john 07 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 So i have been in LDR for 2 months now. My GF got a new job and moved 800 miles away. So something that was big in both of our relationship was the sex. We would both equally initiated sex. We used to average about 5 to 6 times a week while in school. I went to visit her for spring break and something i realized immidiately is that she didnt want the sex as much as wanted to. She also never initiated the sex when we did do it. She also told me she just didnt crave it as she used to. I feel like I pushed her to have sex. I just feel worried that something is wrong. I also feel like I dont attract her as much as i used to. She said it might be the Birth control pills shes on but i dont beleive her. This is b/c she has been on the pill since september and nothing was wrong back then. I just feel this is all of a sudden. Should i be suspecting somthing? She still says she loves me. I dont know....Im scared and confused. I just dont feel as wanted/attractive to her...
LonelyTiger Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I would love to offer you some words of comfort here John but the signs are not good. Whatever is going on could depend on a lot of things ie 1) How long have you guys been together and how serious is this relationship? 2) Is this your GFs first time away from home/school? 3) Did she choose to go 800 miles away or was it necessary? 4) Did you discuss the future before she went? 5) Are you planning to join her at some point or is her job temporary? You really need to talk to her about what's going on. If she's starting a new life and making new friends 800 miles away from you and there's been no mention of you joining her or of her coming back home, then her apparent lack of interest in you sexually could mean that she's moving on. She may well still love you but LDRs require a lot of commitment and communication - from both sides - and even the best relationship will struggle to stay alive if the period of separation is indefinite. If your sex life was great before she went, and you've been apart for some time, I would expect her to be all over you whenever you meet up. I can't speak for other people but I don't see my husband for months on end and we're 'making up for lost time' as soon as he walks through the door! On a more positive note it could just be that she's stressed with her new job and lifestyle and maybe feeling lonely and struggling to fit in - all that is likely to affect her interest in sex (however infrequently she sees you). If you really love her and you think you have a future you definitely need to get to the bottom of this. Have a really good heart to heart and get all your worries out in the open - she'll either put your mind at rest or, if not, you may save yourself some heartache in the long run. I really hope it works out for you.
Author john 07 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 1) How long have you guys been together and how serious is this relationship? 2) Is this your GFs first time away from home/school? 3) Did she choose to go 800 miles away or was it necessary? 4) Did you discuss the future before she went? 5) Are you planning to join her at some point or is her job temporary? To answer some of these questions 1. we have been in a serious relationship for a little over a year now 2. This is her first time away from home 3. Her only job offers were all by the east coast which is all about 800-900 miles awasy 4. We did talk about this before she left. Ultimately she wants to come back near home. she does not like it out on the coast 5. I would like to join her but it depends where i get a job once i graduate. She wants me to come join her out by the coast. To be honest I was expecting her to be all over me since we havent seen each other in a while. But it was only me all over her. I dont get it. She even bought the plane ticket to go see her.
alphamale Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Should i be suspecting somthing? yes you should. when a woman puts an embargo on the sex then something is MAJORLY wrong.
sally4sara Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Maybe she believes the stereotype of men being unable to not chase skirt when away from their wife/GF. If she suspects you've been unfaithful while she's been away, she might avoid sex. Just a thought.
LonelyTiger Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 As your relationship is an established one and you have been planning a joint future, the best thing you can do is talk about it until you get some answers. Unless she has a physical problem (in which case she should see a Dr) her loss of interest in sex will be a symptom of something that's going on in her head. It may be stress, unhappiness, loneliness etc - which is very likely to affect her sex drive. It may be that she doesn't feel as close or as intimate with you because of the physical distance and the long periods of time you're spending apart - possibly she needs a bit more romance when you're together to recreate the emotional bond (you may already be doing this). It may also be that she's enjoying her freedom and starting to look around. There are lots of things that could be going on here - probably many more than I have suggested - so you really need to talk to her and find out what. If she won't tell you or doesn't want to talk then that doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship - especially if you're going to be living apart for quite a while. Good luck - hope it works out for you.
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I would pay attention to the people she talks about. If there are any men who she regularly hangs out with or works with, she might have developed a crush on someone else.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 i agree with everyone coming from a girl who loves sex when i use to date when i didnt want to have sex no more it was cause i was already over the dude and wanted new fresh meat lol no but seriously ive been with my man for almost 2 years now and i still want sex like if it was the honeymoon stage so i agree with what everyone else thinks that something is wrong a year is still so new to me....
MinusTwo Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Be happy you get it as much as you do, try dating someone who just had a child... I'm lucky to get it once a month!
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 She is on the way out of the relationship. Either she met someone new, or her life is taking a direction that doesn't include you. Sorry to be so blunt, but in cases like this, the simplest answer is usually the one that it turns out to be.
Rooster_DAR Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 She is on the way out of the relationship. Either she met someone new, or her life is taking a direction that doesn't include you. Sorry to be so blunt, but in cases like this, the simplest answer is usually the one that it turns out to be. I agree here as well, she has lost something and it sounds like her interests have deviated from you. Someone else in the picture is a good possibility.
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Could be a multitude of things. My boyfriend wants sex less but I think his is down to work stress (he works constantly), being tired from work and often having pain/numbness in sex. I still too got suspicious and worried....be honest about your worries....and see what she says.
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Here's my rule of thumb for long-distance - if the sex isn't constantly mind blowing, end the relationship. LDR is hard enough, you really want everything to be near-perfect to make it worth the hassle and delays where you don't even see your lover.
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