AlishaR Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I am recently married, My husband and i always have had a rocky relationship. But I still love being married. But apparently he doesnt. He plays this damn game constantly... World of warcraft and it has ruined our relationship. Hes left me becuz he says we fight to much, however all this guy wants to do is play this horrible additictive game. He moved back with his parents and telling them he just cant live with me anymore and of course they are buying it. Although they have failed to realize that there married son has been having a love affair with his computer. We havent talked in almost 2 months and as far as i know he wants out of the marriage. Is he going to cometo his sences? Or is this game going to be his new wife? HELP ME PLEASE!
DJMarky Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Sounds like he really doesn't have his priorities right. Maybe when he realises his computer isn't as good in bed as you (unless you really were horrible ) he will come back to his senses. Though that being said, that should not be the reason he comes back to you. I say, move on, he isn't going to get anywhere in life dedicating himself to WoW. I mean, i've played the game, and it's good but there is a line, some people don't know where it is. He needs help, just like an alcoholic. You can either try and help (not sure how to do that - he will probably be in denial about being addicated and/or ignore you) or move on and realise he wasn't a prize catch. Though, the fact you guys are married probably means it will be more difficult than that, and it used to be a lot better than it is now (but isn't that how all relationships end?). Good luck.
Island Girl Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 There are a lot of women out there in the same boat. The opinion seems to be that these "gamers" consistently put everything aside for their games. Everything that isn't a necessity. They will go to work but free time is planned around gaming. Wasn't he like this before you married him? If not, well, you may have a chance at waking him up. If he was like this then you got the same thing in a husband that you had in a boyfriend. Vows do not change the person into someone else.
Trojan John Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I've seen and read about people like this often. They will play to the detriment of their health, relationships, jobs, education, etc. Nothing short of deleting the account, blocking the IP and pouring water into the computer will be able to help with the addiction.
Enema Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 People are quick to blame what they want to blame. You haven't mentioned what's wrong with your relationship or what about him playing the game is bad. What's your definition of "too much"? You said you have "always had a rocky relationship". Even before world of warcraft? Is this really the cause of your problems, or just a convenient scapegoat?
motive2002 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 This game is seriously addictive and I can attest to that, having played quite a lot of it myself. It's no joke. I'm almost positive there will come a time when it is addressed as a serious addiction, like cocaine or heroin. I am not joking. I still play a lot of it, but I have tried to give myself extended breaks from it. I only spend long periods of time playing it when my irl friend is online, otherwise I try to find other things to occupy my time.
Author AlishaR Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Motive2002, My husbands name on that game is from the Book Wheel of times. I think the name is lewstherian. If u see him on there, tell him to get off and come back to his Wife!!!
Enema Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 It's a great way to fill up spare time. I've been playing it since the closed beta in 2004. I just want more information on why WoW is the problem. She's quick to blame it, but doesn't back it up with anything. LoL @ AlishaR... there are 11 million subscribers and more than 100 servers. The odds of someone here running into your husband are practically nil.
Meaplus3 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 WOW! I would say his priorities are way off here. It sounds to me like he needs some professional help. I mean to leave his wife and run to his folks place to play a video game? That's just messed up IMO. Have you suggested therapy or counseling to him? Mea:)
Author AlishaR Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 look him up, cant u search people on the stupid thing? He plays it more then we have sex , does that answer ur question? Im HOT and only 24 with a rocken body... Hello, whats more appealing? LOOK HIM UP
Author AlishaR Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Thanks, I agree, hes not realizing that the game is the problem, hes evern denying that hes playing it. Although my friends also play and say they can see him on there always! hes blaming me for our issues... mean while ever fight is becuz hes not playing enough attention to me and playing that all the time,
Author AlishaR Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Spoken like a true WOW player... of course u'll say that
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I've heard some horrible things about WoW - I think there are even online forums for "WoW widows" - women whose husbands play the game to the detriment of their relationship to anyone in the outside world. Personally, I think RPGs are a bit juvenile. It's strange (to me, at least) to have the desire to create an alternate persona in a fictional reality. Why not just go outside and live your life and interact with real people, sans medeival imagery and multisyllabic names?? IN any event, I don't think you will have much success wooing your H back unless he admits he has a problem and takes steps to address it himself.
phineas Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I started playing because my real life friends were playing. with my wife working evenings & me watching the kids at night I couldn't really go out unless I got a baby sitter. So my options when the kids go to sleep is watch tv or play wow. I played wow. We have a vent server & can talk to each other while we play. My need to play is mostly gone. I can go days without even thinking of playing. But when I do the main draw is I can talk to my friends, go into a dungeon with them & work out strategies for killing the bad guys. This is what makes it enjoyable for me. The questing to maximum level was the addicting part for me. I have zero desire to level more characters. It takes too long & started feeling like work. Mostly because my friends played even more than me & I was always playing catch-up with them.
