A Hobby Can Get In Between a Relationship

March 23, 2009

Believe it or not this was another "Horse Girl" I had been corresponding with. We had nice chat conversations going the past week, and I was hinting around at meeting.

(Believe it or not, I live around a lot of horse farms and the like, a lot of hot girls riding horses, lol)

And she goes, "Well, I don't think we have much in common, I like to ride my horses"

Apparently she dated a guy that, after a time, demanded to get rid of her horses. So she dumped him.

Based on this experience, she assumes ANY man that isn't into "Riding Horses" will be incompatible with her.

I told her I'm into a lot of crap I KNOW most women won't be into, like Sci-Fi or Paintball, etc. You see me writing off women who don't like paintball or sci-fi? Nope.

So she's just basing an experience of dating a guy that took issue with her hobby, and labeling every guy she meets with the same outcome "if she dated that guy".

So it's really not about dating someone with the same hobby, it's about having had a BAD experience with an EX....that involved that SITUATION/Scenario that wound up as a BAD outcome. (Perhaps I should have given a different heading? LOL)

So she just assumes that if a guy doesn't ride horses, that EVERY guy she dates, will have the same outcome as her previous relationship, which is...of course I would think be irrational?

Anyone here ever do the same thing.

Not ever date a guy with blonde hair only because your previous boyfriend had blonde hair and that relationship was sour

Or, more commonly, won't date a guy with the same NAME as your ex?

Things like that?

That's kind of like saying, "I dated a guy with

March 23, 2009

you dated a guy with....??? I hope you didn't date a guy.

I can understand WHY people do that, I just think it's unfortunate because you could be writing off a lot of good people using silly criteria. Oh, well - her loss. Anybody that has to be talked into dating isn't worth the effort.

I'd have a hard time dating somebody with the same name as my ex. It would be WEIRD, but I can't say I'd totally write him off.

Have you ridden and decided you don't like it? Or you're not into it because you just never really got into it? My BF is a snowmobiling fool - has snowmobiled from the day he was born (yes, they snowmobiled him to the house when they brought him home from the hospital). I'm sure he wasn't anxious to get back into relationship with somebody that was anti-snowmobiling like his ex was. I wasn't "into" snowmobiling because I had never tried it - ever. If he had written me off because I wasn't INTO it, he would have thrown away a great relationship and a girl that, it turns out, loves to snowmobile.

March 23, 2009

you dated a guy with....??? I hope you didn't date a guy.

I can understand WHY people do that, I just think it's unfortunate because you could be writing off a lot of good people using silly criteria. Oh, well - her loss. Anybody that has to be talked into dating isn't worth the effort.

I'd have a hard time dating somebody with the same name as my ex. It would be WEIRD, but I can't say I'd totally write him off.

Have you ridden and decided you don't like it? Or you're not into it because you just never really got into it? My BF is a snowmobiling fool - has snowmobiled from the day he was born (yes, they snowmobiled him to the house when they brought him home from the hospital). I'm sure he wasn't anxious to get back into relationship with somebody that was anti-snowmobiling like his ex was. I wasn't "into" snowmobiling because I had never tried it - ever. If he had written me off because I wasn't INTO it, he would have thrown away a great relationship and a girl that, it turns out, loves to snowmobile.

Oh yeah, I've ridden on trail horses (guided tour) it was fun! Just never be something I'd really be into routinely though. Too much money, a lot to maintain, etc.

We had been having great chats back and forth, and she asked me how has the "online dating" been going, and I talked about how I had a lot of women on here who get cold feet about meeting, even after talking aw hile.

And that's when she goes, "Well, I'll have to level with you, you're not my type"

I go, "really what's your type?"

And she goes "I want to date a guy who is into horses as much as I am." Apparently its a serious passion with her. She owns 3 of them, apparently she live on a farm.

And I go, "Well, I'm into my thing, and well, I know ALOT of women that are dating or, for that matter, MARRIED to guys that aren't into the same thing they are.

I won't not NOT date a woman if she is into Crocheting or knitting or scrapbooking. But apparently, she's serious about dating a man who is into her hobby as she is (she doesn't do it professionally, she's actually a nurse...ironically who is not working due to a horse accident, which is terrible)

But, she lives in practically a one-stoplight town, and I mentioned, "Well, considering where you live, you really can't afford to be picky, lol"

Kind of joked around, because there's mostly retired 80 year olds where she lives.

Then I get the cliche'd "I know what I want, and I won't SETTLE" line. Seems to be a very popular line among singles. lol

March 23, 2009

If someone only wants to date someone who XYZ or has ABC or is GHJ, let them. That's THEIR PREFERANCE. Why are you constantly bebrudging one person or another's preferances?

