Wicked Child Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 So I met this incredible musician a couple weeks ago, and we had instant chemistry. He's a couple years younger than I, so that kinda bugs me, but I can get past it...We spent the next entire week together, going out, being affectionate and such. I haven't had a connection like this with someone in over 7 years, so I'm still a bit clouded. Here's my problem. We had a minor argument over something dumb...Basically, he acted in such a way that brought out aggravation and really crappy feelings in me that I had in a previous rel. I know I shouldn't make him suffer for the crap that my ex did to me (we were involved for 6 years) however, I can't help but think that it's only the tip of the iceberg. He needs constant reassurance that i'm into him, and is always fishing for me to say sweet things to him and be all drippy cute. That's not me...and I reserve talk like that to when I feel like it...It always seems like he gets really down when I don't say things he wants me to, and it's really aggravating me. To top things off, we are totally different morally and spiritually, and he feels the need to make snarky comments whenever I talk about stuff we are not in agreeance with. (He doesn't like my sexual past, the fact that I drink, and most of all, the fact that I don't believe in god, heaven, or hell) He takes my discussion of those as personal attacks against him, and it always seems to bring him down and gets to a point where it just seems like he wants me to agree with him and abandon my beliefs. I told him I wouldn't and it made him super salty (but when he tells me that he won't back down or compromise his beliefs, and I tell him I don't expect him to and he shouldn't expect me to, he STILL gets pissy and snarky on me.) I avoided his calls one night because he had aggravated me and I didn't want to say something i'd regret, and he seriously went nutso about it, thinkin that I hated him and all this cracked out stuff. I still don't think he believes that I was just aggravated, and he keeps pushing at it, which aggravates me more. I expressed my concern about our morals clashing with each other, and causing problems should we decide to become exclusive...and he just thinks it's an excuse to get rid of him...WTF do I do? I kinda don't want to put up with this, cos it doesn't seem worth the hassle. I mean nobody wants someone that needs constant reasssurance about their feelings and crap like that...But I kinda feel like I should just give it a chance since it's been so long...and Maybe i'm just nervous about making a commitment...I don't know...it ticks me off. Oh, and I forgot to mention he has kind of a bad case of OCD...So that really complicates things...At the risk of sounding like a total douchebucket, I don't really want to take on someone else's issues in addition to my own...I'm kinda happy with my permanent booty call that I have...(which new guy does not know about). Blargh. Advice totally welcome.
Lucky_One Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I don't see much to build a relationship on. So what exactly is your question? How to tell him that you two just aren't compatible for the long-term?
Author Wicked Child Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 I guess it's more of a question of how to remain friends..and do it in such a way to make him comfortable...although it seems like he's just terminally uncomfortable. I guess I also am just wondering if my annoyances are valid or it seems like I'm subconsciously trying to sabotage things...Kinda feels like a repeat of my past and I don't like that...but I don't want to punish someone else for my past...yanno?
Lucky_One Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Is he someone you would normally pick for a friend? Totally different moral and religious beliefs? Needs constant reassurance? goes nutso if you aren't available? It's not like you are going to out for drinks after work every Thursday....
Author Wicked Child Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Yeah, he and I get along really well. I'm just not sure if trying to do that romantically is a good idea given his apparently fragile self. He seems really intent on placing a label and getting a bona fide answer on committing. I can't do that yet...yanno?
Lucky_One Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 In that case, i am really not a good person to give you advice. My friends and I generally agree on big things like the existence of God, we all drink, we don't freak out if we don't hear from the others in a reasonable amount of time, and we don't need constant reassurance that we are still friends and that we still care about each other. Good luck!
Author Wicked Child Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Well thank you. I really just kinda needed to get this crap off my chest....and I'm the same way with my friends, and we don't judge people on anything...So hard to try and explain something to someone you know won't understand...I swear, I end up being attracted to some of the strangest men...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Why on earth would the OP give such a person the time of day??
Recommended Posts