Meaplus3 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 look him up, cant u search people on the stupid thing? He plays it more then we have sex , does that answer ur question? Im HOT and only 24 with a rocken body... Hello, whats more appealing? LOOK HIM UP Then you need to tell him this. If you love him and wish to see your marriage work.. then you will do that. I don't know much about wow, but it sounds like his addiction is way out of hand. Any chance he could be depressed? Mea:)
clv0116 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I've played World of Warcraft since almost the time it was introduced but unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view) I can't really get into online games much. I probably play 1-2 hours a week on a good week. Since I live far from my family and both my brothers are also casual players it's nice to make a few calls and meet up online for some virtual facetime. The brother who is married also plays the game with his wife. Have you considered trying to take an interest in the game with your husband? Set up a second PC beside his and spend time with him in a shared activity? As I see it, either you two are not compatible and the game is his escape, or the game is dividing you. If you game with him you can figure out which it is.
Author AlishaR Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Yes a very good chance hes depressed and he has been for a while. But blaming me and the marriage and abondoning it isnt the answer. Im deadicated to my marriage and '' leave him and find someone new '' isnt the advice im looking for, I dont just walk out of my marriage " the way he did " Im just wanting to know your take on it. Will he snap out of this in time? We fight alot and hes saying he cant take that, Well then lets work on it together right? He wont talk to me right now, so im not bothering him either im giving him space. But the game is a huge reason we would fight so much. Im young but not going to just leave becuz theres other men out there. im going to try in my marriage.
Els Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 How was he like before you got married? Is this a new thing? Alisha, it's hard for us to know if he really is addicted and you've got to tackle that, or if he just plays like it's a normal hobby and your relationship problems have other root causes, because you aren't answering many of the questions that people asked you in the previous posts. How much of his free time does he spend playing? 'More than sex' doesn't mean anything, gaming for two hours a day if you don't have a pressing schedule is hardly addicted in my book, most people read or watch TV more than that. But one would be rather hard-pressed to have sex two hours a day everyday, I'm sure. I don't agree that playing with him is going to solve anything if she already harbours resentment towards it and is only doing it because it's the only way she can spend time with him. If he really is as 'addicted' as she claims, more than likely he's committed to a guild and raids. That is NOT usually a good environment for gaming with one's SO. Trust me. What other problems did you have that caused your relationship to be rocky?
Meaplus3 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Yes a very good chance hes depressed and he has been for a while. Then if that is the case getting to the root as to why could really help here. But blaming me and the marriage and abondoning it isnt the answer. Im deadicated to my marriage and '' leave him and find someone new '' isnt the advice im looking for, I dont just walk out of my marriage " the way he did " Im just wanting to know your take on it. Will he snap out of this in time? We fight alot and hes saying he cant take that, Well then lets work on it together right? He wont talk to me right now, so im not bothering him either im giving him space. Not bothering him and giving him space is NOT going to fix the problem.. it will only force his behavior to continue. This is where a good MC could help out. Would he be willing to try counseling? Mea:)
Els Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Btw, I actually did try to look him up, heh. Unfortunately, you got the name wrong. Fortunately, I did read the Wheel of Time series and guessed what it actually was. Unfortunately, there are 93 characters spread out over the servers with that name. So I'm afraid noone can dig him out for you without more info, my dear. Also, since I am bored (maintenance day!), I looked up all those at max level. All except the one from Sargeras and the one from Skywall (servers) have the horriblest gear ever. So if he's one of the rest, he probably plays like 3 hours a week.
rod_in_gtown Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I started playing WoW on the onset of my divorce, in hindsight I used it as an escape, she had already moved out and I was very unhappy with my life. I found that the social aspect of the game served as an alternate to the reality that was my life at the moment. I played for 2 years straight, never a huge gamer in trying to get tons of gear but I did join a guild in an RPG server that was heavy on RPG. After 2 years I slowed down and I eventually stopped about a year ago. I still love the game but I realize that my real life is more important to me. You still haven't answered whether or not he was a gamer before you met or got married or if this is a new development. Though from your posts it seems that he was a gamer before since the fights revolve around his gaming habit. He probably feels "she knew I was a gamer when we got married and now she doesn't want me to play anymore", if this is the case, you need to learn to strike a compromise between his gaming and your life together. Nagging him about how you don't spend time with him will only encourage him to spend more time playing the game. Break the circle, approach him in a positive way, not a negative way.
rod_in_gtown Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Another option is for you to play with him, in my time playing online I ran into a few couples who would play together, and from conversations with them I always got the notion that it brought them closer together.
Author AlishaR Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Ok, so whats the correct spelling? and what info do u need? And no he plays more like 40 hours a week, lol. wanna email me ?[email protected].
Els Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 It was lewstherin, I suppose. Server will do, since duplicate names can't be used on the same server. However, assuming I do find him out, there isn't anything I can really do, you know. I can't hack him or anything of the sort, and it'd be pointless really, he'd just get into another game. I agree that 40 hours a week is way overkill for someone with a wife and a job! My ex was addicted as well, and I feel for you.
Author AlishaR Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 I know people that can hack him, Dont worry about that,
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