For many, what YOU may consider a mere hobby, they consider a LIFESTYLE. There's a major difference, and I wouldn't blame anyone for looking for a mate who shares the same lifestyle. One who spends a good amount of time riding their horses outdoors is likely to be incompatible with someone who spends a good amount of time indoors playing sci-fi games.

Also, when speaking, one doesn't "go." They "say."

March 23, 2009

If someone only wants to date someone who XYZ or has ABC or is GHJ, let them. That's THEIR PREFERANCE. Why are you constantly bebrudging one person or another's preferances?

For many, what YOU may consider a mere hobby, they consider a LIFESTYLE. There's a major difference, and I wouldn't blame anyone for looking for a mate who shares the same lifestyle. One who spends a good amount of time riding their horses outdoors is likely to be incompatible with someone who spends a good amount of time indoors playing sci-fi games.

Also, when speaking, one doesn't "go." They "say."

Whatever Miss Grammar Police

I don't spend a good amount of time indoors, I kayak, play paintball (if you read my post, you would have seen that) and other activities as well.

March 23, 2009

The whole horse and equestrian thing can be one of those hobbies that is more like a lifestyle. When someone is involved to that degree - that probably would be happier with someone with a similar lifestyle.

March 23, 2009

The whole horse and equestrian thing can be one of those hobbies that is more like a lifestyle. When someone is involved to that degree - that probably would be happier with someone with a similar lifestyle.

So I guess dating women that are into

Horses and Harley's....apparently there's an incompatibility there?

March 23, 2009

You can't change others. Nor should you waste your time trying to do so.

March 23, 2009

Attraction isn't black and white, right or wrong Bells. If someone wants someone who lives on the moon, that's cool too. It's not as if she's rejecting you within a relationship or even has dated you. She's outright rejecting you at the start.

Why the negative spin on every woman? Why not look at it as being thankful for her upfront honesty? She could have dated you for months and months, using you until what she really wants, shows up.

Maybe it's time to stop resenting and analysing every rejection. Maybe it's time to set down your criteria and look for someone who meets your criteria. Let me guess, your criteria is "is she hawt?".

March 23, 2009

Attraction isn't black and white, right or wrong Bells. If someone wants someone who lives on the moon, that's cool too. It's not as if she's rejecting you within a relationship or even has dated you. She's outright rejecting you at the start.

Why the negative spin on every woman? Why not look at it as being thankful for her upfront honesty? She could have dated you for months and months, using you until what she really wants, shows up.

Maybe it's time to stop resenting and analysing every rejection. Maybe it's time to set down your criteria and look for someone who meets your criteria. Let me guess, your criteria is "is she hawt?".

Actually, she was more average looking, and kind of cute.

Nope, I don't ask for much actually. I don't have the unrealistic expectations that most women seem to have these days.

Seems people (even men) have this long laundry list of expectations that someone have to meet ALL of them, and if they don't, you're out.

I am open to dating plain looking women as well. What's funny is, even some overweight women want a "gorgeous" hunk, but I'm willing to accept them of their shortcomings.

My deal breakers aren't all that much.

I guess when it comes to actual activities (be it outdoors or indoors) I'm pretty open to most, I do like horseback riding, but not as often as she does. But I could never buy, maintain, feed, and invest money in such a hobby.

Even with the stuff I'm REALLY into, still...I don't require that of my mate...it might be a bonus

March 23, 2009

OMG bells, that's incredibly impressive that you're so open-minded about who you date!!!!!

Just stop the self-leveraging. Here's the reality of it. Women are rejecting you wholesale for assorted reasons of which just goes to prove...she's just not that into you!

So the question to ask yourself is why ALL of these women aren't that into you. Could it be something to do with your attitude? Or do you think you're just knocking'em dead with it?

March 23, 2009

But I could never buy, maintain, feed, and invest money in such a hobby.

You said it yourself. Her lifestyle involves an incredible amount of commitment and money, so she needs to find a partner that is compatible in that area. She knows this. A lot of women won't date a potential partner on the basis of a conflict that could occur if the relationship became very serious (ie. marriage). She will want a long-term partner who is willing to spend $800+ per month (or however much it is) on the horse lifestyle.

For example, I won't date a man who is religious because I know that no matter how much fun we have for the first little while, this will cause a conflict when marriage and children come up. It's my way of not bothering with a relationship that I KNOW will eventually end.

March 23, 2009

You said it yourself. Her lifestyle involves an incredible amount of commitment and money, so she needs to find a partner that is compatible in that area. She knows this. A lot of women won't date a potential partner on the basis of a conflict that could occur if the relationship became very serious (ie. marriage). She will want a long-term partner who is willing to spend $800+ per month (or however much it is) on the horse lifestyle.

