Bdaddy145 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I've know about this since the third month we were together. We both fell in love inside a month of meeting and knew we were getting married. We are soulmates and are ment to be together. We got engaged 4 months in, I don't regret it and can't wait to marry her (just for the record) I have a past too, and must say I lost count of my number when it crossed the 3 digit mark. I have accepted her past, but am not sure if she has completely let go. Here are the details. She told me about 3 months in, about her past. I did freak out due to my strong dislike of this profession. This caused her to be afraid of telling me the truth about her past when I asked questions. Not questions about the ghorry details as I don't think thats necessary, but questions about how she met current guy friends and if she had slept with her guy friends and if she still kept in touch with anything to do with that and all that stuff. She chose not to be honest with me about these things until I almost walked out on her. Since then she has gotten more comfortable with telling the truth to me about these things. For the record, I believe she has been honest with me about everything since we came together. I did open her computer to find an old email address she use to use for the profession. It was linked to a website unrelated to this issue, but guys still solicited her via email. It had been more than a year since she had accepted anything, as I read almost everyone hearing her say she was retired. She was mad when I confronted her and told her what I did. But this led to her coming clean about everything. Me having to asks her 3 times to tell me everything and her telling me eact time there was nothing else (until the next time) I have developed trust issues. We have spent the last week developing and working on ways to overcome them and we are making great progress. However, she is friends with 2 guys that she met in the business. I wholeheartedly belive they are friends ONLY, but think the friendship is WIERD!!! Also, she keeps in touch with at least one of her old customers by email and text message. I've asked her to stop with the latter. She sent a text telling him her reasons. One of the other guys will be out of the picture soon. The other is a friend. Thats all. Thats the background, here are the questions: 1) are their any former escorts that can tell me if I can believe her when she says she's really out of the business?? FYI she hasn't done anything to make me think she is not 2) does anyone have thoughts/ideas on what or how we can finish building trust here?? ***ALSO if anyone has any constructive thoughts or ideas or comments, please feel free to share.
Yamaha Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Any body who has a 3 digit number + has no right to question anybody elses sexual practices. You sound like you were in the same profession,k or is that just male ego talking.
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Your focus should be on her lying and if you're willing to marry a liar, rather than focusing on rebuilding trust. You've barely clocked any real time with her, so why keep trying to climb a slippery slope?
EllieBean Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Was your girlfriend an escort or a prostitute? In other words, did she have sex with men for money or simply spend time with them and escort them to parties etc? The former would not be a problem for me, while the latter definitely would as it implies a disregard for the emotional connection experienced during sex. If she was a prostitute I would also insist on tests before she came anywhere near me! It sounds like she's avoided telling you things because you kicked up a fuss and expressed a dislike for her profession, and she didn't want to alienate or upset you. I don't see why there should be trust issues if she's now come clean and has retired from her profession. Having said that, you seem to have a bit of a chequered history yourself, and as such you don't really have any right to criticise. If you were my boyfriend, I'd also insist on tests before I let YOU come anywhere near ME, considering you've had casual sex with over 100 women. In fact I'd probably refuse to date you at all, so perhaps you should consider yourself lucky that your girlfriend isn't freaking out over YOUR past.
Lizzie60 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Ellie... escort = prostitute. I agree with Yamaha.. come on dude.. you're questioning her???? How do you feel about your past.. do you feel the 'urge' to scr*ew other women? Methink.. for her it's over .. for now.. but I'm not saying it's over for good.. just like you.. Life sucks!
Author Bdaddy145 Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Y-> you have a good point, I was in a different "place" in my life, and thats not something I tell my friends. Its a bit embarrassing really T-> I have to agree with Elle here, I wouldn't catagorize her as a liar, just that she lied about some things, I don't blame her now that I know the truth. E-> we both did the testing thing, and are fine (thankfully), if you met me now you wouldn't think I was capable of such things, its the same with her. This is the way I can describe our pasts: we began as good, morally stable people, raised by our parents to do the right thing and live a good life, we both became something we are not, then at some point we both decided to become who we really were. The people we are today. Does that make sense? L-> I see your point, I am not very pleased, some of it makes me sick, and meeting her makes me wish I could take it all back, but I can't. Yes I know she feels the same way. I have no urge to scr** anyone else ever again. She does not either. I truely know in my heart that this is it for both of us. Thank you all for your comments. You have all reinforced my belief that I'm being a dumb, self absorbed, idiot, who has some trust issues and needs to just get over my petty problems.
RecordProducer Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Any body who has a 3 digit number + has no right to question anybody elses sexual practices. You sound like you were in the same profession,k or is that just male ego talking.Oh, c'mon, are you kidding me?! How can the two compare? Having sex for money, even with one person, has nothing to do with having sex because you desired somebody, regardless of how many times the pattern repeated. She just recently stopped hooking and she is still friends with these guys. Don't project any insecurity issues onto this case, as in "he should trust her." Trust a hooker?! Who, by the way, lied to him? It sounds like she is keeping these people as former customers, in case she goes back to prostitution. I'd throw her as hot rocks, if I were you, Bladdy. This is not a case of someone who did it long time ago and feels bad about it. This is a honest-to-Goodness hooker who is FRIENDS with the guys who f-ed her for $$$. She is NOT friends with them. She keeps them as a backup plan in case you don't marry her. This doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't love you. It just means she's a disgusting person. And trust me, I am not religious or anything. I am a very open-minded European woman who's been married twice. My first husband has had only one woman in bed before he met me, but my second husband has had over 100. I never thought any of it was relevant, they were both faithful to me. Being friends with her customers shows that she isn't disgusted by her past. How can you be friends with someone who paid you dollars for sex? She would go back in a heartbeat.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Being friends with her customers shows that she isn't disgusted by her past. How can you be friends with someone who paid you dollars for sex? She would go back in a heartbeat. I'm afraid the same thought occured to me. Why would she keep them as "friends"? I don't judge people by their pasts, but she seems to have brought some baggage forward with her. At the least, I'd be concerned... Mr. Lucky
Athena Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 you have a good point, I was in a different "place" in my life, and thats not something I tell my friends. Its a bit embarrassing really So, did YOU tell her about YOUR 'embarrassing' sexual history? Or are you just kicking up a fuss about hers? Does she know all about who you screwed, and if you ever talk/text/ keep in contact with any of your previous women? Or did you get off easy just by not revealing any info to her? Because if that is so, that is still lying -- lying by leaving out relevant information.
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