jingaling Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Ok, me and my boyfriend of 5 years broke up around a week ago. He broke up with me because my depression and low self-esteem was making me unbearable. It was over the phone (semi-LDR) and the worst thing is that I don't know what to do. In the same conversation we both cried and he said when I was happy he was the happiest guy on the planet and that he still loves me but we can't even think of having a relationship until it's sorted. I pushed him away by being so depressed. He said I'd let him down by not trying hard enough to get help (I had tried my uni counselling service but no luck) and that 'we'd talk' when I'm better. I tried (stupidly) to speak to him a few times but we both got upset and he said he wasn't changing his mind (I know it's the worst thing to do) I am absolutely devastated that it's come to this.I love him very much. He said it's definately over (not a break) but phoned me the other day to see how I am. I am starting to get the help I need and he wants to know how it's going. He says there are no guarantees for us in the future but still won't talk with me about whats happened until I'm better. When we spoke when he phoned the other day he sounded so happy to talk to me but I don't know what to think anymore. He is letting me back in slowly I think. I'm getting better for me right now, but I know there is stuff left unsaid and the way he is saying we'll talk when I'm better is weird and confusing. Is there anything I can do?
hopesndreams Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I am starting to get the help I need and he wants to know how it's going. He says there are no guarantees for us in the future but still won't talk with me about whats happened until I'm better. When we spoke when he phoned the other day he sounded so happy to talk to me but I don't know what to think anymore. He is letting me back in slowly I think. Through good times and bad your man should stick by ya. The going got tough and the tough got going. He doesn't have the guts to tell you the facts because of your depression. Don't fall for it. Get the help you need, have a clear head..then you decide what's best for you...not the other way around.
Author jingaling Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 I probably didn't explain myself too well. I did really push him away with my behaviour, it must have been exhausting for him really. I don't judge him for what he did. I just wish he could make things clear for me, I don't think saying 'we'll talk when you're feeling better' helps me but he refuses to talk about it to me. I think I do need the time to figure stuff out though.
Rogue52 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 It sounds like the relationship is hard right now for him because of your emotional problems. You need to seek professional help which you are doing. While you are dealing with these tough things, he lives the life of a single man. When you're healthy, he gets 'his girl' back. If you guys had only been together a short time, I don't think there would be anything wrong with what he is doing. Since you've been together 5 years, he doesn't want to work hard in a relationship anymore. This most likely would have come out in the future anyway in some form or another. Hopefully when you're better, you'll realize that he should have stuck around to help you through this tough time.
Author jingaling Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 It probably sounds silly, but even if that is true (I don't think he is hiding stuff because of the way I'm feeling, he's a rubbish liar), I still don't know what to do if he refuses to talk to me about things 'until I'm better'. It's not enough closure if that makes sense.
quankanne Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 actually, what he's said makes perfect sense to me: Until you are in a position where you are psychologically grounded – and have been for some while – it's just not a smart move to discuss y'alls future together. It might be his way of ensuring that you do get the help you need, it might be a way to distance himself from the fallout that surrounds you when you aren't caring properly for yourself ... or it might be a way of protecting your relationship until it comes a time that y'all can properly discuss things because you're psychologically in a position to do so. so ... start focusing on healing yourself. Once you've got that in hand, you can focus on the relationship without any situations/problems plaguing it.
lonelygurl Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 personally I would get the help you need for your depression, which can take years to work on. and then find yourself a new man that can support you with that. Depression is a life long battle and you need someone who can be there for you through the ups and downs. I am realizing through my therapy that the guy I was with for seven years just couldn't support me and he betrayed me and it hurts. I have several women in my group therapies that have husbands that are very supportive of them and it is wonderful to see. I wish I could have had that. Depression is hard on everyone. I also suffer from severe anxiety, but someone who really loves you can do more to support you like the other poster said. Love is suppose to be in sickness and in health through good times and bad. My pdocs and counselors have explained Depression is a disease that needs to be managed for life. JMO
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