For example, I won't date a man who is religious because I know that no matter how much fun we have for the first little while, this will cause a conflict when marriage and children come up. It's my way of not bothering with a relationship that I KNOW will eventually end.

Hm, I think I get it now.

So there are CERTAIN hobbies that conflict? (or is it a lifestyle?)

Is there a fine line between a hobby and a lifestyle? Don't get me wrong I like doing horseback riding once every few months, heck, I might learn how to ride when I'm dating her.

BUT...I couldn't do it everyday.

I'm not the kind of person that eats, breath and lives in a hobby, but I'm open to do a little "this n' that" in said hobby.

Now I HAVE known people with conflicting hobbies, or even MARRIAGES that seem to turn out okay as well, can you explain those? I'm a bit puzzled.

March 23, 2009

I totally applaud this woman for being up front and honest with you. What would you prefer....go out a couple of times and she just completely disappears? Stand you up on a date?

I am glad she knows what she is looking for and is upfront about it. If this is your idea of a bad online experience, then you are doing ok.

Maybe this was just her nice way of saying she isn't interested in Adult Trekkies....lol...j/k!!

March 23, 2009

I totally applaud this woman for being up front and honest with you. What would you prefer....go out a couple of times and she just completely disappears? Stand you up on a date?

I am glad she knows what she is looking for and is upfront about it. If this is your idea of a bad online experience, then you are doing ok.

Maybe this was just her nice way of saying she isn't interested in Adult Trekkies....lol...j/k!!

Well, I wouldn't mind a woman that could talk "nerdy" to me.

March 23, 2009

Did you exchange photos? Could be, also, she's just not into your look and was being nice and tactful.

March 23, 2009

Did you exchange photos? Could be, also, she's just not into your look and was being nice and tactful.

I guess...you see....typically, I don't even get a response....when I finally do get a response, and we get to corresponding.

(See, I'm so USED to being ignored right off the bat....I figure that if we go back and forth on the IM or emails, I figure she's interested).

I would REALLY like to establish at least a meeting , just a quick bite or something. But, I think some women can be skittish or something....or perhaps they like to FIND a reason

I'm really being honest at this point (not being difficult)

Of course, you might think, "Well it could have been something you said"

Believe me, I used to think "Was it something I said?" But if you go around wondering, "Was it something I said?"

For instance, I hope this MIGHT be a good example, where apparently I had a woman who wanted to "try giving my car a drive"

Now, I wonder to this day where I didn't want her doing it (for insurance liability reasons). I guess she thought I was being a numnut or a stick in the mud for not letting her drive.

It's something I would say, but.....they never tell you that they were turned off by it.

I have never propositioned a girl sexually online like most men do.

(had this one woman that I IM'ed ask me, "You're not going to proposition me, are you?"

I said, "No...sorry, lol"

I got a good one for you, perhaps you can interpret this.

I "Suggested" paintballing for our date to a woman....just a suggestion, and I got a sense that she might not be into it....and I said, "well, we could grab a bite or something....'

ANd she goes, "Well, I would like to try it" and I go "you sure?" And she goes, "Yeah, it sounds like fun!"

I guess she thought about it, and she seemed to be really keen on it.

We went to play she was geared up (camo and all) and we did our thing.

Well, short time into it, when we were on a break, she appeared to be getting a migraine or a serious headache.

I'm a very sensitive guy, and she didn't seem well, and I wanted to accomdate her....when I see a woman in distress, I want to accomdate her. I go, "Are you alright, I got some aspirin in the car"

( I even made lunch for us )

But near the end, she raelly didn't seem to enjoy herself at all. I was kind of concerned because she didn't seem well.

And I felt bad that she might not have had a good time. She was kind of quiet on the ride home, but she gave me a hug goodbye. I think she pretended to have a good time, but her emotions seemed othewise.

She went home, and I sent her an email to see if she was okay, and suggested that perhaps if we go out again, we can do something a bit more low key.

All I got was a "No"

And nothing more. She never explained anything, no why's or how's...just a simple "no"

I could retrace steps through out the day and try to figure out if I did something wrong...but I can't do that. It would be crazy.

I hope the paintball date kind of shed some light on things. I wasn't a dill weed on these dates.

But TYPICALLY, it's hard to even get a meeting out of a woman. I would see her pic, she'd see mine, and if they DO respond, I figured they'd be interested.

