kizik Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I've been on this site for almost a year now. I went through a very painful breakup, and spent a lot of time on here getting advice. I've come a long way, and find myself giving advice more than asking for it nowadays. But today I would like some support/advice. I saw my ex drive through my neighborhood about two months ago. There is no doubt it was her. It was her in her car with her license plate, driving away. It f*cked me up for a minute. Today I saw someone who looks a lot like my ex. Now, maybe it was her; maybe it wasn't. I don't know. I feel like it was. Since I saw her in my hood for sure that one time, it would make sense that it would be her. But forget that part - the important part is this: after seeing this girl, I had an immediate setback to pain, anxiety and humiliation. All from a simple sighting. Can anyone relate to this? Can anyone tell me it's normal, not normal, understandable, ridiculous, anything?
Beautiful Inside Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 i dont think its not normal i think all the feelings you have are for a reason and it shows that your still hurt by everything she did to you....i think seeing an ex for anyone you instantly remember all the hurt the pain the memories etc... well for some people... you know whats harder check this out....try seeing and ex you still have strong feelings for with someone new (soon after the breakup) talk about devastating....
Author kizik Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 try seeing and ex you still have strong feelings for with someone new (soon after the breakup) talk about devastating.... Yeah, I forgot to mention that I did see my ex with someone new back in December. So there.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Yeah, I forgot to mention that I did see my ex with someone new back in December. So there. damn son that sux.... hmmmm i guess itll always be like that when you see her like you'll always have those feeling, unless you meet someone knew and then you wont give a **** about her any longer....next time you'll see her instead you'll be thinking "i feel sorry for the next guy that ends up with her"
foxh1234 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Hey Kiz, it's totally normal man, as far as I'm concerned. It has also been a year for me and even now when anyone mentions her name or anything about her, I get a funny feeling in my stomach. It is the weirdest thing,and I feel funny admitting it. I think it means we still care a little and we honestly loved them alot. I look forward to the day when I can hear her name or see her and feel nothing. I know it will come in time and it will come for you too. Time is all we need. Hope things are well besides this little setback.
northstar1 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Hey Kiz. Sorry you had to see her, I know it must feel like a punch in the stomach, particularly if it was unexpected. Feelings for an ex, as I well know, stay alive in a part of you, even if they no longer occupy your mind each day. You've come a long way man since last summer (I think we joined the boards around the same time), and have grown a lot as a person and built a damn fine life. This is just a momentary setback that anyone would go through. I'm not sure how I'll react if I ever run into my ex, but I'm sure it will be the same. I think it's definitely normal man.
Author kizik Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Hey Kiz, it's totally normal man, as far as I'm concerned. It has also been a year for me and even now when anyone mentions her name or anything about her, I get a funny feeling in my stomach. It is the weirdest thing,and I feel funny admitting it. I think it means we still care a little and we honestly loved them alot. I look forward to the day when I can hear her name or see her and feel nothing. I know it will come in time and it will come for you too. Time is all we need. Hope things are well besides this little setback. Hey Kiz. Sorry you had to see her, I know it must feel like a punch in the stomach, particularly if it was unexpected. Feelings for an ex, as I well know, stay alive in a part of you, even if they no longer occupy your mind each day. You've come a long way man since last summer (I think we joined the boards around the same time), and have grown a lot as a person and built a damn fine life. This is just a momentary setback that anyone would go through. I'm not sure how I'll react if I ever run into my ex, but I'm sure it will be the same. I think it's definitely normal man. Hi guys, thanks for responding. It is good to know that after a year, you are both still here for me. Your words and advice help. If anyone else has some thoughts about reactions upon seeing an ex, please post here. Josh
Peter_pan Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 hey kiz, yea your reactions were totally normal mate. i felt the same after seeing my ex for the first time after a year. my heart raced a little, i looked at her and how she had a new hair cut etc. and at the time i just wanted to have a go at her for all the **** she put me through. and when i saw her out at night well i had my say, it was hard hearing her voice again and looking at her in the face, but i did it and it gave me closure on a level i hadnt expected. yes i still hold a place for her and i do wish we could be friends or at least have some contact. i feel really sad that we dont. but thats just the way it is i guess. if she wasnt with him then it would be much simpler. you shouldn't feel humiliated, although i know where your coming from. how do you feel about it all now? when you saw her did you feel you might still long for her?
