mainephreak Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Hello, Random internet "friends." and probably "enemies" by the time some of you are done reading this. I know some if this might be a little in incriminating so I am going to stay some what anonymous ..........few years random drama, a couple of pushing matches, a bunch of yelling matches. The fact of it is over the years we have both abused each other. The mental abuse has been high scale mental abuse. On both of our parts although I will say that she was been much more mentally abusive to me than I to her. Physical abuse has been "minor" (although I hate to use that work) She slapped me a couple of times, I pinched her. It was not an every day thing, not that it makes it right but in the 13 years we have been together I would guess that there was a total of 6 incidents of this type. We live bellow a couple we are (were?) great friends with probably 2 good of friends. As in get drunk play strip poker. And fool around with them at least once a week. It was fun that is for sure, but I also know that's what ****ed up my marriage At face value we all pretended that it was just for fun and we all trusted each other. Deep down though I can now see that all 4 of us have serious trust issues. For future reference R=ME H=My Wife M=Man up stairs. S=Wife up stairs. Now that the back ground is done here lets fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. In all actually I think I saw this coming like a freight train full on for at least a year. But never though it would get here It kinda blind sided me. I'm working, S,M,H are playing cards drinking, which I'm fine with. (The out standing rule is pretty much have fun, but NO touching unless all 4 of us are there) Some more friends, (normal friends not sick twisted dirty swappers like us ) come over hang out play rock band. H gets tired comes down stairs and goes to bed. A few minutes later S asks M to come down to get some shot glasses. M does not come back up S comes down and guess what H and M are messing around. This wasn't the first time, all 4 of us are guilty of stuff just like this. (I know play with fire long enough and get burned) (I am going to skip a lot of details here, I may fill them in later not sure yet.) This was the straw the broke the camel back. I get home S fills me in on what happened. I get Drunk pass out on couch. Wake up to H screaming banging her against the wall threatening to Kill herself. I throw H on the bed and slap her (Kinda like a hey snap out of it thing). Her mom comes and picks her up she is staying there now. First couple of days we didn't talk much because I was at work for 12 hour shifts. But she let me see our son a couple of times, we agreed that if we had any chance at all we needed marriage counseling, and to move out of our (love-shack). We also agreed we both needed more time to think and that it would be best if she stayed at her moms a while. Over the next few days she was harder to get a hold of. I would leave messages asking if she wanted to talk, or if I could hang out with our son for a bit. She started saying no (this or that) was going on and it wasn't a good time. Till one day she stops calling me back at all. I get worried go up to her moms doors are locked doesn't look like anyone is home. I finally get a hold of her she says she was there but is scared of me so she didn't let me in. Other than our past (which I know is huge) I had done nothing scary at all. I just knocked on the door no one answered and I left. She tells me she made a counseling appointment for Monday and that I could come along if I wanted, i said I would. Next day I get home from work and there is a cop in my driveway. He has got a protection from abuse order for me. I can't so much as call H w/o going to Jail right now. Which means I can't talk to my son at all. We have a court case tomorrow. Where I did slap H. (regardless of the reason) My lawyer say that they will defiantly grant the PFA. So my best bet is to just get try to get the most visitation time I can with my son for now. If you made it this far Any constrictive advice would be appreciated. I know I ****ed up, big time on a lot of levels. I know my past mistakes so I don't need them pointed out to me.
Gunny376 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Follow the spirit and letter of the PO to the letter. Don't deviate from it, and go NC as if you were a nuclear submarine under the Polar icecap. As far as the STBXW is concerned you've have just officially fallen off the planet. Don't know discuss any aspect of this nor the separation/divorce with the STBXW with your son. Zilch, nothing, nada. Keep your mouth shut don't discuss this with anyone but your attorney, not the STBXW, your best friend. certainly not the upstairs neighbor's, her family members, your family members, mutual friends, not even your best friends. Part of what is going on is that she's feeling guilt-ed for what she's done, and her "anti-slut" defense and "buyer's remorse" has kicked in ~ and guess who she's blaming it on? Guess who's the bad guy in all of this? Don't pursue, beg, apologize. Zilch ~ nothing! What your going through and will be going through over the next couple of weeks or months is withdrawal, and I hate to be the one to tell you, but its going to be one of the most painful psychological experiences of your life ~ but you will eventually wake up one day and the clouds will part and the sun will shine once again. Your going to go through sleeplessness, restlessness, anxiety, depression as you've never known it. Your going to feel as though you've got your own personal storm cloud everywhere you go? If your not careful? They 'storms of life' will be rolling over you one after the other, leaving you wondering "Damn, is this ever going to end?" As bad as all of this may seem to you? It can and will get a hell of a lot worse if your not worse! The best thing you can do right now is look out for yourself and your son. Make sure that all of his physical, material, psychological, emotional from you as his father are meet and are being meet. I know you've got the RO on you, but do the best that you can to let him know that you've always been there, and that you're always are going to be there. If your depressed, get yourself to the Dr. and get yourself some ADs and if your having problems sleeping, then you need to get up early in the 'Morn" and work hard physically all day. Go ahead and have yourself a "Pity-party" if need be, get blind drunk. And then move on. Only one allowed per breakup. The bottom line is that she can be replaced. I repeat she can be replaced! Anything that she has to offer? You can find elsewhere, with just as much if not more, just as good if not better! What one will refuse? Another can certainly use!
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