HurtandLost Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I have gone through this once and have been able to persevere the pain, but this time I'm having trouble letting go and forgetting. I just ended a 9 month relationship with a girl that dumped me. Because I had been burned bad once before I was very hesitant to open up to anyone in so long because I know how it feels to be hurt. I started dating this girl last June and helped her out over the summer when her dad kicked her out of her house. I offered for her to live with me a while until she straightened her life out. She ended up living with me for about 3-4 months, until finally her grandmother agreed to let her move in with her. During the time she lived with me I never once asked for rent or any sort of money. I felt that I was being a nice boyfriend by helping her out through her tough times. We began falling hard for each other while we lived together, but things started becoming more difficult when she moved to her grandmother's house. She never had a car because she could not afford one, so once again I thought I was doing the right thing by giving her rides to and from work while trying to hold a 40 hour job and 14 hours of school. At one point it got too hectic and I told her I needed a break. She willingly agreed and began helping me with gas money and would try very hard at times to find her own rides to and from work. Everything was completely back to normal and we spend every moment we had together. However, her mom and dad had convinced her that the best choice for her would be to join the Air Force, in order to have her school paid for her after she had served her time. We would have long talks about whether or not she should go. I could tell deep down inside she didn't want to go, but told her it was the best choice. When it came down to the day she was leaving I poured out my heart for the first time, which was a big problem I had throughout the relationship. I was still extremely sweet and loving, I just wouldn't express the amount of love she really wanted. She leaves to the Air Force and I am left to take my finals which were very stressful at the time. She would call me about once a week and we would talk for as long as she was allowed. She even would write me letters saying the sweetest things in the world, but I made the mistake and didn't write her back because I was EXTREMELY busy because I was working two jobs and registering for a new university. The calls began slowing down around the middle of January, then eventually stopped altogether. I continued with what I was doing which was school, and trying to adjust to my new apartment and new job. Then all of a sudden, towards the end of February I receive a text message from her asking me how I was doing and telling me that she was going to be getting out soon because she was being medically discharged for a hip fracture. We talked a lot through the text messages and she made everything seem like it was normal and would constantly tell me she loved me, just the way it was before she left. She even started calling me everyday because one of the friends she had made had snuck a cell phone into boot camp. She finally gets out of the Air Force, and calls me the very next day. Immediately I was excited and suggested we should see each other. She agreed and I headed back home to go see her. Then out of nowhere I receive a text message saying she didn't think it was a good idea we see each other. I respected her wishes and left her alone. Then about an hour later she calls me and says she wants to see me all of a sudden, under one condition which was no sex. By this time I'm at my house, and head towards hers to go see her. I surprise her with a teddy bear, a dozen roses, a green tea(which was always her favorite) and a little bag of M&Ms. We see each other, and the moment she sees me she begins kissing me, hugging me, telling me she loved me. We have a great night, and her one condition went out the window at some point. We agree to see each other the next day, however I can tell something was different because normally she would call me in the morning when she would wake up. This time she didn't call me, so i waited till about noon called her and she asked me to go pick her up. We hang out and have a great time together again, but has her phone off the entire time and kept asking to use mine to call her friend she was staying with. I didn't think of it initially but it all started to click pretty fast. She also kept telling me that she didn't want to leave and go back to Washington, which is where her mom lived, but said it was her obligation. I respected her for it, so I didn't force her to make any decision. The last day we hang out is on a Saturday, having another amazing day and ended by saying I love you, gives me a kiss then walks inside. I call her that night because I feel as if things were great, but she doesn't answer and then calls me back an hour later telling me she was taking a shower and was now going to sleep. I could hear a coldness in her voice, but refused to accept it because she says she would call me in the morning. At this point I had enough, because I waited till about 3:30 in the afternoon, and still received no call. I decided to call her, didn't pick up, but then she calls me back 15 minutes later. We talk for about 5 minutes and she is telling me she hadn't slept the night before because she had been upset. I acted like I didn't care and told her I had some of her stuff still that she needed to pick up. That was the last time we spoke; I tried calling later that night to apologize for being so cold to her, but she ignored my calls and never called me back. The next day she removed me as a friend on facebook, myspace, took down all the pictures we had together and set her profile to private.... I soon found out why she did all that, which was because she was already seeing someone else she had met while in the Air Force, but couldn't have the decency of telling me. I would have understood if she could of been upfront with it, instead she led me on and made it seem we were going to be able to make it. I feel sooooo used beyond belief, and feel like I was her doormat until she could find someone else. I have been reading everyone's threads and I know the answer to this is NO CONTACT whatsoever, but I don't feel any closure. There was no goodbye, NOTHING! I did everything for her and tried to be the best boyfriend I could be. I haven't tried to contact her for 2 weeks now, but I would assume some of the pain would subside by now; however everyday I feel the need for the closure and don't want her to forget me or everything I did for her. I did make the mistake and checked her myspace profile picture which turned out being her and her new boyfriend, which did set me back.... I really don't think she is coming back, which kills me and I don't think for one sec she is going to consider her decision a mistake. I'm sorry for the very long story, I just needed to get this off my chest so I can get some sleep for school tomorrow. I am hoping you'll can give me some advice or input. I don't want you'll to think I'm a wuss, but need to figure out if I should send her one message on Myspace telling her how I feel, or if I should just leave it alone altogether, which is proving to be extremely tough....... I appreciate any comments or remarks. Thanks...
kizik Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Ok from what I can see, you have been a great guy to this girl and just because she is with another man does not mean your chance has gone. I completely disagree. Your chance is gone. Do you really have such low self-esteem that you are going to take her back if her relationship with the new guy doesn't work out? You're OK with being her sloppy seconds? I say, screw that. Stop living your life for her. Live life for you. She's gone, she hurt you, and you don't ever want to give someone like that a second chance. You'll be fine as long as you accept it's over, get angry, and resolve to not talk to this woman again.
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