Ruby Slippers Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I totally understand. I haven't seen my ex since we broke up 6 months ago, but a week ago, a friend told me SHE saw him (they live in the same neighorhood, where I also used to live). Just hearing that has made me think about him and miss him a lot since then. Ugh. It sucks, but I'm trying to just move past it. You have my sympathies. It's not easy! But I agree that it's normal.
Author kizik Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 how do you feel about it all now? when you saw her did you feel you might still long for her? I'm fine, until I see the bitch driving in my neighborhood, or at a show, or at a bus stop. These things have been occurring like every month, it seems. No, I don't long for her. Actually had a dream last night - we were together again as if nothing had happened. In the dream, though, I was like, "Huh? You're annoying, mean and judgmental. Why am I with you?" I haven't seen my ex since we broke up 6 months ago, but a week ago, a friend told me SHE saw him (they live in the same neighorhood, where I also used to live). Just hearing that has made me think about him and miss him a lot since then. Ugh. Hey RS, man, if I were you I'd ask your "friend" to not talk about him. She should know that talking about an ex is not helpful! Try to stay in the dark. That saying - "What you don't know can't hurt you" - I'll tell you, it was never truer than in the context of exes. What's ironic is that I have never asked a g*damn soul about my ex, but I've seen her three times, and each time has been painful. Which just proves that there is NO ESCAPE from feeling the pain of a breakup, no matter what tactics (NC, etc.) you might employ. People keep telling me, "get a new girlfriend." Do they think that it's easy? 1. I can sustain on my own. I don't need a GF. 2. Is it easy? Guys (truthful ones): can you just "get a girlfriend"? I can't, and I don't really care to.
monkeymaid Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 well, if you are looking its anumbers game, but they say you find a special person when you least expect it. ...so if you just want a gf, yeah just be social and make small talk with everyone. ...i mean everyone. if you want it to be the "once in your life time or twice in one night" kind of love then dont look and it will just happen. either way do what makes you happy
DJMarky Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Well after all the **** my ex put me through like rubbing in my face how she cheated on me and enjoys ****ing this other guy, how she thinks im a loser, her friends hate me etc etc .. all this **** she did to me, I STILL feel something for her. If I saw her out with her boyfriend I think my stomach would turn upside down and I would want to throw up everywhere. She was the biggest bitch possible, but I still feel something. It's crazy. So short answer, yep, sounds normal.
DJMarky Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Wow, speak of the devil (pun intended). I went on facebook and my friends were tagged in a uni party album while I was away, I scroll through it and there she was with her new man. My heart must have raced to about 1,000 beats per second. ****. She was looking smoking as per usual, which I was told several times by my brother's friends who all tried to hook in with her. I feel like I am going back to the the first day.
Peter_pan Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 i must be a hell of a lot stronger than i think then. i can look at a picture of her kissing him and it dosnt bother me. my heart dosnt race anymore. i look at her and think, he will go the same way that i did for sure. and her loss. big time!
DJMarky Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 i must be a hell of a lot stronger than i think then. i can look at a picture of her kissing him and it dosnt bother me. my heart dosnt race anymore. i look at her and think, he will go the same way that i did for sure. and her loss. big time! Sounds like you are already over her man! Anything else you got to get over? Or you just here on the forums providing support?
Peter_pan Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Sounds like you are already over her man! Anything else you got to get over? Or you just here on the forums providing support? well without jacking this thread to much and will reply to the answer kiz gave me after this the thing i struggle getting over is not being able to have her as mine and wanting her to be single, obviously thats impossible and its human nature to want what you cant have. sometimes i will have set backs such as remembering smells of our room and her perfume or something little as going into work to see her before i started work and buying her lunch at lunch time, seeing her smile and face light up as she saw me. and i dont know why but i cant bring myself to delete some pictures of her off my mobile phone... :S and i regret not being the true me with her at the time. i was engulfed with ocd and depression. i am sad that there is nothing between us at all and it all seems as though we meant nothing. thats a hard thing to swallow.. as I say though, there is nothing i can do about it. she didnt have to start a relationship weeks after what we had, that was her decision and i really cruel disrespectful one. but yeah i like to offer advice and help others. its amazing that this sort of thing literally happens to everyone. back to kiz. well im glad you have control of your dreams and you can put your foot down and say that lol it must be a right pain in the A seeing her now and then. grr
UCLAMike Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 i had a similar encounter. i am pretty sure i saw my ex coming out of a club on a friday night with her new boyfriend. it stunned me even though I wasn't 100 percent sure. it hurt because she'd never go out with me on the weekends, not even once, in our 1 yr together because she said she was busy with work/tired etc. it reminded me of just how badly she took me for granted. she's out having fun with her new bf now. i guess people literally can just break up with u, take 2-3 months to get over you, and get a new guy fast and fall right back in love. I don't get it but she is who she is. I dont want somebody like that.