March 23, 2009

Bells - I am going to assume that you are not being intentionally obtuse:

Hobbies like Horse Back Riding, Harleys, Ballet, Race Car Driving, can all be very involved, expensive, and time consuming. In fact , enthusiasts of these hobbies often flock together because their interest is so consuming it touches various aspects of their lives such as: Work Schedule, Vacation Destinations, A Daily Committment of Several Hours, Priorities. In other words: A Life Style

Any hobby can become that way I suppose, but some more commonly than others.

Hobbies like stamp collecting, spectator sports, and photography may not be as inclusive.

March 23, 2009

But TYPICALLY, it's hard to even get a meeting out of a woman. I would see her pic, she'd see mine, and if they DO respond, I figured they'd be interested.

I think in the situation of on-line dating, you should consider everything before the second date as a willingness to get to know you, rather then actual interest.

I haven't spent much time with on-line dating because in the few experiences I had with it - I did end up being a girl-jerk. Yes, I failed to return phone calls or messages or I would act nice on the date and then go home and not give the guy a second thought. And no it's not because I'm all that - it's because with on-line dating, you don't really get a "feel" of how the person moves, speaks, behave, etc.

Now, I do get that you're a gentleman on your dates, but have you considered asking friends of yours (preferably girls ) who could give you advice on how you carry yourself? Maybe you're unaware of something small and easy to fix, like bad breath, being a close-talker, what have you. Or maybe you have the problem that I used to have which is that I would get so nervous that I would monopolize the conversation and just plain old try too hard.

March 23, 2009

Bells - I am going to assume that you are not being intentionally obtuse:

Hobbies like Horse Back Riding, Harleys, Ballet, Race Car Driving, can all be very involved, expensive, and time consuming. In fact , enthusiasts of these hobbies often flock together because their interest is so consuming it touches various aspects of their lives such as: Work Schedule, Vacation Destinations, A Daily Committment of Several Hours, Priorities. In other words: A Life Style

Any hobby can become that way I suppose, but some more commonly than others.

Hobbies like stamp collecting, spectator sports, and photography may not be as inclusive.

Yes, most of what I do is recreational I suppose, kayaking, recreational hobbies, non-competitive sports, some casual stuff as well. Casual horseback riding that is.

But I guess casual isn't enough for some people?

Though, like I said, I have known married people to be complete opposites in that regard. I am actually talking to a motorcyclist (Rides a Suziki)

And i asked her if she would date a non-rider, and she said "Sure I wouldn't have a problem with that.

SO I guess it depends on the person.

March 23, 2009

I think in the situation of on-line dating, you should consider everything before the second date as a willingness to get to know you, rather then actual interest.

I haven't spent much time with on-line dating because in the few experiences I had with it - I did end up being a girl-jerk. Yes, I failed to return phone calls or messages or I would act nice on the date and then go home and not give the guy a second thought. And no it's not because I'm all that - it's because with on-line dating, you don't really get a "feel" of how the person moves, speaks, behave, etc.

Now, I do get that you're a gentleman on your dates, but have you considered asking friends of yours (preferably girls ) who could give you advice on how you carry yourself? Maybe you're unaware of something small and easy to fix, like bad breath, being a close-talker, what have you. Or maybe you have the problem that I used to have which is that I would get so nervous that I would monopolize the conversation and just plain old try too hard.

Well, I did have a couple of female friends volunteer advice/info. And they tell me that I'm a great guy and have a lot to offer these women.

Was never given any real criticisms I suppose from my closest female friends.

March 23, 2009

Well, I did have a couple of female friends volunteer advice/info. And they tell me that I'm a great guy and have a lot to offer these women.

Was never given any real criticisms I suppose from my closest female friends.

Bells, here's some straight up criticism. If you spend as much time nitpicking prospective dates, as you spend time nitpicking rejection on LS, allocating every possible problem to every one of your prospectives, does it surprise you that this is noticed through online communications?

If someone rejects you, move on. Don't take it as the female gender being impossible. It only makes you look like a guy who takes the victim's approach to dating and life, much like the misogynists who've been proliferating on LS.

March 23, 2009

How about asking male friends for advice? My good (male) friend asked me why I didn't like another friend. His question was: "What's the matter! You don't like his face or what?". I suppose men may be much more direct. Women will not want to hurt your feelings.

March 23, 2009

Bells basically just enjoys sharing his stories and bashing women. He's not particularly interested in any advice that's given here, as he knows for sure he's A game. Thanks to all those who volunteered though!

March 23, 2009

I think if a woman likes you hobbies do not matter. I dated a woman with 7 horses, and I told her upfront I have ZERO interest in horses. It made no difference. But she was also looking for a relationship.

I think online many women might just want attention, or since they get so many emails, are holding out for someone out of their league.

Think about it. What if you got 100 emails a day from women basically offering sex/taking you out/wanting to date you.

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A Hobby Can Get In Between a Relationship

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