alasia Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 hi,very briefly my ex and i have 2 young children and have been together for 3yrs,although it has been very off-and-on. been together a year since the last break up! anyway my ex told me he was going to propose on valentines day - well he actually said he had a surprise but i got it out of him. he said now was the time to settle down,he loved me and the kids etc. that proposal never happened,he said he couldnt do it as id found out and he wanted it to be a surprise,but he would ask soon. hm. 2wks later we have a huge argument before he leaves for work and he doesnt come home. that nite,or ever. hes rented a room,a few days after the split he came round and was acting all coupley,and ended up saying we were bk together when i asked him. then he disappeared again! he also came round last monday, we went for a walk round town with the kids and he was holding my hand, cuddling and kissing me, when we got home he cuddled up with me on the sofa and he stayed the nite - although i didnt let anything happen. he said he would stay the next nite but we got into a slight row in the morning cos i kept asking where things were going. he said he didnt know,just wanted to stay a couple of nites and see how we got on. he didnt stay the 2nd nite and when i saw him next, he said when hes here and we are getting on, his feelings get stronger - then we argue and it makes him realise he cant be with me. the last few days hes broken his promises to see the kids and a couple of he was horrible,denying doing and saying everything that happened last monday in front of a female friend of his. apparently just a friend,shes admitted she has feelings for him,he says he doesnt though. i saw him today and he said he didnt want to get bk together,was sure as we just arent good together. at first he wouldnt say he didnt have feelings for me, then said he did but quickly added that he still cared. ugh. so anyway did he ever want to get bk together? he was implying that only a wk ago and if he meant it how can he change his mind so quickly? hes meant to be coming over in a couple of hours to see the kids,should i be friendly and have a laugh with him,or be cooler and pretty much ignore him? id usually start almost begging to try again,which i know i shouldnt do anymore. pls help! x
HurtandLost Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I understand you do have kids with this man, but I think it would be in your best interest to go NC until he stops playing with your feelings. Its seems to me as if he is unsure what he really wants and is stringing you along for the ride. You should make an effort to go NC, unless there is something about the kids. I guarantee once he sees you aren't his puppet and he can't continue toying with his feelings, he will either settle down or hopefully you will find happiness elsewhere. I don't think you should start seeing anyone else, but you need to think about yourself and your kids first. Do things with the kids, workout, go get a pedicure, manicure, new haircut. Give yourself the attention you are wanting and let him be. You sound like a sweet person and don't deserve to be treated like this.
Author alasia Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 hes just been round...i was so stupid, i ended up asking if there was any chance of trying again and he said maybe, he didnt know. he said when hes here and we just chat he loves it, its the arguments he cant stand. i did ask him to stay over - i know, im stupid! - and he said he would stay later on in the wk. something about wanting to stay when it suited him as well and not just when i wanted him to. am i right in thinking that if he wanted to be with me he would just move back in being as we have only been apart 3wks? cos he keeps saying we need to take it slowly and just see how we get on - because when we were together we argued every day towards the end. oh and to the above poster - i will consider going nc, thanks.
sugarmomma Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 YOu are giving him all the power by asking him to stay and where the relationship is going. I would suggest that you stop doing that and decide what you want. The relationship should not be based on his mood for the day. Stop being a wuss and kick him to the curb. He has left you numerous times and sees that he can come back whenever. I mean really, what do you expect form him? You are being a doomat.
kimbop Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Sugarmomma is right. Kick his no good piece of sh*t to the curb. I mean he sounds like he's using you like his personal Blockbuster. He comes in and rents for a night or two and then puts you back. You are not a motel with the vacancy sign always on. Don't you feel used and cheap after he's doing this off and on for how many years? You need to find that courage inside of you and say "I've had enough!" because you are worth more than that. He's old enough to have children then he should be old enough to bear the responsibility of becoming a father and a husband. Since he's shunning this responsibility, go after him for child support and shut him out of your life. If you don't, he'll continue to treat you like his personal bedwarmer that he can throw away at his whim.
Author alasia Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 he came over earlier and at one point said he still loves me, and asked to stay tonite so he could be here tomorrow "to spend all day with you and the kids". stupidly i agreed even though i knew deep down he wouldnt come back - and i was right. i just dont understand why he would bother to ask to stay over if he had no intention of turning up. i can see he might agree to stay the night if i was begging him to do it and he wanted to shut me up, but i never mentioned anything like that. so...why? i feel so stupid for believing him but dont want to cut him out totally, he is my kids dad after all... how should i handle him?
Truly Lost Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 It sounds to me like he has someone else he is trying to date. He tells you that he is going to stay the night, but then doesn't show up. If he is dating someone else, it would make sense to me that he would only be available for you when the OP isn't available for him. He made plans with you because he didn't have any concrete plans with the OP. But I guarantee, once he got in touch with the OP and made plans, he ditched you. You have kids with this man and he knows that you are going to be in his life forever. It sounds strange to me that he was going to propose then just takes it back. Something is up with that and I think it definately involves someone else. I say this because I dated someone who, out of the blue, one day didn't contact me again. Didn't answer my calls or return my messages. I couldn't understand what I did or what happened. Everything was fine and then the next it wasn't. Then he started calling me late at night leaving messages that he loved me and he was sorry. Then he came over for "booty calls" which I mistakenly thought was his attempt to get back together. He did this because he felt guilty for hurting me. Finally I put an end to it. Later I found out that he had been pining for an ex before he met me. Several months after we started dating, and getting serious, she came back into the picture again. Suddenly everything I went through with him meant nothing. He left me for the other girl and didn't have the courtesy to tell me what was up. I'm not saying your situation is at all like mine, but I can't imagine someone just turning cold and ending things abruptly, if there wasn't some kind of driving force, like a new love interest. I say, file for child support and make whatever custody arrangements necessary, but don't continue communicating with him. He will only hurt you more if you keep in touch.
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