LovieDove24 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Ok, this is a bit of a mommy vent. My daughter is 9 months old and her father and I are not together. He left me when I was 2 months pregnant but is actively involved in her life now. Anyways, I find myself so annoyed with his negative outlook it makes me want to scream. Simply put, I am optimistic, upbeat and caring, he is pessimistic, negative and says cruel comments. I know it sounds like I'm trying to make myself the hero and he the zero, but honest to god, this really is the way it is. He always says comments like "Who in this world can actually say they're happy?" and "Life's a bitch and then you die." He says cutting remarks to me too like "Your nose looks like a bird beak" and "Half the crap that comes out of your mouth is stupid as hell." I am an adult and while it still hurts me, I can take it. I'm not so sure about my daughter though as she grows up. I do not want my daughter to grow up thinking that this kind of behavior and life outlook is ok. I realize that I have her 80% of the time, but I know some girls cherish the ground that their fathers walk on...only time will tell in this case. I can't simply ask him to change his personality though. I'm at a loss for what to do. Of course I will continue to provide a good example myself, but short of that, is there anything else I can do?
JLee26 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 you do you and let him do him. even if its not a short term prize in the long run, your daughter will know where you stand and she will discover him for what he is.
Athena Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I agree with the above poster on you not trying to change him as a father. However when it comes to HIM talking to YOU --Put your foot down with him! Each time he says something unacceptable tell him, "Stop! That is rude and insulting, and I will not accept that. You need to be respectful of me, like I am of you" (re: insult about your nose). If you just ignore his negative comments, he will carry on with his habit... you have to 'call him' on them. Also, fathers will want to look good in their little girl's eyes, and he will watch what he says with her for that reason! ha ha Also, he might be purposefully reacting to you because he might be finding your upbeat, optimistic, chirpy manner annoying (yeah, I know that is HIS problem), so just tone it down a little when you are in front of him... thus making yourself less of a target... you are both winding each other up.
Mauschen Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I have 2 children with a terribly negative, emotionally abusive man. The kids know who he is at ages 4 and 6...and they strongly prefer my company. I never talk badly about him in their presence. Like your daughter's father, my children's father likes to make abusive comments about me. I tried to put my foot down, but it escalates things and he becomes more nasty. I just ignore him...which is the only way with him. And he also says things about me to my children (real winner!). Sometimes life isn't perfect, but if you keep your optimistic attitude, you will be the foundation of your daughter's life. Both of my children are wonderful, kind, happy people so far...and they love me very much despite their father's negativity towards me.
Author LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Aww thanks Mauschen. Thats really good to hear. I am curious though, does your ex ever talk negatively about your children or make cutting remarks? I don't want to jump the gun here but this is what I'm most worried about in my case. Its a little too soon to tell though.
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