Author kizik Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Mike, I like your post b/c you really capture the anguish (which I have gone through THREE TIMES now) of seeing your ex but not knowing for sure if it was her. Even if you're not 100% sure it's her, it still hurts to see someone who looks a lot like her.
DJMarky Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Wow, 2-3 months? My ex went from her ex ex to me WHILE they were going out, which was for over two years, then she did the same to me. Not sure why I was surprised she ended up being a cheating whore.
EmperorR Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I'm still scared to visit my sister because she lives across from my sister, so I know what you mean Kizik, just got to stay strong, and let no one ruin the way you feel.
roghornio Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I guess it's natural. I feel like this even if i see her friends I think it must be your body and minds way of protecting itself - because really you did go thorugh a massive trauma, and your ex was the cause.
sedgwick Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I saw my ex a few weeks ago as I was walking down the street past a venue where his band used to play a lot. Hadn't seen him since the day he left me in July '07. As soon as I realized it was him I looked down, turned up my headphones, and kept walking. I'm proud of myself for not acknowledging him but sad that he didn't call my name or come after me or anything. I know it's been 19.5 months now and he probably doesn't even remember me, so he probably didn't recognize me even if he did see me. But still it's made me very sad and the pain has been very fresh ever since. It's so weird, it's been almost two years now since I've even had a kiss. I don't even feel like a sexual being anymore, and I know nobody else sees me as one. I think guys mostly just look right through me if they even notice me in the first place. I wish that resigning myself to the fact that love, sex, and even kisses are things of the past would make it easier to bear, but it doesn't. Ah well.
sunshinegirl Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Oh Kiz, take heart. Your reaction is totally understandable. I saw a *photo* of my ex about three weeks ago and my stomach did somersaults. Just today I was on a flight home from a business trip and suddenly realized that my ex could have been on my flight: his daughter lives in the city where I was working so he could have been down on visitation. THAT screwed me up for a few minutes too (and it wasn't even contact, or pseudo-contact!). Don't judge yourself, just let the emotional wave ride on past. You'll be back to your center soon enough.
Author kizik Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I know it's been 19.5 months now and he probably doesn't even remember me, so he probably didn't recognize me even if he did see me. But still it's made me very sad and the pain has been very fresh ever since. It's so weird, it's been almost two years now since I've even had a kiss. I don't even feel like a sexual being anymore, and I know nobody else sees me as one. I think guys mostly just look right through me if they even notice me in the first place. I wish that resigning myself to the fact that love, sex, and even kisses are things of the past would make it easier to bear, but it doesn't. Ah well. Sedgwick, I can guarantee that he remembers you. I can also guarantee that guys see you as a sexual being (even if you don't feel like one). Sh*t, I visually undress most women I see. Can't help myself. Love, kisses and sex, are not a thing of the past. They are of the future. Your reaction is totally understandable. I saw a *photo* of my ex about three weeks ago and my stomach did somersaults. Don't judge yourself, just let the emotional wave ride on past. You'll be back to your center soon enough. Thanks for the words of comfort, SSG. It's good to know that I'm not alone in these involuntary physical responses. Since seeing her two days ago, I've come to some conclusions. 1) It was her. 2) She didn't look me in the eye on purpose. 3) She didn't look at me b/c she's angry at me, out of some f*cked up, ridiculous self-loathing projection. 4) She's probably heard those songs I wrote about her on MySpace. 5) So she hates me b/c I wrote some songs about her. I have every right to hate this woman, and you know what? I do hate her. I know they say the opposite of love is indifference. I don't care. Clearly I'm not over her yet. Because I f*cking hate her arrogance and, to quote Michael Scott to Toby: "I hate everything about the way you choose to be." Good times, though.
citizen67 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 my ex is dating someone who lives in my bldg so I get to see them where I live, and whenever I come or go from where I live, I think about whether I will see them. It really sucks
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