ever call. It's just so f*cking painful when someone will spend three years with you, only to act like you don't exist when you split. But someone on LS told me something interesting once: if they can turn their back so quickly, it's a harbinger of how they would be if you got married.
Zapbasket Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Well, I don't know about a harbinger of how they'd be if you'd married them...but it certainly reveals their maturity level at present. Then again, breakups never show people--dumper or dumpee--at their finest. Birthdays are hard, for sure. And I, too, find it infinitely sad that you can share so much with a person, and then it's gone for good...and neither of you is dead. How can a heart comprehend something like that?!? I just think that, when someone says or shows that they don't want you in their life, sure, try once, try a few times...but if they're adamant about their decision, then give them what they want...and give it in spades! And know in your heart that YOU did what you could--and look forward to the many people who will come into your life who WANT you to share life's journey with them.
Peter_pan Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Well, I don't know about a harbinger of how they'd be if you'd married them...but it certainly reveals their maturity level at present. Then again, breakups never show people--dumper or dumpee--at their finest. Birthdays are hard, for sure. And I, too, find it infinitely sad that you can share so much with a person, and then it's gone for good...and neither of you is dead. How can a heart comprehend something like that?!? I just think that, when someone says or shows that they don't want you in their life, sure, try once, try a few times...but if they're adamant about their decision, then give them what they want...and give it in spades! And know in your heart that YOU did what you could--and look forward to the many people who will come into your life who WANT you to share life's journey with them. greencove your amazing. yeah my bday was our anniversary day to. so double blow. but your right in letting them get on with it if they reject you
sockpuppet Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 It's so weird, it's been almost two years now since I've even had a kiss. I don't even feel like a sexual being anymore, and I know nobody else sees me as one. I think guys mostly just look right through me if they even notice me in the first place. I wish that resigning myself to the fact that love, sex, and even kisses are things of the past would make it easier to bear, but it doesn't. Ah well. That's almost EXACTLY how I've felt. I've made many active efforts to move on...I've gone on dates and just never been the least bit attracted or interested, so they've never gone anywhere. A few female friends of mine tried to set me up with their friends and after the first date their friends would say, "It was fun but there's no spark there." I'd be offended by that except for the fact that I felt the same way. It's great to see someone feels the same way. It's been almost the same amount of time for me and I was beginning to think something was wrong with me.
sockpuppet Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Well, I don't know about a harbinger of how they'd be if you'd married them...but it certainly reveals their maturity level at present. Then again, breakups never show people--dumper or dumpee--at their finest. Birthdays are hard, for sure. And I, too, find it infinitely sad that you can share so much with a person, and then it's gone for good...and neither of you is dead. How can a heart comprehend something like that?!? I just think that, when someone says or shows that they don't want you in their life, sure, try once, try a few times...but if they're adamant about their decision, then give them what they want...and give it in spades! And know in your heart that YOU did what you could--and look forward to the many people who will come into your life who WANT you to share life's journey with them. That's great advice. Rationally I've always tried to followed it, but execution didn't go so well. I used to be almost too aloof when it came to that kind of thing, and I think I blew/missed out on a lot of good chances just because I was afraid to put myself out there. My Ex is an example of someone who is so afraid of getting hurt she NEVER puts herself out there...I had to do a LOT of work to get her to open up originally but when she did it was amazing. So where I'm going with this is, with people and especially with her, I find myself trying not just once, but two, three, four or fives times more than I should just to feel like I've given all I could, and that they knew it. Kizik, I agree with everyone else here that that seems perfectly normal, keep your head up!
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