AlishaR Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 What goes around.... really come around? Do thoughs who hurt us so badly , really get that comes to them in the end when we are already over it so long... it no longer matters...? Are we really stronger in the end? .... what doesnt kill us really only make us stronger? How true are these sayings....?
alphamale Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 What goes around.... really come around? yes, this is a basic tenet of life. its just the time factor that varies. sometimes it may come around next week and sometimes it may take decades...
mzbaker Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 those sayings are like stereotypes...they exist for a reason! YES, they are true but it is up to you to allow it to go that direction. and often, even when you fight it...you'll find it works out that way. i don't know why you are asking these questions but i can tell you, from a middle aged woman who has been to hell and back in life and love...it's true! do not spend time focusing on the negative (ie: wishing bad on those who hurt you or obsessing how they hurt you)...you are going to hurt and you are going to be distracted by that hurt and you may even go through a short period of depression about it but the best thing to do is to move on with your life in the most positive light possible and i promise you that whether you know it or not...the bad guy loses. he/she will always reap what they sow. sometimes they don't even realize they are paying karmic debt but they are and they will realize it eventually. you don't have to know firsthand...besides, what does it matter if you know? they don't deserve your time and energy. let them go...move on to a healthier happier you. depending on your age and why you are asking...it is very hard...sometimes it takes years to develop the ability to just let go and move on but please trust me when i say, it is for the best FOR YOU if you work to that end rather that concerning yourself with them. take power over you. NO ONE should have power over you except you and when you worry about if they are being punished for what they did to you or if you are going to make it "through this"...you are focusing too much of your precious energy on the negative and therefore giving them power over you. do not let that happen. never compare yourself to others. it's a sure way to make yourself miserable. never do things or create goals for yourself just because you think it might make someone care more for you or see your worth. you are worthy as you are...you are beautiful as you are...you are strong just as you are and there is so much in life to savor, learn from and help you grow if you will just let that happen. do what you need to do for you and give the "bad guys" no further thought or energy. focus that energy on YOU and your happiness. hold your head up and smile...turn the other cheek, kill them with kindness, be the better person and you will feel the goodness in you radiate through you to create a smile on your face and leap in your step you probably never thought possible. when people are mean, insecure, manipulative, catty, dishonest, cruel, etc...they are looking for a reaction in order to feel powerful...there are better ways to go about it AND if you are on the other end of it and react to them (even by staying home thinking you are no good and not worthy or whatever) you are just playing into their game and giving all your happiness, worth and power over to them. in that, you have let them win. understand?
Author AlishaR Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 I am recently married, 1 year and about 6 months. We have been fighting alot and he has been ignoring the issues and playing world of warcraft all the time!! Im now 24 and hes 23. We got married young, however we were both brought up knowing what it takes to be married and were both in it together. I thought. We have no children. We fight and he leaves and comes back and i try and draw him out, however he doesnt ever want to talk about it. He has left me. and is backing living with his parants. And no matter what.... they are buying all the stories hes telling them about me. Hes a grown man with a WIFE and hes abandond me. And they are letting this happen. Hes immature, obviously i see that. But i have made the desicion to stop the phone calls... i havent talked to him in weeks. Ive only called maybe 2 times in almost 2 months hes been gone. I am moving on. however I still am deadicated to my marriage. Theres no one else.... I love my husband and will be here if ever desides to wake up and see hes Married and marriage is for life. I am working on myself and making the changes i have to make while hes away being bitter about the situation. Thats why I ask, Im in a bad situation and im trying to make the best of it. And hoping he comes around.....
Heroic Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 You husband prefers the company of electonic orcs and elves and his parents to you a real flesh and blood woman. He is a child interested only in fantasy. Consider this a lesson learned and find a man who is interested in reality.
mzbaker Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 i am so sorry you are dealing with this. i now more than ever hope my previous post takes root in your mind and spirit! you are both very young still. i got married at age 20, he was 26. back then, there wasn't all the online games but he was still big into games, both computerized and with me...with life in general. we were far too young to be married and it sounds like you and your husband are as well (im just being honest with my opinion). we lived in seattle and my family was 2500 miles away. i loved living there...i loved him...i loved our life or at least, all the possibilities of that life...but he did the same thing...at least similar. he played these games all the time...made little to no time for me and if i said anything, well, i was just being needy. so, i left for all of two weeks. during the two weeks i was gone he was hell bent on winning me back. not wanting to be a divorcee, i went back. in no time we were right back where we started. my husband wouldn't even get a job. i finally left again a few months later..i went back to where my family was, for their support (the fact i had no savings to start over in seattle was huge in this decision) and i was absolutely heart broken. though i was the one that chose to leave i was so very hurt that it turned out that way but as immature as i was (and trust me...i was wayyyy behind the curve on maturity) there was something in me that said, this is the right choice. you two don't fit...you are not in the same place or with the same wants. he wouldn't talk to me about what he wanted or what he might be willing to do to get there...so i had to give it up. why? because there was something in me that had so much love for me and what i could have in life...this, above all, including all, meant HAPPINESS. not sometimes happy...but HAPPY. he spent the next year trying to get me to come back...often flying to my hometown without notice and just showing up on my doorstep or sending outrageous bouquets of flowers to my workplace. the whole time i was in tears. it was all i could do just to sleep at night then get up in the morning. i was beside myself with what if's and heartache that i hurt him and me and kept questioning "if this is the right thing to do, why does it hurt so much!!!" but he still wasn't willing to talk...to make plans...to grow up and little did i know at the time but i REALLY needed to grow up too! the day the divorce papers i cried my eyes out. but i signed them. and i felt free. i was depressed for months and missed him but kept my distance. the next few years were hard..just because they were, for me and i often wondered if i had stayed with him...maybe it'd have been easier. you know, it wouldn't have been and i wouldn't have the awesomely wonderful life i have now. all this to say, GET OUT NOW. you haven't heard from him in weeks...he's not ready to grow up. are you? are you ready to grow and tough it out as you grow? are you ready to venture out on your own and find yourself? if so, get out now. you don't need a man...but when you find him...may be 5 years or 10 (i'm now 37 and just now have the right man)...you'll know it and be so happy you found yourself first.
RecordProducer Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Alisha, don't take him back. Let him beg you for a loooooong time. This will teach him to work on the problems instead of packing his bags. I've had TWO husbands like this. The first never regretted our divorce; the second regrets telling me to move out. I did and now he acts like he wants me back. But, I don't want him back. Ever. He told me today he wanted to give me another chance to prove I was a human being! Can you believe that? HE wanted to give MEEEEE another chance! I don't know where he got the idea I wanted another chance. I am also sorry to hear he didn't know I was a human being - I guess that explains why he never treated me as one? This is because I was dedicated to the marriage while he was being cocky. When you let your spouse be cocky, they become arrogant and ultimately, they will blackmail you with divorce until they mold you into the desired shape - which is until you lose your identity. They walk away because they don't want to compromise. That means you have to "compromise" 100%, but that's not a compromise. Bending over is fine, but when you twist like a pretzel, that marriage is not going to work for either one of you. The grounds for their blackmail is your love - you care so much, you won't let go. No! Let go! Show him that you would rather be alone or find someone else than let him walk all over you. Did he leave? pack the rest of his things and call him to pick them up. When he comes, let him find them in front of your door and don't even open the door. Turn the lights and your cell off and pretend you're not at home. When he calls, don't pick up. If you pick up, say you don't want to talk to him and hang up. Be merciless and arrogant. He deserves it. This is how you deal with blackmail business. You must cut it in the root. After all, every spouse who packs their bags or throws their spouse out should be prepared to LOSE them FOREVER. The whole trick is based on their dirty game: they know they are not going away forever, they know they'll be back, they know they'll get everything their way, and they know they will do it again. Well, if you don't let them come back, they can't do it again, now can't they? You can only win if you tell them "You left - so stay there. I don't want you anymore. When you leave once, that's it, I am done with you." You can take them back after a lot of begging - if you still want them. In my case, I don't want my husband back because he was telling me for three years he wanted me out of his life and he treated me like crap. I moved out, I am doing fine, I am done with him. I have no regrets and there's nothing from the marriage that I miss because he was a terrible husband. He didn't even make love with me. He told me he was disgusted by me. All this while I was desperately trying to work on the marriage, while I spent years crying, trying to figure him, to contrive a solution for our relationship, and begging him to give us a chance. In my heart and mind, it's over. You always know when it's over.
Ginger79 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I'm just wondering if the person who initiates the break-up is always the bad person? What if I initiate the break-up because I'm truly stressed, depressed and need to clear my head about what I really want? And the guy is perfect. I just don't feel the passion or compatibility and I freak out about the lifestyle we want to live when we're older (different ideas). Will I get the karma too because I broke up with someone who's perfect, compassionate and whom I love very much simply because I can forsee a lot of issues that we both need to sort through first?
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